#transactivism gone wrong

My guy’s best friend is basically a mostly-non-asshole version of a neckbeard. He’s neurotypical, but is incredibly socially awkward in that “I don’t know when I’m making everyone uncomfortable because I’m genuinely not paying any attention” sort of way. His troubling behavior isn’t enough for us to cut him off, but they have forced us to call him on it multiple times so he’ll get his shit under better control. Examples:

Over 50 but staaaaaares at girls just out of their teens until we have to confront him about it

Obsessed with hentai, genderbend web comics, unsettling assbaby/genderbend/dubcon fanfics, and furry porn, all of which he’s constantly bombarding us with links to

Neglects things like bathing and grooming until he looks like a hairy greaseball

Constantly lets toxic people latch onto him, then sides with them when we try to point out why he should flee from their criminal dumpster-fire asses

Refuses to get treatment or do anything about his depression even though treatment would be completely free for him

Spent four years trying to use me as his therapist and flipped out when I told him that enough was enough and that his insurance would fully cover an actual professional

Has driven away some of our other friends with his behavior to the point where we can’t invite him to group events

Basically, a slightly more whiny, creepy and unwashed version of Bill Daughtry from King of the Hill.

He is now in his mid fifties and has decided that, since he’s a bottom, likes genderbend media and cooking, and keeps being manipulated by the trans FELON who lives downstairs, that he must be a trans woman. That all his misery, which is largely self-inflicted or because of neglected health issues, is actually the result of unacknowledged womanhood.

This is not going to end well. 

He’s taking the combined pain of social ostracism due to selfish obliviousness, of self-neglect, of life not being like his fantasies, and of constantly being conned by TERRIBLE “friends” who zero in on his vulnerabilities, and deciding to blame all of it on dysphoria. He’s convincing himself that transitioning will somehow solve all his problems. And if he goes through with it and then it doesn’t, which it won’t, he may kill himself.

Now keep in mind, he’s constantly trying to dump his emotional shit on me, so I’ve got a front and center seat to this trainwreck. I have tried to explain to him that he needs to talk to an actual therapist about this situation, but he would rather listen to the advice of the neighbor, who literally went to jail for ripping people off and is constantly “borrowing money”. 

The neighbor, who came out as trans in jail (of course), is super-manipulative and controlling and has a violent temper, literally won’t leave our friend alone. She love-bombs, she crosses boundaries constantly--she basically acts like a cult member looking for new recruits. He’s in an affordable housing unit so moving is difficult, and he won’t shut her out anyway because he loves any attention that he doesn’t have to work for or reciprocate.

And I have no doubt that he wouldn’t be turning into another middle-aged, white, computer-nerdy self-ident trainwreck if he wasn’t being aggressively recruited by a literal criminal who went to jail for manipulating people. I have no doubt that if he had a good therapist and this leech hadn’t latched onto him, he would have made his peace with being slightly GNC and gone on with his life.

Instead, he’s bugging an almost completely GNC autistic woman for tips on being more “womanly”, only to be mystified when I tell him that I consider gender roles to be bullshit in the first place and don’t care about conforming to them. The oblivious fuck has known me for fifteen years, yet somehow he never noticed that I don’t wear makeup, heels or jewelry. Now he wants tips on wearing them. From me. Because I’m a woman, and must somehow magically know about all that shit.

He asked me earlier today if I was actually a closeted trans man, and I wanted to fucking punch him.  This gender nonsense is out of control. I have heard it called the “trans cult” before, and I think that’s about three steps too far...

Female people, equipped with vaginas, who push cotton ceiling arguments on lesbians have an easy way of taking their “activism” to the next logical level. 

It’s very simple: go fuck trans women yourselves. 

Go fuck ALL the trans women. Give them the pussy they think they deserve. Give it up to every trans woman who asks, regardless of attraction, sexuality or relationship status--just like you expect lesbians to do. Get those Costco-sized containers of lube and painkillers and go do the same “political duty” you want to coercively assign to other women. 

Raise your hand if you get MORE interested in what someone has to say when a bunch of woman-silencing idiots come through and comment on her post with “OP is a terf”. 

Most women who get terfed nowadays did something completely harmless like talking about their periods or refusing a specific trans woman sex. It is just another arbitrary way of silencing women you disagree with. Because of this, someone being labeled as a terf and ostracized accordingly often has very little to do with that person’s general attitude toward trans people.

My sister got terfed for staying loyal to her wife when repeatedly pestered by a drunk, horny trans woman who wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was beaten as a result.

I got terfed for standing up for my sister. I’ve been stalked, doxxed and harassed online and off as a result. And the more it happens, and the more I see it happening to other people, the more I loathe, not trans people, but transactivists.

The terf patrol are fucking demons. 

...she’s not very bright.

Once she became a mommy we started drifting apart because her entire identity suddenly got subsumed into motherhood, and she started making a whole lot of choices that I didn’t agree with. Antivaxxer? Check. Bizarre relationship polygons that cause problems and confusion for her kids? Yep. 

And then there’s her youngest kid. We’ll call him Carter. Told her at six that he was a boy and wanted to be treated like a boy. Er, okay. Except instead of just treating her kid like a kid, making him happy but seeing how the identity thing played out when the kid was actually old enough to understand sex and gender...

...yeah, she went straight for the Lupron.

