#tragiicc

I have never been more attracted to her than in this moment

i’ll answer the other two in separate posts but uhhh

HARRY POTTER & THE HALFBLOOD PRINCE PG. 69 | horace slughorn.

to set the scene, dumbledore and harry have just arrived at slughorn’s house and dumbledore’s running off to the bathroom, leaving slughorn and harry alone to bond and shit. therefore i cover a few more pages than just 69 because the whole scene is super fucking important to me.

“ you’re mother was muggle-born of course. couldn’t believe it when i found out. thought she must have been pure-blood, she was so good. ”

so first off, slughorn was the epitome of the “ problematic white ally ”, or in this case, muggleborn ally, and that’s Important. it’s potent to harry’s view of him because by presenting himself in that light off the drop, harry already has minimal respect for him. it’s important to note that because, throughout the year while harry is supposed to be squeezing the memory out of him, harry’s minimal respect —and thus intimidation by this man— is what gives him the courage and confidence to do that, to try and be cunning and manipulative, because that’s new to him. PATIENCE IS NEW TO HIM.

either way, he indirectly insulted both lily and hermione in one fell swoop to harry’s face with the old “ i’m not racist / prejudice BUT…” spiel, and harry probably laid in bed that night like “ what the fuck did he say? ”, but he didn’t process the whole of it at the time. nevertheless, all of those kids were notches on slughorn’s belt, and that’s the obvious. but you know, it just says something to this effect because he wants nothing to do with death eaters and blood purists, but he doesn’t expect much from muggleborns and sees them as below average by default. he has low expectations for them. so yeah, slughorn’s out here acting like the NFL where so long as the marginalized are useful to him and his ego, he’s cool with them, but he has his own little underlying prejudices even if he isn’t an outright purist, and don’t front on that. anyhow…

so moving right along, this scene i think is one of my favorite scenes in regards to the relationship development between dumbledore and harry for a number of reasons, the most prominent being how, in this scene and in that moment, dumbledore is successfully leading harry to believe that they are equal partners ( and this is despite the fact that just moments prior to this, NEVER FORGET, harry was legit like a little boy, waiting for his dad on the doorstep, hoping he’d come but expecting him to bail and making excuses for him already ). anyhow, dumbledore leaves the room, leaves the deed up to harry without saying a word about it to him. harry will later take that as trust because hey, they bonded after sirius’s death. dumbledore came clean with him, gave him the truth about “everything”, and they were on the same page at long last. harry was in the fold. so yeah, they are PARTNERS. #wrong.

regardless, this is the scene which sets into motion dumbledore’s most aggressive abuse of harry’s trust in both dumbledore and harry himself, whether that’s his intention or not.

so harry doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be doing yet, but he’s doing it. he’s unwittingly manipulating slughorn. he’s doing exactly what dumbledore wants him to do, and then slughorn is laying his cards on the table, and harry sees him for what he is.

“ ’ i got his brother, regulus, when he came along, but i’d have liked the set. ’ he sounded like an enthusiastic collector who had been outbid at auction. ”

slughorn is a collector, and harry begins to see what his purpose might be. he engages with it and reels slughorn in on that alone. as always, harry is eager to appease dumbledore, to do something to help the cause, and he can sense that he is vital to his encounter and that this meeting is important, otherwise dumbledore would not have brought him. but that’s what it becomes. slughorn becomes harry’s mission, and while harry believes dumbledore is giving him this mission because they are partners, dumbledore is actually wielding harry the way slughorn wishes to, as a hot commodity.

