#tongzi

I’ve been subjected to discrimination in a variety of forms.Since the age of two I’ve identified as a gay female. Yes, I had a very clear understanding of what the word gay meant. I was fortunate enough to be born to a very open, honest, and accepting mother. I never really had to come out to my family, and when I thought that I was, my mother laughed, and told me to tell her something that she didn’t know.

 Even though I was graced to have the acceptance of my entire family, I still had the struggles of coming out to my peers. My mother never forced me to dress a certain way or to behave a certain way. Of course she raised me with manners, but in terms of my own individuality, she gave me free rein, and because of that, I developed into a tomboy. For years it was evident that I was female because I had long hair, but somewhere around the age of nine years old I chopped all of my hair off, still evident that I was female no one ever questioned my sexuality. At the age of 11, my older sister came home from Los Angeles with a cool hair cut, very similar to the styles that are fashionable today. I begged my mother to let me cut my hair just like my older sister. Being the open-minded mother that she is, she cut my hair herself. My mom took clippers and shaved the sides and back of my hair, leaving just the hair on top of my head so that I could flip my hair to the side, ironically, I have this exact hairstyle present day.

 Entering middle school, I didn’t think that my new hairstyle was odd or boyish. I didn’t see any gender boundaries because my mom never created those boundaries, but little did I know that other kid’s parents did create such boundaries, and because of this, I was the subject of bullying. As mentioned before, I identified as a gay female, and not a lesbian. For a long time I identified as a gay female because in my mind the word lesbian was such a perverted degrading word. Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s, lesbians didn’t really have much of a voice, not like gay men did in those days. As odd as it sounds, it seems that gay men were much more accepted than lesbians in that era.  

 During this period of my life I faced a lot of discrimination from my peers. I rode a skateboard, looked like a little boy, and my best friend was a queer boy that looked like Martin Gore from Depeche Mode, but acted like Madonna. He wore skinny jeans (his moms), and Vans before it was the cool thing that hipsters did, and continue to do.  I got into a lot of physical altercations during this time, as well as, verbal disputes. I always kept to myself, and just the little group of friends that accepted me for who I was. Again, I never came out, but it was very evident in my appearance, and attitude that I was indeed queer.

 It was during this time that I would have to face the harsh reality of discrimination, but it was also during this time that I developed a strong sense of my own identity.  With the love, and support of my family, and true friends, I grew into a determined, outspoken individual.  Always taught to stand up for what I believed in, I was sometimes the target of cruel jokes, and ridicule, but I always spoke my mind, and shrugged it off, never giving it a second thought because I was comfortable in my own skin.  I didn’t need the acceptance of strangers nor did I need the acceptance of anyone that I didn’t view as my equal.