Shared Pain | Miles | Trial 1 Vote Reaction
Milesā stress doesnāt lessen any, as he looks to 19ā¦ to Vivianna, as she speaks, scared and panicked over how people are talking about her. Miles canāt help but empathize deeply, his own heart feeling as though itās being squeezed beneath his ribs, both the ink and real bones within.Ā
But then, she speaks to him, and Miles listens.
He nods seriously, as she thanks him, hears her out as she talks about It isnāt the first time heās made a friend as fast as this. It is the first time heās related to one so deeply right off of the bat, though, with every little thing theyād had in common, their shared struggles to know when they were lied to or being tricked andĀ usedĀ among other small things that had added up and formed a sense of understanding. They were stillĀ newĀ friends, not old and experienced ones from years of knowing each other, and yetā¦Ā
And as they share more things that he hadnāt known before either, though, and that understanding only grows now, right before the end.
āBut maybe if they had somebody like you in their lifeā¦ maybe they would have had somebody who they knew wouldnāt leave.ā
It hurts deeply to hear, knowing they were about to be ripped away from him, but heĀ understandsĀ so much that he canāt help but nod anyway. He almost laughs too, to the cute grin and the words telling him to stay strong, but it comes out more as a rough exhale, and he tries his best to do just that. He wants to cry, and he wants to scream. His eyes are stinging, directly on the edge, butā¦ he swallows them them back, trying his best to do that.
Finally, Miles knew what he wanted to vote for, after that. He had taken his journal and pencil out slowly and splayed it out, and carefully, slowly,Ā methodicallyĀ spelled out something across the page as he does his best to control his continued shaking, though only those sitting closest to him might have been able to see what was on his page if they cared to peek.Ā
The color may be blood red, but to Miles, it looks almost exactly the same as always, that same color his words always form into almost hauntingly unchanging.
A nod is given to Vee, and to Frank for their own public points made, but Miles says nothing more as time is called, and Kali reads out the results of it all. Andā¦
ā¦The results really arenāt surprising, to Miles. But he still canāt help the bitter feeling in his chest at the āright answerā anyways, and he has to take a few moments to collect himself so that when he does speak, he wonāt snap angrily again. In, then outā¦ the feelings donāt leave him, but at the very least, he buries them just enough to be able to speak more calmly.
āI wonāt hate you, Vivianna.Ā If itāsā¦ okay to use that name now, even though we arenāt in private. I still really believeā¦ that none of what happened was your fault, so the sameā¦ will go for anything that happens after, if itās outside of your control.ā
āTheā¦ ārealā you, thoughā¦ I donāt think youāre any worse than 19 at all. Iāve enjoyed spending time withā¦ every part of you I did, while I could, byā¦ every name that you told me. It wasā¦ really fun, and Iām gladā¦ that you could consider me a friend too.ā
He really means that, too, a subtle sense of firmer surety in his words despite his softer tone.Ā
ā¦A glance is given to Perry too as she speaks, and Miles offers her a tiny nod, even if not offering any of his own words anymore, by now. He doesnāt feel the need to give more than that. Though after another moment, and another breath, Miles calls out once more to Amber, too, though this time to ask something different.
āā¦Amber? Are weā¦ allowed to move from our seats, now? Either way, Iād like to ask to leave my seat for a moment, if thatās alright,ā he says in a measured tone, politeness just a little more forced sounding than usual because of how many emotions heās struggling to keep at bay.
Amber gives him a little nod, but she does not meet his eyes.
āPlease be quick. You need to be in your seat when the sacrifice begins. If you try to remain up despite that, I will be force to return you to your seat. ā¦I am sorry.ā
ā¦He nods to her after a moment to process that, then gathers up his strength and gets up out of his seat. He steps back into shallow water with extremely shaky legs as he forcibly wills himself not to collapse despite how weak and unsteady he feels.Ā
And after a moment that feels like eternity, he makes it to Vivianna and hugs her as tightly as he can manage, as soon as it seems like sheās reciprocating. Heās weak, so it hardly hurts despite nearly his entire strength being used, butā¦ Sheād hugged him before, in the investigation, so nowā¦ it was his turn to initiate it. He holds her for a moment, still shaking as he does, butā¦ he hopes that this can get through still, somehow.Ā
āI wonāt forget you, Vivianna. And what youāre like, and what youāve told me, andā¦ your names, andā¦ everything else I know. No matter what happens.Ā I wonāt let them take that, not until Iām dead or gone for good either, and maybe not even then,ā he says quietly but with conviction, only just barely loud enough for anyone other than them to hear.
Eventually, he has to let go, even though he doesnāt want to. He knows that if he doesnāt do it himself, that heāll be forced away. Heās not sure if he can make it all the way back on his own, but heād rather at least try to by his own power.
By the time he reaches his desk laterā¦ his legs are about ready to give out, and he knows that time is nearly up. He has no idea whatās coming next, but he knows that not a bit of it will be good.
