Prior reviews: 2013, 2014, 2016, 2018

What I said before: “This is a party of right-wing anti-environmentalism that has found some measure of success in rural NSW … Exactly what it says on the tin. The SFF will water down our successful gun control laws, support environmentally destructive policies, back the mining and logging industries, and be a brake on urgently-needed climate action.”

What I think this year: Perhaps the most interesting quality of the SFF is that they are no longer the reliable ally of the Liberal/National Coalition that they used to be. They have experienced success in winning former Coalition seats, and they have not always co-operated on policy in the Legislative Council.

This is not an endorsement, however. The only limits they would place on mining are when miners and farmers come into conflict, such as we see in the coal seam gas debate—otherwise this is a staunchly pro-coal party who favour new coal power plants and are hostile to practically any serious steps to mitigate climate change. SFF would let the planet burn.

The party name is the clue. Emotive blather about “green bureaucracy gone mad” defines their policies about fishing. It’s not as if it’s hard to go fishing for recreation, but marine parks and catch limits just get these nutters foaming. Their rhetoric veers between recreational and commercial fishing with limited clarity, and anyone who knows anything about marine life knows that the commercial fishing sector is responsible for extreme degradation of oceanic environments within a context of poor regulation and limited enforcement.

Also, I’d take their concern for regional communities a little more seriously if their transport policy were not literally just a roads policy. They describe public transport in regional areas as inadequate—and just leave it there. Instead of backing meaningful improvements in rail and other public infrastructure, SFF are completely in hock to outdated road-centric transport policy rather than the integrated multi-modal approach essential to maximise economic and social gains.

I drafted these comments before the tragic events in Christchurch. I am now all the more sure that it would be grossly irresponsible to let this party remain in parliament. Australia’s gun laws need to be tighter, not looser. SFF are a threat to public safety—not just long-term from climate change, but also in the short-term. Reject their appeals.

Prior reviews: 2013 and 2016

What I said before: “if you’ve paid even a smidgen of attention to Australian politics since the mid-nineties you know what One Nation stand for and how odious it is.”

What I think this year: I’ve spent enough time bagging Mark Latham in reviews of other parties that it’s about time I got to the party of our most famous wearer of dirty polo shirts. Yes, that’s right, ol’ boy Latho—the absolute disingenuous shitrag, the most idiotic rat in the history of politicised labour in Australia, the utter twatcandle himself—is heading up the One Nation state election ticket.

One Nation’s policies are idiotic. They are opposed to renewable sources of electricity; they want to strip all critical thinking from education policy; they think men are somehow discriminated against despite the fact men earn higher wages and are over-represented in positions of wealth and power; they blather on about giving Sydney “a breather” from immigration even though state governments do not control immigration policy. We need a breather from One Nation.

Perhaps the peak of One Nation’s stupidity, however, is that they are spouting off drivel about Aboriginal people getting DNA tests before they claim benefits. Welcome to Stupid, population: Pauline Hanson, Mark Latham, and Friends. Besides the fact that this is straight up early twentieth century eugenics, DNA tests are hardly reliable for what One Nation wants to prove, and Aboriginality is derived communally as well as genetically. It is breathtakingly rich for Latho to rant about “welfare rorters” when he receives a very generous parliamentary pension and shows absolutely no interest in doing anything for the impoverished, disadvantaged, unemployed, precariously employed, exploitatively employed, and unwillingly casualised. It is as if he learned nothing during his time in organised labour—or perhaps he suffered brain damage. The cognitive dissonance of this man, seriously.

It’s kinda funny that both One Nation and Australian Conservatives go on about “common sense”, whether it’s Bernardi proclaiming that “common sense lives here” (no it doesn’t) or One Nation insisting that they will be “putting common sense back into politics” (no they won’t). What’s the betting that even if Latho wins a seat, he defects from the party before the end of his term? That, and disqualification, are the ordinary fate of One Nation members; there are almost none, at state or federal level, who have served an entire, unbroken term of parliament.

The comments on Christchurch from Latho, Hanson, and their associated pond scum are not even worth my time. Suffice it to say that Kiwis such as myself see you, and we will not let you rest. Some of us are dual citizens and we intend full well to punish you at the ballot box. That is only the beginning.

This dysfunctional party and its knee-jerk racist policies represent the absolute scum of Australian politics and the sooner we are rid of this vile rhetoric the better.

Prior reviews: 2013, 2016

What I said before: “New South Wales, why do you keep letting this crank and his mates hold office at state level? Please stop.”

What I think this year: When I finished writing my Australian Conservatives review, I thought to myself “phew, I’m sure the next party won’t be this disgusting”. I should have known better, the Australian micro-party scene being what it is. Let me put it to you simply: Fred Nile is a complete fucknozzle, and anyone who associates with him is a fucknozzle.

