lgc sports festival 2020 - 'spacing out' (competition solo)
figuring out which competition would participate in was easy for charlie, but that didn't mean she didn't agonize over the list she had to go through before she made her decision. now that she thought about it though, it wasn't so bad. in fact, just reminiscing all those things she had to mull over before choosing spacing out -- doing nothing is more like it, would help her avoid any distractions as she sat amongst the participants.
charlie sat there just as disinterested looking as the rest as they went over the rules, reminders, and introduced who would be watching them closely. there was very little preparation needed for her really, she does this often, even without the label of a competition. as soon as she got to the dorm, she'd sit at the foot of her bed and just... let her mind wonder. honestly, she preferred sleeping but lately it comes by with great difficulty so she'd just sit there, doing absolutely nothing but staring a the void. it's not exactly meditating, but once she realizes what she was doing, it was already midnight and way past the time she ought herself to sleep.
time usually moves faster like this, unlike with the rest of the activities that needed her to exert far more energy than she usually does. she's already exhausted more than usual the last few days, she'd end up injuring herself needlessly. first of all, who was she kidding if she participated in hurdles and the relay? her legs aren't built for dancing, running or jumping even more so. basketball, penalty shootout, pitching, bowling, and korean wrestling were out of the question -- she does not have a death wish, and too many people. archery just seems dangerous, rhythmic gymnastics... how does she even begin to elaborate her inability to contort her body in a way that would look beautiful and elegant?
spacing-out and esports were two of the choices she had on top of mind, but she had to be practical and chose the the least stressful one. and so, spacing out it is. charlie just sits there, noticing participants standing up and leaving one right after another, but unable to pay more attention than needed. it wasn't about winning really, she's just... spacing out, and unable to... okay, maybe a little lazy to let her mind put together a reaction. she might just win this if she held it out a bit longer.
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it will remain a great mystery -- a miracle, in fact, on how both of them found the perfect time in their already busy schedules. nevertheless, charlie was relieved that she was not the only who wanted to make something for their... fans. the very thought that she had those still gives her butterflies, or maybe the right word to describe it is shy. now, would be the right time to do, the last few times had been hectic and they all still made time to show their support.
as always, this could be done the easier way, as charlie would like to put it, buy some pre-made diy sets and follow instructions. that would be practical and convenient, in every sense. but it wasn't how she pictured herself 'giving back' to be. and besides, she's a decent baker... actually, no, if there was anything she was most confident in it would be baking and cooking. and with that confidence she managed to convince seolmi ( @lgcseolmi ) to a quick trip to the supermarket for supplies and back at their dorm.
charlie was double checking everything, lining them up on the table. "you know, we could just go with the diy stuff instead, what do you think?" she looks over to seolmi with a smile, "i could just make cookies with these later on. and valentine's day is right around the corner so i'm sure i could make other stuff with it too for..." she had told herself time and time again to be careful, but it just came out naturally. "for friends."
it still feels... odd having to stand on stage, under all the lights and in front of lots of people. every single time, just for a few seconds, she finds herself looking for her dad's face in the crowd. charlie imagines seeing that proud smile whenever she had done something she never thought she could. in those few seconds, she forgets absolutely everything else, holds her breath until her eyes meet that of her dad's. but the cheers and the sounds of their instruments starts to grow loud and she's brought back to here and now.
charlie reminded herself that this is not an official debut, made it very clear to herself not to get her hopes up. and yet, there's still that momentary feeling of victory. this is what she had aimed to do, what she hoped to do for the rest of her life. none of it felt real, but she supposed that's what it's supposed to feel like when your dreams start to come true. the first song was always nerve wracking, always made her feel just a little anxious. it's what sets the tone for the entire show, and even when they've done this one too many times by now, she still feels weirdly worried about messing up.
although she had been getting more and more confident with her korean and her relatively improving japanese, charlie was still the most comfortable singing in english. or perhaps, these past few weeks had just been really stressful that she finds herself regressing. she had no problem singing the songs in their setlist, after all, all of the members had a say in what would be on it. she enjoyed practicing them, even enjoyed performing them live. not all of them were songs she saw herself performing, but that was the beauty of it, it challenged her to be more open and adventurous. the setlist made her step out of her comfort zone.
