#topdara

It was the last day of senior year and all around people were saying their goodbyes and making fake promises to meet one another during the summer. Seunghyun was walking through the halls, casually nodding to anyone who called out to him and quickly walked past them. He hated when people tried to cling to him and acted over dramatic. He was glad to be leaving high school and entering college where he hoped he can meet people similar to him. For now, the only person he could tolerate was Sandara, or how she liked to be called: Dara. Dara was a small yet unusual girl. She was the only one that could get Seunghyun off his high horse and be the sweet person he was deep inside. Half the school thought that they there a couple because they were almost inseparable, but little did they know Seunghyun despised relationships more than anything else. In his world, love didn’t exist, and anyone who claimed to be in love was an idiot.

He was waiting by the school gates when Dara jumped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his waist and started wailing at the top of her lungs.

“WE’RE NEVER GOING TO SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN! I’M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH TABI, WE HAVE TO MEET UP EVERY DAY!”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” He struggled to get the girl off her. Seunghyun held Dara at arm’s length and stared at her with a horrified expression. Dara began to laugh so hard, she was almost cackling.

“You should’ve seen your face! Man I really am going to miss this school, only because I won’t be able to see everyone annoying the crap out of you.”

“Very funny, weirdo.”

“You’re really not going to miss anyone?”

“Nope.”

“Not even me?”

“Why would I miss you? You’re coming with me.”

“I know, but it’s not like we’re going to be together forever. We have to part at some point.” Dara’s voice was strangely very solemn and it caught Seunghyun off guard. Putting his arm around her shoulder and his head resting on hers, he said “Aw Dara, you know you shouldn’t be thinking that hard. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Seunghyun saw it coming, but Dara punched him in the stomach.

“Asshole.” She left his embrace and continued walking home.

“I’m sorry! But you know that it’s highly unlikely that we won’t be together.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve known each other for 12 years now.”

“That doesn’t prove anything.”

“Of course it does. I already got used to your stupidity and you got used to mine, you can’t just leave now. You’re not allowed to.”

“What if it’s not my choice?” Seunghyun was standing in front of her now, confused more than ever.

“Okay, what is wrong with you? Why are you talking as if you’re never going to see me again?”

Dara started laughing, but something was off.

“Nothing, I was just being all melodramatic to make fun of you again. Look I should head home first, my mom needed help with some cleaning. I’ll call you later!” Seunghyun stood there confused because he knew something was wrong, but he didn’t know what. Why wouldn’t Dara tell him what’s going on with her?

“I’m home Mom,” Dara was putting her things down when her mom came out of the kitchen.

“Hey sweetie, how are you feeling?” Her mom never stopped worrying.

“Fine, I guess.” Dara’s voice was small.

“Why do you sound so down?”

“Because I won’t be able to see Seunghyun anymore.” Her voice broke as she said the last words.

“Dara…” Dara gave her mom a heartbreaking smile and walked up to her room.

In his room Seunghyun could hear his parents screaming at each other at the top of his lungs. He never understood why they were together if they hated each other so much. After things calmed down a bit, he called Dara. The phone rang a few times before she picked up.

“Did you run to the phone?”

“Huh?”

“You sound out of breath.”

“Oh yeah, haha I did. So what’s up?”

“Nothing really, just my parents going at each other as usual, you?”

“I was taking a nap.”

“I thought you had to help clean?” “We finished already.” Dara sounded nervous and her heart almost stopped when her mom called for her to take her medicine.

“Medicine? Are you sick?”

“They’re vitamins.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay. My mom’s calling me, bye.” Dara hung up abruptly. He was left even more confused. Dara was lying about something and he knew it.

The days passed by and Seunghyun barely saw Dara. It was driving him crazy not knowing what was going on. He decided to go to her house but only her mother was there.

“Mrs. Park, is Dara home?” Dara’s mom seemed a little off too.

“No she’s not actually.”

“Where is she?”

“At a relative’s house, with her father.”

“Oh, then can you just tell her I stopped by.” He was walking away when Dara’s mom called his name.

“Why don’t you come inside, I’ll make you a sandwich.” The house looked different, everything was super clean.

“Wow you and Dara did an amazing job of cleaning, there’s no dust at all.” Her mother looked confused for a moment and tried to cover it up with a nod and smile.

“Mrs. Park… Please tell me what’s going on.” She stopped moving and stood there for a minute. She turned her back towards him to hide the tears that were daring to fall any moment.

