6/18/15

To the places I do not belong to how doth I stare out amongst the land and can no longer call your name and you won’t answer. No more shall I see your face as I greet you and find a warm embrace. For you are gone—Gone not in the wind or the shadows or leaves, but Gone absent from everything. Where doth did you obliterate your husbandship, fatherhood, friendship disintegrate. I cry out to you for help, but No physical voice answers. Gone not in the wind or the sea—gone not in the turbulent of leaves.  Dear love of mine why words freeze up to converse the heavy pressures on my heart trying, striving to rehearse what happened, where did we go, where did we end up after this black hole. I knew you really—did I really—did we really? 

I’m scared and full of so many situations to grieve through at moments in time I’m frozen, but one moment I will circulate to remind me is that it’s BROKEN—What? Yes, it’s BROKEN, the curse has been put in chains. I’m no longer the one in shackles because Christ took my PLACE. I’m forgiven you’re forgiven—we’re forgiven Love indeed. Now you can finally meet me without the haunting about. I’m excited, jittery, eager to introduce..... 

“Hi my name is Maegan—lets hang out, share a desert— 1 year abstinent can we make it Love?”

We’ve got to, there are no exceptions, no more excuses. 

We’ve seen the dark side of good—we’ve been through the plague with our bodies and I’m DONE—I want no more of that shame. I desire a healthy one and I finally feel it growing. 

Growth is inhibited when sickness is at bay when you are so desperately fighting things off growth is stunted—your body’s energy is focused to kill the virus and once the virus is gone; antibodies, balance of hormones, protein, muscles can begin to build. 

That is what my brain is doing love, finally rebuilding my NEW SELF delivered in Jesus’ name and it’s caused within me a hate for sin. 

Will you ever know or begin to understand love, yes! because you are going through it with me your brain is freeing up and can now expand process faster breathe easier. No more wrestles morning showers of last nights defeat, no more mornings plagued by horror right before you preach. 

We are HEALED and are now just scabbing up. 

The scars will soon show—but they’ll be reminders of what we’ve done— to never do again and a sign to others, Do Not Awaken Love Until It is So Desired.