Carter is being “spared female puberty” and supposedly that’s a good thing. Except...

1. Carter now has chronic headaches and exhaustion, plus is facing all the other fun things that years of Lupron can do to a body long-term.

2. Carter is allowed to pack a tiny silicone penis at age nine.

3. Despite the measures above dysphoria has not, apparently, lessened one bit.

4. He was just hospitalized for suicidal ideation for the first time at age nine.

This woman is doing “everything right” according to standard transactivist ideology. She has catered to every single thing this child has declared about his identity and desires. She’s trying to crowdfund his transition. She’s trying as hard as she can to be supportive in the approved, by-the-numbers way, to a degree that I just can’t understand. 

And it isn’t helping. The more she caters to her child’s dysphoria the more it takes over Carter’s life. Carter is miserable, none of the things Mom’s done are working, and the whole damn time...nobody has thought to sit Carter down and find out where all this misery comes from.

At Carter’s age, I didn’t want to “act like a girl” because that was boring and confining. That did not make me a boy. I came to understand that my discomfort with my sex had to do with the gender role I was forced into, not actually being female. I worry for girls in that position, who are being told by transactivists that messing up their hormones with chemicals and getting invasive surgery is the only way to deal with these feelings. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq0H1Y1jE4s

I see all these transactivists posts trying to browbeat and argue lesbians into taking dick and they have the most fucking ridiculous arguments. Among them: what if you’re attracted to someone and only find out late in the game that they have a penis? Would you lose all attraction to them then?

YES. YES, YOU COMPLETE IDIOTS. That is what being monosexual is like.

My sister-in-law looks like a guy at first glance. She’s dapper butch, kinda big, works out a lot, and has broad shoulders, a small bust and short hair. She’s well-groomed, has nice hair, good looks, great guns, and is brilliant, sweet, and a big goof. The whole package...

...for a gay woman. For my sister. Not for me.

The first three seconds I laid eyes on her my brain DID do the “wow yum” thing before registering, “Oh wait, that’s a woman.” And all the attraction left. I could still admire her style and acknowledge she was awesome, but my ladybits closed for business the second I realized. The spark just...vanished. It literally happened that quickly and thoroughly, and it wasn’t in any way a matter of choice. It happened because I’m fucking straight, and though sexually compatible bodies aren’t the only factor in attraction, they’re a big one.

Attraction is beyond conscious control. That is part of why someone not wanting to fuck you is not an insult, invalidation, bigotry, or something they can be politically pressured out of. It just is.

I have a friend. Lovely person. Happens to be an intersex male with Klinefelter. They also identify as genderfluid. It invariably confuses the fuck out of other trans/fluid people. They explain it this way:

Being intersex is a biological reality that isn’t related to being transgender. It’s a medical condition. It blurs the lines of biological, physical sex expression, not gender, and it doesn’t change the fact that an intersex person is basically male or female.

Gender identity is how one relates to one’s biological sex in a personal and social context. It isn’t biological, any more than it is a sexuality. If you identify more with the opposite sex than your own, for example, you are transgender. Since gender is the social performance and role associated with one’s biological sex (and thus entirely made up in the first place), you are free to express it as you choose, and label it as you choose.

Intersex people don’t have a choice in how their genes express themselves. If you’re intersex, you only have a choice in how you deal with it. Some intersex people identify as transgender/genderfluid AS WELL, and may use this as a way of coping with bodies whose secondary sex characteristics often don’t match with their primary ones. That does not make transgender/genderfluid and intersex the same thing. Intersex has its own reality and terminology.

My friend is a biological male who went through a female puberty without added hormones, and decided that neither gender really encompasses all of who they are. Identifying as genderfluid helped them cope with the emotional and social impact of naturally having both male and female characteristics. And that’s cool. They’re happy, their dysphoria bothers them less, and that’s awesome.

They also, like the old trans couple I’m friends with, avoid almost all modern transactivism. Why? Because of the same toxic elements I’m always bitching about. My friends really shouldn’t have to deal with strangers arguing over their bodies, identities and sexualities, applying non-chosen labels to them, or attacking them because their gender expression isn’t what a certain person thinks it “should” be.

The old trans woman couple ended their association with the local LGBT group with an argument which boiled down to “loud teenagers and bearded guys in lipstick calling us truscum”. As for my intersex friend, they get very uncomfortable every time intersex is used to “justify” attacks on the reality of biological sex, intersex terms are used for trans people, or intersex is used as a prop in transactivism in general.

If you think that being anti-cotton ceiling is being anti-trans, you’re missing the point. 

If you think of being anti-censorship of women’s conversations is being anti-trans, you’re missing the point.

Yaniv is a pedophilic rapey creep who should not be able to hide behind and be defended by transactivists. But they will stan and defend the rapey bastard simply because of trans status. This is a flaw of modern transactivism.

The cotton ceiling discourse is an attempt to coerce women into having sex with trans women regardless of attraction, simply to be “good feminists” and avoid constant harassment (or beatings). That is rapey as hell and is the reason why cotton-ceiling transactivists are increasingly being equated with incels.

Having some asshole march into every period/uterine health/female health issue discussion and start screeching that it’s transphobic for us to talk amongst ourselves about our own bodies because it’s not “inclusive” is censoring and silencing women, which is rampant sexism no matter how you slice it.