octobers were not just for halloween but to celebrate her friend's birthday. she'll probably forget hers again for the nth time, but never Jiho's ( @lgcjiho ). it was tradition and she wanted to do something special for him for a change. charlie remembers coming into an empty practice room with the cake already there. she feels a little sad that jiho had to get his own cake, so this time around, she was going to get him not one but two. there were so many cakes to choose from at the dessert café she visited, but she decided on getting him one of those fancy looking cakes.

with everyone busy getting ready for the party, training rooms will be left empty as soon as everyone's freed from schedules. she had to plan her day well, with rehearsals and shows, she had to bake one of Jiho's cake a day ahead -- and make sure their manager doesn't mistake it for dessert. she made one of those trendy minimalist scraped cakes in blue and gray, that had 'you're a year older jiho' written intentionally clumsy on top. jiho can pick which one he takes home, and which one they could eat to celebrate.

charlie thought that if she just ate and kept hydrated, the nervevs would go away. but there was not a second that passed by that she didn't feel anxious. she was far from the actual stage but she could feel the crowd from the hallway she was standing at. she was doing those breathing exercises that were supposed to help, but she just feels ridiculous having to do it like she was losing air. there should have be an internal monologue by now, her own thoughts that pulled her away, making her body shift to auto-pilot were terrifyingly quiet.

it was hard to distract herself with her surroundings and the people when they were all restless. there were lots of moving back and forth, telling people to stand by, singing songs quietly facing the walls, and watering down choreography to fit small spaces. the whole place was drawn and colored with impending performances. even the fading music bouncing around her made everything real, this was happening, and she was feeling every second of it.

if charlie just how to do these, she would not be standing there in front of yonghwa ( @lgcyonghwa ) looking like a deer caught in headlights. but after what happened not very long ago, with the cupcake thing and all, everything has become confusing. she didn't know what happened -- no, scratch that, she wasn't sure if what she had in mind had happened. when she had snapped out of it, she was walking with hurried steps to restroom tasting something sweet, like frosting, on her lips. she had gone over how their conversation went, how she handed the cupcake and how yonghwa gave that ridiculous talk about king. and then...

there are a hundred ways this could do go wrong -- and by wrong, she meant herself being embarrassed in front of people. there seems to be a side to yonghwa that not many people see. he always seemed like the nice guy had everything under control and was sure of himself. until she saw that one time that he wasn't. what's strange is that what she felt didn't change at all, even when she thinks he's being unreasonable. she realized she liked everything about yonghwa, even the parts that he didn't and those he was reluctant to show.

charlie ended up staying longer than intended, maybe buying herself more time to rest and eat more pizza before going back to practice. she wasn't usually the type to stand around idly but it has been an overwhelming experience, and she rather not carry that feeling with her when she goes back inside. she had done that countless of times before, and from her experience, it doesn't work out well. she'd have unnecessary doubts and hesitations, things that have no place considering she feels she's been in the right head space lately.

she walks around slowly, quietly, unintentionally overhearing conversations that she truly pays no attention to. they were just phrases and sentences, ones that she doesn't fully process. it reminded her of what it was like back in california, keeping to herself when she goes to school, pretending she didn't hear the hushed insults and laughters when she passes by. they were little things but still affected her like this. charlie sighs heavily, shoulders dropping and gaze falling onto her feet.

charlie heaved a deep sigh at the revelation. like she always is with pranks, she was annoyed the first few minutes especially when she realized that there were a bunch of people just as worried as she was. but as soon as the feeling subsides, she finds a reason to smile, the relief taking over and that her reaction to the whole thing would define her day. she chose not to dwell on ill-feelings and move on, looking at the bright side of things because now they get to relax a little. that, and she knows for sure that she had people she cared about in the company.

just as announced, it did feel like a reward and a warning, and she will probably carry those words with her tonight. charlie was calm moments ago, but she... froze too. and for a significant amount of time. perhaps she cleared her mind a little too much? she lets the thought fall away again, not even bothering to grab hold of it. she was sure that it's going to keep her up tonight again anyway so she might as well enjoy the rest of her day.

@lgcyonghwa 

charlie stops, chewing on her bottom lips as she stared intently at the cupcake she carefully held in her hands. like it was supposed to give her the answers to the question burning at the back of her mind. she distracts herself with the thought that maybe she should have gotten the cupcake in another flavor or color, but the frosting made to shape like one of those cute dogs makes her smile instead, but a quiet whine still escaped her lips. if he wouldn't take this, it had very little to do with the flavor or the color, but what she's done... whatever it was she did.

as annoyed as she is, she can't help but feel guilty. it wasn't like kang yonghwa to walk away without a word when he doesn't seem like he ran out of things to say. no... it wasn't like yonghwa to walk away. she'd thought of a number of things to explain why he did, the most absurd is that he likes her and he got jealous that he mentioned someone else. she scoffs as she resumes her steps. it's a crazy thought... but maybe, just maybe. the world stops again when she spots him just a few steps ahead, she never imagined such a short distance would feel like miles away with the way she held her breath.

@lgcshaun 

charlie used to dread monday mornings more than anything. she'd spend the night before anxious about the activities for the coming week that she'd end up not getting enough rest. this leads to be very sour moods and typically a very unproductive day -- which just set the tone for how the week, and eventually, how her training months go. it was a bad habit that she had to ease out of since the year started, and thankfully, it has gotten a lot better. she looked forward to seeing her friends and the people she had been collaborating with in the recent weeks.

for the first time in a very long time, she walked into the building with a huge smile on her face. her excitement was apparent from the way she hurried down the halls to look for shaun, trying not smile too much than she already does, journal and music sheets clutched tightly as she scanned every face she passed. when her friend said he'd record a demo with her, she knew right away that she had to finish one of her most beloved pieces. it would be fitting for someone she trusts to do this with her.

everything was going smoothly until she finds herself writing about her real feelings. charlie never intended for this to happen, it was supposed to be quick and she thought she had it all planned out. find a muse to inspire her to write more songs, write songs about imagined scenarios and could-have-beens, close the loop with a break-up song and then move on. she never expected that she's in too deep to back out before she could end this one-sided thing with a break-up song.

but now she hopes giving a song and be rejected would maybe do the trick? charlie clutches tightly onto the music sheet as she walked down the hallways, looking for one ahn yeoreum ( @lgcyeoreum ) to know her thoughts on this new song that she was writing. still, a part of her was excited, proud of the verses she had put together and the melody that came to her a few nights ago as she worried about how to undo the feeling she had developed for that boy. for now, that didn't matter, all she wanted was to get feedback for this new piece.