“I know something’s wrong, but Dara isn’t telling me and I need to know. Please.” She turned around and saw the desperation on Seunghyun’s face.

“It’s not my place to tell you.” He knew this was bigger than anything he’s been thinking about.

“But, I can give you something. Wait here.” Dara’s mom returned to the kitchen with a book in her hand, it was Dara’s diary.

“Why are you giving me this?”

“I know Dara was going to give it to you one day, everything’s explained inside. I want you to read it and remember that this was all because Dara cares about you. You’re going to be really angry when you read this but please keep in mind how much she loves you.” He left their house and ran home.

Inside his room he opened the diary and the first few pages were about how her day went. He noticed how she kept complaining about how her stomach kept hurting but she ignored them thinking it was cramps. The next pages left Seunghyun in shock.

I just came from the doctor’s and I found out that I have cancer. It’s in my stomach and I only have about a  year left. How is that possible, I just turned 18? How am I supposed to go through life knowing I could drop dead any moment? How am I supposed to have a family? How am I supposed to tell Seunghyun?

He sat there reading her diary for hours, not being able to move away. He was re-living the school year but in Dara’s shoes. Not being able to tell when she was in pain or when she was uncomfortable, Seunghyun felt horrible. He was supposed to be her best friend; he’s supposed to know every aspect of her. But he was so wrapped up in his own problems; he never noticed when Dara needed him. He was always so selfish only taking her presence in his life for granted.

Seunghyun was at the last page of the diary now, and this page scared him more than the first.

Life is so funny sometimes. When I thought I had all the time in the world I had no one that I loved or even liked. But now that I’m dying, I realized something. I’ve been in love this whole time. I’ve been in love with Seunghyun. He’s the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, and last when I go to sleep. But it’s no use anyway, it’s not like he loves me back, hell the idiot thinks he can’t love anyone. If only he can understand that it’s okay to love someone and it’s okay to let people in. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re strong. Letting people see you when you’re scared or vulnerable is being strong.

I’m really scared, I don’t want to die. Please help me. I really don’t want to die. I can’t die. I want to go to college, become a photographer, and have a family. I want to tell Seunghyun how I feel about him. I want to have my first kiss. I want to go out on dates, I want to be in love. I want to be heartbroken. Please.

Without knowing it, tears were streaming down Seunghyun’s face. He was terrified and all he knew was that he had to see Dara. After begging her mom to let him see her, she drove him to the hospital.

He stood outside her door, still crying. Everything seemed real now and the moment he stepped inside and saw Dara lying on the bed, it hit him. She was going to die. His best friend was going to die. When he thought about how he would do anything to switch places with her he knew that he was the idiot because all his life he condemned people for loving, when he’s been in love all this time. He loved everything about her. From her big eyes to that birth mark she had on her right leg. As he stepped closer towards her, his love only grew stronger. She was so brave but so dumb. She delayed her treatment only because she wanted to go through senior year as a normal teenager.

He was holding her hand now and in these few days she’s gotten even skinnier and her thick brown hair, was now almost completely gone. The grip he had on her hand was so strong that it woke her up. She was shocked to see him there, crying his eyes out. She could only smile at him and it broke his heart.

“Hey…”

“I told you, you aren’t allowed to leave! What am I supposed to do without you? You have to be the one to keep me grounded and keep me from being the asshole that I am. I need you Dara, you can’t just leave. I know I’ve been selfish but I promise I’ll take such good care of you, just please don’t leave me!” He was sobbing now and his head hanging low near their intertwined hands.

“Tabi, I’m scared.” The tears wouldn’t stop for her either. Seunghyun looked up at her and realized that once again he was being selfish. He had to be there for her and be strong for her. So, Seunghyun wiped his tears and cleared his throat.

“I know, I am too. But like you said, you can only be strong when you let people see you when you’re scared and vulnerable. I swear to you Dara I’ll always be here for you every step of the way. You’re not going to be alone, I promise.” He held both of her hands in his and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Dara’s eyes widened in shock.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with an idiot like me this whole time.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

“Yes I am. We’ve had hundreds of fights about love and me claiming that it doesn’t exist, when this whole time I just couldn’t admit how I’ve been in love with you, and how much that scared me, but I don’t care anymore. I love you Dara, so much and I’ll love you my whole life.” She was speechless but now she had the chance to say what she’s wanted to say for so long.

“I love you too.” Her voice was so small and so broken that all Seunghyun could do was caress her hair and lean down to kiss her. He hoped it would give her the courage that she needed.