#tokhang

I,

with eyes colored in blood,

struggled

and stumbled

to see the light,

blinded

and addicted

to these flashing

hallucinations of

what meant to be

the good life.

I,

with relapses and shaking hands,

could not hold

and grasp

this ugly reality

that poisons the world.

So, I poisoned

myself

to save myself

and the world

inside a dream

I don’t want to

wake up on.

I,

who hides from the authority,

to live in a fantasy

of fancy things,

of happy things,

of a world of smiles.

Smiles I cannot

put on when

I’m sober and lonely

and withheld of the

ability to dream.

I,

with a rapid heartbeat,

held my shaky hands

in the air,

and then death demands

I turn to him

to show myself.

I’ve been found.

With my bloodshot eyes

I looked at

death, and

death pierced my heart

Manila

“Yung namatay daw kanina sa Bulacan, 32, in a massive raid. Maganda ‘yun. Makapatay lang tayo ng mga another 32 everyday then maybe we can reduce what ails this country (The ones who died in Bulacan, 32, in a massive raid, that is good. We could just kill another 32 everyday, then maybe we could reduce what ails this country),” Mr. Duterte said

I don’t post this stuff much because it’s depressing, but yeah. People talked about not normalizing Trump, but my Facebook’s had this steady stream of police killings, and it’s gotten to be normal, statistics.

"NADUROGANG PANGARAP" Ama ang nais ko ay maging pulis Sa durogista ako ang manunugis Inay ito ay pagsusumikapan ko Bata pa lang ay pangarap na ito

Ang bansang mahal ay lugmok na Baon sa kurapsyon, lulong sa droga Paglaki ay magsisilbing liwanag Sabay na sa pag-asa tayo umaninag

Ang gabi ay binalot ng mga alulong Mga parak sa akin ay may binubulong Tangan ang baril at ngilid na luha Takbong matulin, pangarap ay nasira

bata, bata, patanong anong oras na ba? ‘di mo ba narinig ang mga balita?

anong bilin ni inay? umuwi ka nang maaga, 'wag ka nang pasaway at tumambay diyan sa kanto.

magsuot ka nga ng sando kung ayaw mong matangay, ‘wag ka nang pasaway, ‘wag ka nang maghintay

sa labas, kung ayaw mo na bukas ay ikaw naman ang kanilang itapon sa likod ng rehas.

anong sabi ng pulis? tumakbong mabilis. anong sabi ng pulis? iputok ang baril—

at nanlaban, bulsa biglang shabu ang laman, kung ‘san galing ang pakete ‘di nila alam

kaya tagu-taguan, maliwanag ang buwan, 'di na biro ang laro ng habul-habulan

kung kaya’t kung ako'y ikaw, hanap na ng tataguan mula sa pula, mula sa bughaw, mula sa balang ligaw

na nanunuklaw parang mga pangil ng ahas sa lansangan wala kang takas at walang ligtas

See, there’s a thing that’s been going around for years, whenever someone’s murdered, usually purpurtedly by addicts, you’ll see pictures of the dead person posted on Facebook and “Where’s the CHR’s outrage over the victims?!? They only love addicts and criminals.”

I can’t even get really pissed about this anymore, I'm just writing to help with my own sanity. That’s not what the CHR does you fuckwits, cops are supposed to investigate crimes, fucken obviously. People and news orgs have tried to explain over and over, slowly and sincerely, or even with patronizing or straight-up condescending infographics. Because this shit’s not fucking rocket science.