#transphobiatw

(i wrote this whole thing and then realized i’ve been assuming you’re cis this whole time, i’m really sorry if that’s not the case!! i think the advice still holds up no matter who’s reading this though)

ugh yeah unfortunately i’ve gotten similar messages about stevie. you have to learn how to decide whether the message you received is a good faith critique (whether you agree with it or not), or just plain hateful rhetoric, or a question out of nothing more than curiosity. it’s easy to disregard the blatantly bigoted questions, but sometimes people will phrase things in an ambiguous way. in those cases, i try to really focus on what the person is asking or commenting on. would they ask the same question of a cis character? would they notice the same things about a cis character? would they hold the same opinions about this character if they were cis? is there any validity to what this person is critiquing my writing for? (in this case, the best thing you can do is ask a trans person for advice. i’m lucky enough to have trans friends irl who don’t mind me asking questions, but there are plenty of people online who would also be willing to chat if you look!). it’s important to keep your mind open to the fact that you might actually be making a mistake, or portraying something inaccurately, etc. and you can correct yourself if you need to. but if the criticism is patently not valid, just block them and move on. don’t even give them the pleasure of a response!

i would also say it’s a good idea to set your boundaries now and stick to them. for example, i already know that because stevie is a minor, i’m not going to answer any questions about bottom surgery or her sex life, both of which have been asked about WAY too many times (way, way more than any of the other characters around her age). i also choose not to engage with people who hate stevie for thinly veiled reasons. it’s perfectly okay to dislike a character, and i don’t mind you expressing this to me, but i’ve gotten pretty good at realizing when people are genuinely criticizing stevie vs. looking for reasons to hate her because they won’t just come out and say the transphobic shit they want to say.

Oh, and I got a response!

damn, family trauma is not a static entity in my life. it just takes new forms. whereas before I was ashamed when my mother talked about trans people like they are moon craters or incapable of being self-aware, I am still deeply disappointed by her lack of effort in educating herself or pronouning me correctly, constantly. We are years into this conversation and it's clear how we differ in recognizing who I am. 

NOW I'm at the point where I recognize how engrained racism, heteronormativity, victim-blaming, and ableism are in not only my own blood family but the fabric of most people in this country. The racism and ableism stands out to me the most and boils my blood. The white liberal viewpoint is a fucking bullshit, non-accountable lie that will continue to stratify us all under this white supremacist, capitalist, cishetero system.