there was this rush she couldn't explain whenever she was on stage with the other band kids. even in practice, charlie would feel this weird tingles in her fingertips, like electricity coursing through her body as make their way to the climax of the song. her heart races and the exhaustion was the last thing in mind. performing on stage, live, was an even more thrilling experience, the crowd singing along or cheering, just seeing everyone in that venue having a great time was surreal. and it was in those moments that she forgets all the things that worry her.
for a while now, the thought stayed at the back of her mind, allowing her to carry on with her trainee life. her days were filled with rehearsing, keeping her worries at bay, and writing songs just so she's kept occupied. and even with how she was getting used to having to perform around three times a week -- the closest to a band tour she's got since becoming a trainee, there are still moments when she, unintentionally, finds herself being drawn back to remember just what awaits her if things do not go as planned.
charlie has been meaning to talk to seojin ( @lgcseojinβ ) for a while now, but something always comes up and she forgets. and where does she begin? she liked to think she had everything under control. it always seems that way, from the way she carried herself and the self-talk she gave herself just when she's about to fall apart. she had to keep it together, especially now. there were more opportunities coming, more doors have been opening, and the world was opening its arms to her for the first time. at this point, she wasn't even sure if there was any point in talking to anyone about it. she had to deal with it by herself... right?
but there are moments when she forgets, and she ends up doing exactly what she had thought she didn't have to do. the show was about to start in a couple of hours, and they were going to be gathered for soundcheck soon when charlie just finds herself unknowingly (and awkwardly) being around seojin. when she comes to her senses and realized how weird she's being, she simply smiles at seojin, "think we'll have a great show tonight?"
having changed her mind about so many things in the past few months, charlie had found it in herself to enjoy the party. she had started thinking about what she was going to be for halloween -- and yes, she had her mind set on participating this time around. but even if she had started to planing on her costume, she still ended up putting everything together at the very last minute. she got busy with rehearsals and preparations for their first performances happening just days before the party.
with those performances going smoothly, having finished a complete setlist just hours before, charlie is pretty proud of looking rather prepared contrary to how long it actually took to put it all together. this year's party was on a whole new level, and she didn't expect any less. everywhere she looked, she finds herself at a loss for words by the dedication and effort put in costumes and make-up. it made her feel a little underdressed for a while, but she managed to convince herself not to entertain those thoughts further. otherwise, she will spiral down.
charlie turns to seolmi ( @lgcseolmi ) with a smile, handing over a drink as she takes a sip from her own. "how long did it take you to put your costume together?" she giggles as she steps back to get a full view of the other's costume. "cady heron as the ex-wife," she adds, forming air quotes just like the lead in the movie did, "that's really clever, i like it." she continues with an approving nod.
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it was obvious that everyone was giving it their all with rehearsals and the japanese lessons. the nerves were still there for sure, even with good and laidback runs, but it was a relief that hyunbin seemed to be adjusting well with the others -- maybe even better than she did when she first came to the company. charlie didn't have much time to think of anything else, she convinced herself that she could worry about other things later on. the band comes first for now more than anything, especially now.
they had busy weeks ahead with the upcoming tour, just thinking about it made the butterflies in her stomach go haywire. never in her wildest dream did she think she would be able to do something like that, not even the performance in paris. and to do be able to do it with seojin, insoo, isa, and now, hyunbin, felt like a dream. everything was going just as she had imagined, even when she had to contemplate about their 'backup plan'. it was not mihi's exact words, but the pessismist in charlie just can't help but think that's what it is.
charlie catches up with insoo ( @lgcinsoo ) in between rehearsals. she walks up to him, tapping his shoulder before she sets down her guitar at the stands at the back of the room. "we're on a roll, aren't we?" she tells him with a smile, "another good rehearsal?" she continues, handing over a bottle of water.
