#tomboycat

It’s May! You’re a graduate now! Alumni! Be proud! You’ve come over great obstacles to get where you are now! You got your degree and you’re ready to take on the world! Aren’t you?

Probably not.

At least I know I wasn’t.  Not saying that I didn’t try my best to prepare for the “real world”, it’s just no matter how many internships you do, references you have, or awards you obtained during college, you can never really prepare yourself for how shitty the world is. Poor, rich, young, old, no one is ever ready. College is a safety net, a holographic curtain that shows you what you want to see, but once pulled back, looks like a scene from one of the terminator sequels: Destruction with a side of hopelessness.

Now, I’m not saying college is useless; it definitely prepares you for certain situations and people, but if you think for one second that because you did good in college, that you would do good in post graduate life, you got the world fucked up; and it’s a she btw.

SO! What now? You can go back, do grad school and eventually end up like Jimmy’s dad on Kanye West’s College Dropout skits, do a unpaid internship while doing part time at some shitty job, relocate, or the easy way out, which is offing yourself.  Neither route is easy. But you got to do something! I doubt you want to stay with family for the rest of your days. I know what you can’t do: give up (so the last option isn’t really an option).

I graduated with honors, had dean’s list every semester, even a nice little social life. So how did I end up working at a Hipster pizza joint with a racist Hispanic boss, you may ask? Doubt. I kept doubting that I wouldn’t be good enough because:

·         I didn’t go to a good enough school

·         I didn’t have good enough experience

·         So, I doubted that I would get a decent job right out of college.

I told myself, “Until I be good enough to do “XYZ”, I’ll do this”, but one promise I did make myself is that I wouldn’t get complacent.

What I wanted to say is:

“I’m a first generation college graduate; I don’t have a blueprint for this shit! I don’t even know how to file taxes! Help!”

I had a breaking point. One day, I came into work and had a shitty attitude, because obviously I wasn’t happy where I was. I was working hard shifts, being nice to everyone, even creeps; it was taking a toll on me emotionally. “You have to smile, Colletta! The guest doesn’t care about how bad your day is! They want their pizza with a smile and good customer service. Smile!” I thought to myself “nigga, I don’t give a fuck. They need to get their pizza and go to hell!”

We would get all kinds of customers:

·         Wealthy

·         Racist

·         Rude

·         Crackheads

·         People who are bling’d out, but have fake money

·         Friends looking for discounts, but their friend didn’t come in that day

One time, my co-worker got cursed out by a deaf person via sound language. Very wide variety!

So at this point, I was over it. I had nothing to smile for. Yea, I had a job, but at what cost?

“Once you hate getting up in the morning to go to work, leave”. Dead ass. That’s not healthy energy.  I was becoming mean, stagnant, lost motivation to do what I loved doing (drawing specifically, because it was my favorite past time). Once, I went to work and almost cried my eyes out just because I hated it there so much. But why be mad? I chose that life. No one was forcing me to be there. So, I quit.

I originally wanted to throw a steaming, hot pizza on my manager’s face while screaming “SUCK A DICK BITCH! I’M OUT!”, but putting in a 2- week noticed sufficed.

so i started a new blog, because i want an outlet to talk about issues that not only matter to me, but to anyone who goes through shit (which i’m sure is a good amount of you all). ISSUES ISSUES ISSUES READ ALL ABOUT IT! 

ALSO, i think it will be a cooler way to showcase my talent and writing skills. so if you guys would support me by following, that’ll be great. of course i’ll follow everyone back. THIS IS BIG YOU GUYS! I’M OPENING UP! I’M BEING A BIG KID NOW!

cocoannepuffs.tumblr.com is the url and link

thanks!

also you can message me about what topics you guys would like my opinion (or facts) on. i want to be open as possible. ALL TOPICS ARE ON THE TABLE