#totsie

Today has been one of many great strides and many depressing and saddening events. I suppose I'll get right into the story; it's a bit more serious than I've tended to be lately.

It all started tonight in my philosophy class. Typically, this is the the type of class where I just listen, think to myself, doodle, and do what most people in that class do - day dream. However, today was just a little bit different, and I guess it was just the subject matter, and every single part we talked about hit me, psychologically speaking of course. 

The night started out by talking about a philosopher named Thomas Malthus and his thoughts and idea's about social reform in Europe back in late 1700's and early 1800's. In a nut shell, his thought/theory on how to solve the problem of over population and slums was to not help out the people in any sort of way, and that they themselves will correct the problem, however, big corporations and factories gave out horrible wages and long hours. We even had this in America (until Teddy Roosevelt put an end to it, anyways) However, with unions and government standards for pay, it all soon got a bit fairer, and his logical was flawed in a real life situation. Anyways, Malthus was very much against social reform, and most people are now days as well, saying how most people just milk the system for all it's worth, and that their hard earned and easily given up tax dollars are just given up for someone to stay at home and watch cable T.V. and eat BonBons. 

This girl sitting next to me that I talk to brought up the fact that she lived on her own, has 2 jobs (she just turned 18 or 19 I think), and this month she ended up short on her rent, and had to call her parents for help. Luckily, they did; but she, like me, is the type or person that typically hates asking for help or a handout unless it's to the point where you're desperate as hell. It just brought me back to how I had lost my job back in December, just days before the holidays. I had just started started buying my own groceries and getting used to owning up to expenses, when next thing I know, I'm out a job. Luckily, I was able to qualify for unemployment, but I didn't get shit because I was just some warehouse/male cashier that made a shit wage that wasn't nearly enough for the crap I put up with. Luckily, my parents help me out with food, but bills and gas were all on me. In a nut shell, I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm not one of those free loading assholes who spend their money on dumb stuff. Luckily, I just found another job - one that took me a while to get, but I'm so happy to be there. I'm one that's really grateful for the unemployment system, and it feels great to start earning a good wage and pulling my own weight, but all I can do is trust that the taxes taken out are put towards someone who had the same goal as I did, 'Get a damn job, and as soon as I can!" I really can't thank my parents, family, and people in general for the help.

Continuing on - Jeremy Bentham's the next person we learned about. He, also, talked about social reform, and about how pain and pleasure determine what we shall and/or ought to do. He also said a few things on morality, but the the subject I'm bringing up was added by John Stuart Mill, who said that animal morality is also included in that context. A philosophical argument stemming from that would be that if we, as humans, should take it upon ourselves to take care of other animals because they're (what some say) inferior due to their lack of knowledge and reasoning that e as humans are capable of. Of course everything in class got brought up, from cows, to chickens, dogs, cats, etc. Some people thought that killing of some animals wrong, some bad... it just depended on your personal opinion, and how you viewed an animal's viewpoint. 

As I sit here typing this, however, I'm looking over at my bird, named Poco (after the band). The poor guy hasn't been doing well lately, but we bought a heat lamp jut for him just to see if that would make life a little easier for him, and it has appear to have been working pretty well, for he was breathing fast and heavy, and with the light on him, he seems to relax and breath easier. When I got home though, it looked like he took a turn for the worse. He hasn't been digesting well, so my mom was helping him out and cleaning his rear end, when all of a sudden he freaked a little, and his whole left side seemed to freak the hell out. I heard about it, came down stairs and sure enough, he just looked wide-eyed on the left hand side of his body and didn't was kind moving in a circle. I instantly though he had a stroke, and was really worried. After all, this bird is 21 years old, and I'm only 19, and that conversation in Philosophy class about animal welfare hit me in my core. I just think about how he's been around longer than I have. He knew my parents a couple years longer than I had, and he watched me grow up; whether or not he recalls or processes that information, it did happen after all. 

The part that's hitting me most is that I feel like I neglected him a lot, like I would just pass by him and never thought twice to give a pat on the head pr whistle to him or something, and kills me because I would maybe give him attention once a month for not even five minutes, and that was it. It just kind of goes back to free loaders and how they take stuff for granted. I guess No, I'm staying up with him not just because I'm guilty as hell for lost time, but because he just means a lot. The thought got put out there just to end his suffering, but my mom quickly dismissed it, which I can understand because I really hate the fact that I'm sitting not knowing how much longer my childhood has to live, but it also bothers me watching him suffer...

I honestly feel like a sap for writing this. A lot of people don't really see me as the type, anyway, unless you're a close friend. I drive a V8, like tattoo's, party's, and nitty, gritty rock 'n roll - nothing that really screams that I'm one to take my personal pet's feeling's to heart. I don't know - I guess that's why I hate judging and stereotypes so much, because I'm the rule breaker in most cases. People look me and think, "Rock 'N roller that probably has no heart, talks about blowing shit up when things don't go his way and like his music at 11." Well, at least people get the music at 11 part right.

I appreciate whomever has been taking the time to read this rather long post; It's just I see people on Facebook, and all over the internet, just complaining about how life is horrible because of some stupid thing(s), and they refuse to let go and just be happy for once. I used to be one of those people, and letting go of the small stuff and realizing how good it is to have a nice, new job, great friends, a working vehicle, and the ability to get up and start the day just makes me feel awesome, and I don't understand why some people just can't...