Now that I live in NSW I understand that this man and his acolytes are not as popular as I thought, as the barrier for entry to the Legislative Council is set so low. But the CDP sure do like advertising on Wollongong television, and I say this as somebody who watches very little TV so you know they’re going hard if I’ve caught their ads frequently. Bad ads are one thing; bad policy, of course, is much worse. On a heavily stained political canvas, Fred Nile & Co. somehow manage to stand out as one of the nastiest stains.

The CDP website right now says that “We exist to glorify God in government.” This is the language of exclusive theocracy. They preach the need for Australia to be a “Christian Commonwealth” with laws rooted in “the Judeo-Christian ethic”, which is a very recent confection that the lunatic religious right uses to exclude others. The CDP do not respect the rights or even the existence of those who do not share their narrow interpretation of scripture—with particular disdain reserved for the Muslim community. If you want to know from whence came the hatred that enabled the Christchurch terrorist attack, it is from bigoted and idiotic clash-of-civilisations rhetoric like this. The CDP are just one of the numerous groups with blood on their hand. I am absolutely not exaggerating or being emotive for effect.

You can take as read their opposition to abortion, euthanasia, fairness or equality for the LGBT community, etc., etc. Sound environmental policy does not live here. They have curious ideas of “Biblical principles concerning economics” and are impossible to take seriously when they yabber on about the alleged goodness of free enterprise or on economic policy more broadly. You often wonder if they have actually read the Bible.

Also, their “ten good reasons” to join the CDP are just bizarre. It’s a pitch that pretty much explains what the party gets out of you, rather than offering an attractive vision for society that you might want to participate in if you are ideologically inclined. Take, for example, reason 7: “You will be assisting Head Office with its administration and employment expenses.” In other words, you should join the CDP because it means you will be giving them money! Yeah! I always find it persuasive when I am encouraged to join something because it means I will be poorer!

This is way more than I intended to write, but if we are lucky the crowded field of candidates this year might mean the CDP’s Paul Green will fall short (Fred Nile himself, alas, has four years left on his current term). The CDP has no place in any serious parliament.

Prior reviews: 2013, 2014, 2016, 2018

What I said before: “Oh geez do I have to write about this lot again? Libertarianism, especially right-libertarianism of the sort peddled by the LDP, is a load of absolute twaddle and I wish this party and its cynical, nasty federal senator David Leyonhjelm would hurry up and depart our political scene.”

What I think this year: In a way I got my wish, for Leyonhjelm departed the federal political scene. The problem is, now NSW might be stuck with him. This awful bucket of cunt juice (I am being polite) is leading the LDP ticket for the Legislative Council. He’s also being rather friendly with Mark Latham, the human incarnation of dick-and-balls graffiti who is one of Leyonhjelm’s few rivals for the title of most genuinely unlikeable person on the ballot.

I have no desire to waste any more time on right-libertarianism. Read the above links if you want a more serious take from me; apart from 2018 I actually made an effort to engage with this hefty sack of shit of a party. I haven’t the desire or energy any more. The good news is that the LDP drew a bad position in the ballot for positions on the Legislative Council, so Leyonhjelm will not be the Member for Donkeys like he was in 2013. The bad news, though, is he might still get in.

Do everything you can to keep this man and his party out of public office.

Prior reviews: none, this is a new party.

Australian Conservatives is the party we never needed, comprised of some of the most disgusting people in Australian politics. It is the party founded by federal senator Cory Bernardi when he left the Liberals, and in the forthcoming federal election the lead candidate in Queensland will be Lyle Shelton of “eat shit Lyle” fame.

Right now I’m here to talk about the NSW state election, where the Conservative ticket is led by Greg Walsh. This particular character got a ringing endorsement from the worst unit in Australian politics, dirty polo shirt wearer Mark Latham (a rival candidate at this election!), which is probably all you need to know. Walsh is the sort of chap very concerned that religious schools might be forced to grant the most basic respect to transgender students by letting them wear the uniform of their choice and by not using their dead name.

You know what you are getting with the Australian Conservatives. It’s the usual wank about “free speech” (for themselves and no-one else), climate denialism, homophobia, transphobia, racism, unhelpful draconian drug policy, etc., etc. Parties like this provide a semi-respectable veneer for the extremist bigots that Australia cannot seem to moderate or contain.

The Conservatives also have a boner for coal, and their claims to being “technology agnostic” are undone by both this and their advocacy for nuclear power. Their incoherent vision for education would basically replace critical thinking with propaganda for some mythical take on “Western civilisation”. Their website does not appear to have any specific platform for the NSW state election, but it’s no question that a Conservative state MP would be detrimental for NSW, especially for minorities and vulnerable people.

Put the Australian Conservatives in the bin.