#tothepoint.

I feel so so so stupid. To think something and then realize how wrong I was. mgh, I guess that’s what I get. I’m not great at adjusting or not hoping for things that’ll never happen. you can dream whatever you want, but you still have to wake up. I’m so mad at myself for it. When will I just learn to stay awake. Stop drifting. I miss so many things, but we don’t get to go backwards.

sometimes I think you were my one chance. I don’t remember how to love anyone else. I want you back more than I want anything in the world, but I can’t do this to myself again. I can’t keep wishing for things that’ll never happen. I’m not this sad person. I don’t feel like me... and I hate it. I’m annoyed with me too. How long are you gonna be like this, Chaerin? Don’t pity me. I don’t want it.

I feel so restless and... frustrated. I’m not good at being patient. I know it’s coming around again and I’m getting annoyed and angry faster than I should.

I heard someone say the other day that... the way something ends always colors how you look back at the whole thing. How the memories feel. It made me think about how I don’t want that to happen with you. I loved you and you loved me and that was all we needed. You’ll always have a piece of me and I think I’ll always have a piece of you too. I still see you in the tiniest things. I want to look back happily, because we were so happy. You were one of the most wonderful parts of my life. 

he smiles, he smiles, he smiled.

I was looking through things today, a lot of old things. bad idea, right? I think you would have told me to stop, but I did it anyway. you know me. I still have that message. I couldn’t delete it, you told me to keep it so... I am. I wonder if you saw the message I wrote you... I was really missing you that day. I still am. I just hope maybe you’ll see it sometime. I know... it’s not the same, but I really meant everything I said to you. I know you meant what you said to me too.