His heart felt as if it wanted to jump out of his chest. Confrontatiom was never among the things he liked, especially not the posibility of confronting his father.
Am I being ungrateful? They're finally here and I...
"What is it?" Turalyon lifted his gaze from the papers infront of him, looking at his son.
"Father... I-" Oh, light, how hard was it for him to speak.
"You?" The older paladin lifted one of his eyebrows. "I'm quite busy..."
"When aren't you busy?" He frowned a bit.
Turalyon stopped, thinking of how he should refer to the half-elf, finally settling on a neutral term. "Child, I'm certain you know my duties are crucial-"
"I know... They were always more important than your own son..." He inhaled, exhaled and continued. "And I don't blame you, I just-"
"Oh truly? Don't be selfish for one second..."
Oh-... Am I being selfish? Arator stopped in his tracks.
"Is that all you wanted?"
"Yes, father... I apologize- for taking your time..." He turned on his heel and walked out as fast as he could.
Their relationship was reasonably strained after not seeing one another for the entirety of Arator's life... And Arator being himself only made it worse.
He spent days and sleepless nights thinking about how his life would be so much easier if he had just been "normal". And his father was the only reason. Everyone else has been nothing but supportive of him. But his own father didn't get it.
Arator went outside to train and clear his head a bit, but practice didn't make him feel any better. His connection to the light felt just as strained as any connection to his father ever since he came back. And Arator didn't understand why.
He dreamt of this moment all his life, hoping to see his parents alive. But once he did, his whole existence felt... Worse- somehow.
His father was disappointed in his every move no matter how much he tried. Was his father always like this? Was all of this Arator's fault?
"What are you doing?" He heard a female voice from behind him as he was fighting a training dummy. "You haven't rested properly in days, darling, you can't overwork yourself like this..."
He turned to his auntie. "I'm fine. I wouldn't be training if I didn't feel fine."
"I can't tell if you're lying to yourself or to me..." Vereesa shook her head. "What's wrong? Is it because of Turalyon?" She walked up to him, placing one hand on his shoulder, the other on the handle of his sword. "You know you can talk to me..."
"I do..." He dropped the sword and hugged her. "I'm making everything worse..."
"You're not, hon... You're trying to be your best self, he just doesn't understand it..."
"It's not his fault..." He sniffled, tears welling up in his eyes. "I should be better... To make him proud..." He pulled back and rubbed his eyes.
"Arator, you shouldn't care about making him proud... You shouldn't care about what he thinks of you... And you certainly shouldn't care about his approval..."
"But... But I do, Vereesa... I do care..." He whispered. "And I can't just stop caring... I needed his approval my entire life and when he's finally back, he... He hates me! He hates me for what I've become..."
"He doesn't hate you... He doesn't understand and is stuck in his stupid old ways..." She sighed. "Do you feel like it is wrong for you to live your life as a man, Arator?"
"No... It feels right, just as much as it did the first day you called me by this name..." He looked away. "But my father- my father has never said it."
"Hasn't he?" She frowned. "He hadn't called you by your name since he came back?"
"No... He avoids saying it as much as he possibly can... And- it hurts."
"I understand, little one..."
"I am not little anymore-"
"You will always be little to me, hon." A small smile returned to her features. "I am going to talk to Turalyon."
"No! Don't do that!"
"Why not? He needs to hear what he's doing wrong. If he is a good man, he'll listen and try to change... If he's not- it shows you you truly don't need his approval."
"But- what if he thinks I'm weak because I need you to talk for me?"
"Then he can go cry about it to a wall or something! That should be none of your worries right now, Arator... His opinion doesn't matter if it's wrong..."
"But it matters to me. He is still my father-"
"And? Fathers aren't always right- nor are they great."
"But I want mine to be- I want him to be great..."
"I understand, darling, believe me, I do... But I cannot watch you walking around as if your soul left your body just because your father is insecure..."
"Then don't look at me... close your eyes and don't mind me... I am not your responsibility... And dealing with my father isn't one of your duties either..."
"Arator... I will never close my eyes for even a second to the things that make you feel unwell, understood?"
"Understood..."
"I know of people just like you, who spent their entire lives seeking approval from their elders- Just to never get it... Just to keep chasing it even though achieving it is no longer possible..."
"Now that- I don't understand-"
"Prince Kael'thas' father passed away before the two of them got to talk about their issues. And the prince spent the rest of his life trying to feel like he's good enough... And look where it got him-"
"But I am nothing like him-"
"I'm not saying you're just like him... Just that there are paralels between the two of you."
"I-"
"You need to stop wanting his approval... the only person who needs to approve of you IS yourself..."
"I want him to be proud of what I've done... Of my achievements... But he doesn't care-"
"You don't need him to be proud of you... everyone else is... And you should be proud of yourself... you are a magnificent young man..."
"Magnificent young man..." He smiled softly.
"That's who you are, with or without Turalyon..."
"Thank you, auntie..."
"You needn't thank me, darling..."