@ harry: congratulations. ya played yaself.

anyhow, so this scene is vital in setting up a year filled with manipulation, not only on dumbledore’s part though please. this is where harry actually begins to care about his role in the war, when he decides he doesn’t just want to hide behind dumbledore. he wants to be as vital as dumbledore, or at least as vital TO dumbledore. sirius is dead, and harry knows it’s time to grow up. and so he is eager to have a job to do, to succeed at manipulating and wearing down slughorn all on his own without dumbledore’s direct aid. and using potions to do so? the subject he once despised and hated coming to? the subject which slughorn himself teaches? which, haha snape is helping you pass that class now when he really wanted to see you burn, so that’s funny but moving right along. but yeah, it’s sort of poetic?

so harry thinks he’s large and in charge, dumbledore’s man through and through, trusted to do this integral job because dumbledore has faith in him when in reality, he’s just the shiny coin that will get slughorn’s attention. and harry is playing himself here while simultaneously playing himself with snape and malfoy, so NEAT !

this initial interaction with slughorn is the catalyst for the largest blow to harry’s interpersonal ailments thus far. without this interaction, harry would not have thought himself in the fold. he wouldn’t have expected so much from dumbledore. he would have maintained his reservations about the authority figures in his life. but by allowing him on this trip and giving him the proceeding job, dumbledore takes those reservations from him. dumbledore seizes all of his trust, and then he begins to warp it.

so yeah, this brand of deceit is worse than the dursleys and snape and even umbridge because the man he trusts most is not only using him but allowing him to convince himself ( and helping to convince him ) that he, harry, is losing his fucking mind. dumbledore and harry both join forces to make harry believe he’s fucking crazy, and harry will never trust himself fully again after that, even when he finds out the truth in snape’s memory a year later, even when he realizes why dumbledore denied his claims. HE’S RIGHT ! HE IS RIGHT ABOUT DRACO MALFOY AND SEVERUS SNAPE, and no, dumbledore cannot tell him, but dumbledore’s a smart man ! he could have figured out a different way to assuage harry and put his fears to rest than to constantly say “aha no, kid, youre fucking nuts ! ” pat albus dumbledore on the fucking back please.

but overall though, this scene was a huge step in harry’s growth because for all the lies and deceit and misguidance, dumbledore did ensure that harry grew up at his own pace in a lot of ways and areas. he gave him the platform to step up, knowing that in the end, it would be harry and harry alone standing before death. and i do believe that behind everything, dumbledore’s intention was to prepare him for that, whether he did everything right or not.

dumbledore knew that he was ready to become an integral part of the war after sirius died. sure, he used that in a lot of ways that one could deem shady, but it was war, and dumbledore understood war. he had a responsibility to the greater good, and he allowed harry to take up arms and make himself useful because he knew that harry had come to the point where he was free of childish naivety and spontaneous fears, and if he wasn’t, he had to get to that point very quickly. harry had lost the last of his family. not only did he need to keep busy, he needed to grow. 

Young, Deluded?

“Ambrosia, we’re the same age.” Valentina blinked, a deep crease forming between her eyebrows as she set down the plate she had been drying so that she did not give into the temptation of throwing it. The China that Curtis’s mother had gifted them at Christmas deserved better.

“Look, I don’t like you, but I have been trying to remain CIVIL for the sake of Curt and Kelly. Your blatant hositility, in my own fucking kitchen, at my own dinner table, is really starting to try me. Can’t you just swallow your displeasure with a Xanax and fucking deal with it in seething silence like the REST of us adults? I know for a fact Kell probably has one in his back pocket that you can pop real quick, do you want me to ask him?”

         ❛  And yet you manage to act prepubescent.  You must be going through some ADOLESCENT stage.  ❜  Ambrosia brushed her hand along the counter,  plucking up used napkins and disposing of them as the women worked to tidy up the kitchen.  Dinner had been...  strained.   Pierced by Kelly’s usual one liners and the occasional interruption of a phone or the clattering of utensils.  Ambrosia averted Val’s gaze ;  Val avoided Ambrosia’s snide comments like the plague.  And so a MUTUAL HATRED settled between them as thickly as cement over adobe,  consuming every pore.  And God,  had she begun to hate the bottle-blonde shrew ( even if she did not use the word ‘hate’ ––– ever! )  The more Kelly fawned over her,  the sharper and more clear became Ambrosia’s contempt.

If I get 10 “voice"s, I (the mun) will record myself voice acting the character I roleplay.