#trans book

It seems Nonbinary November is also a thing! Also, this is the whitest list I've made in a while, so let me know if y'all have recs for enby books by BIPOC authors

You're telling me people willingly want to read all my historical nerd details, unfiltered thoughts and behind the scenes lore?

How fucking rad.

yeah I can! I've been meaning to write some sort of article about why I feel Hill House is trans, so this is a good excuse to get these thoughts written out. It's mostly that I find the story and its themes to be very trans to me, specifically with the character of Eleanor; when I was a teen and didn't know I was trans, and I found myself drawn to her for reasons I couldn't understand yet.

There are a lot of things about her that spoke to me as a pre egg-crack trans woman; the way she feels like she's been waiting her whole life for something, anything, but she doesn't know what; the way she's felt trapped by the expectations of her; the way she's so shy and withdrawing (she reminds me in a way of this quote from Imogen Binnie's Nevada: "Maria is transsexual and she is so meek she might disappear"); the ways in which Eleanor constantly feels out of touch with the people around her and can't figure out social situations; the ways she's never felt wanted ("I am a sort of stray cat aren't I?"); the way she is prone to misreading casual relationships because she isn't experienced enough to know she's mistaken; and especially how she so desperately wants to belong. Eleanor is so withdrawn and desperate for connection that she lets the House take her over because, at last, “something is at last really, really, really, happening to [her]”, and unfortunately I could relate to that; she's so desperate to belong that she'll let anything happen to her, even if it kills her.

One line in particular really speaks to me every time I reread the book: “—and then each year, one summer morning, the warm wind would come down the city street where she walked and she would be touched with the little cold thought: I have let more time go by.” To me, that's what it felt like pre realization, every year would go by and I'd feel like I'd missed something; I wouldn't know what, but I'd know I'd let more time go by. Eleanor's story is one of a person who's been waiting so long to make a change, that when a change finally happens, it's too late for her; she's waited too long, and she's out of time. It's rather bleak, but so is gender dysphoria.

I think for me ultimately, any story about a woman who feels trapped and out of touch in some way will feel trans to me (I have a Letterboxd list about that with all sorts of movies on it), but Hill House really sticks out to me because of how acute and specific Eleanor's pain is, and how relatable I found her; her pain feels very transfeminine to me in ways I'm not quite sure how to articulate. I've found a lot of other transfems on tumblr who are also very drawn to Hill House, and in a way its very nice to see us all have a special connection to this book.

Lip Service by Kay Claire

Noah might have a crush on the guy he sits next in one of his lectures, and a bit of an obsession with his lip piercing – it's fine, he's managing it. But then they get paired up for a project, and Riley invites Noah over to start working on it, and, well... Noah might not have been as subtle about his crush as he'd hoped.

You can explain ANYTHING you want about your trans experience and you'll be in the book HOWEVER you want. Do you want to be anonymous? Great. Do you want to use a nickname/pseudonym? Great. Do you want to use your name(s)? Great. It's also okay if you want to say where you're from or not. Or if you want to say, I don't know, for example, I'm from Florida or the US, it's your choice.

Also, and of course, who participate will have a free copy!

You Will Not Know Me By My Bones by ​Aleksander Poulton