#tp threads.

theo was ambling along the sidewalk, hands shoved deep into pockets, eyes peeled to the ground as he kicked gravel as hard as he could. this was quickly put to a halt when he realized he hit someone’s leg. eyes moved up slowly, something familiar about them, but he couldn’t quite place it. he moved to meet their eyes, not to apologize for kicking them but to issue a challenge. until he realized why the legs looked so familiar. drawing in a breath, he took a step back, needing physical distance to represent their emotional distance. “hi, nyla.” he tried to muster up a smile, but he knew it didn’t come close. “didn’t mean to kick you with that gravel there.” almost an apology and something he would only give to them. “how....how are you?” he hesitated to ask this but he was at a loss for words, desperate to stay in their presence. 

he passed the water bottle back to her. it was supposed to be inconspicuous but as time went on, it became more and more obvious what was happening. he leaned far back against the bench, his head resting against the back of it as his leg were spread wide. a posture his father certainly wouldn’t approve of, but he wasn’t here, and his back was still young anyhow. eyes wandered around the park before settling on some kid who got hit in the face with a frisbee. the laughter that left his mouth was loud and boisterous and he nudged rowan in the ribs and pointed at them. “hey,” he called out, “you’re supposed to be playing frisbee, not mimicking the trees in the park. my dog can play that game better than you.” he didn’t have a dog. “your dad should keep you on a leash. safer for everybody.” 

he stood there, under the arch of the doorway, watching the people dance and laugh and sway in time with the music. there was a disconnect between him and the rest of the party. theodore padget registered the lights and the music and all of the people, but he felt a million miles away. he shouldn’t be here. the words playing over and over in his mind like a broken record. his hands were shaking as his brain looked for a way out. but he couldn’t move. he was frozen in place, watching the scene in the same way he watched movies at the theaters. the beat of his heart was dull. everything was dull expect for the one thing he wanted to be quiet. he forced his feet to move, feeling like his shoes were made of concrete. like a statue come alive for the first time, he walked to the kitchen, almost in a trance. searching the cabinets frantically, he looked for the stuff hidden away. a spirit watching himself do this, he had no control over what was happening. that included when he ran into them. “delphine,” he said, using that as a grounding point to the space they were in, even if they were the last person he wanted to see. “do you know where to find the stuff stronger than this shitty beer? drinking toilet water would taste better than this.”