Apr 11
Just got called gurl on the lesbian subreddit it makes me. So happy
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Just got called gurl on the lesbian subreddit it makes me. So happy
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Visualizing myself with that body map makes me so happy
This is not news to me, i've known this since i was in single digits, but people have always been overly involved in the affairs of my body and my sexuality i guess because i wasn't being satisfying enough of a boy to them or something and give them weird vibes idk i wish they just didn't care and would leave me the fuck alone already but they won't so now we're here
I always just put everything like that off because i just don't want attention for it at all and would prefer to keep people at arm's length, because first it was my family being too involved with my body and then it was every person who's ever been attracted to me against my will, and called a lot of dirty names because they're trying to reconcile why i won't behave the way they believe a man is supposed to act
I don't actually think i am a trans woman or gay or anything; i know, biologically, i am a male individual who would be so happy identifying as a man — but existing as a man in a part of society that expects you to behave a certain way and 100% refuses to support you unless you behave the way they want you to, and in some cases actively witch-hunts you for the crime of existing and not behaving the way they want you to, is exhausting and i'm tired and i know i'm right about me but i also know i'm the only one here who doesn't get a say about what happens to my body no matter how loudly i scream it from the rooftops
Been feeling so much like dennis reynolds lately because so much of his character is just overhyping his masculinity because of his discomfort with himself but it's very obvious in some episodes not just how vain he is but how much he seems to hate himself because of his body and the way his body makes him feel, and seems so much happier at the thought of maybe being a woman instead
Like. Yeah man.
Like...
I think i do wanna transition actually
I know that like, "secondhand dysphoria" is a problematic concept and all, but MAN (no pun intended) I have a weird problem with watching people fixing old computers or whatever and then seeing big hairy man-arms.
And that's the weirdest part: it's only the arms, and only in POV shots.
They'll film themselves standing next to something, and it doesn't matter how big the beard, how short the hair, how flat the chest, how masculine the clothing choices. My brain just goes "that's a man or man-adjacent person, good for them."
But as soon as they are filming a POV shot and reach into frame with a hairy arm, my dysphoria alarm goes off. "OH NO IS THAT MY ARM? I DON'T LIKE THAT AT ALL!"
What the hell, brain? This is a video. It is not your arm. Why would it be your arm?
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I have a really hard time doing both of the a’s for some reason and then the c gets combined with the last a. My handwriting is a pretty large part of my identity and idk.
Nononono I cant have an existential identiry crisis BEFORE work no no no this is fucked :/