#toiletrating

Luton Airport - big queues, miles away from civilisation, flush too close to the toilet so it flushed whilst I was on it.

HALP! I’M TRAPPED INSIDE A TIFFANY’S BOX!

Handicap accessible?

It is on the ground floor, but no railing. A half-assed effort. 

Lighting?

Oh sure, you can see well in there. But do you want to? DO YOU?

Toilet paper quality?

A dry 2-ply. I’d expect more from you, Tiffany’s box.

Paper towels and soap?

Yes, they were there and readily accessible. Good thing because I wanted to GTFO ASAP. Dat blue-blue is a no-no.

Open for public use/ non-patrons?

Like most places, they will probably frown, roll their eyes at you, and make you feel guilty for using the restroom if you haven’t purchased a coffee in the greenhouse-cafe. 

Overall Rating:

If you find yourself in this underrated borough and wandering through the never ending park next to the US Open—do yourself a favor and pop a squat in the museum bathroom, if only as an excuse to sneak in and check out some art.

Clean facilities?

Handicap accessible?

Last stall—did someone say luxury bathroom?

Lighting?

You won’t find any vampires hiding around.

Toilet paper quality?

You know when people don’t take a square properly and then the TP is all fucked up because people can’t rip it off right and the entire roll is just a spiral into oblivion? Well, that happened, and it was annoying as shit (pun-induced giggle or eye roll completely unintentional). 

Paper towels and soap?

Nay and yay. BUT—there are FREE tampons! Say wha…guess you’ve uncovered the mystery behind the gender of at least one of us now...

Open for public use/ non-patrons?

Both entrances have those pesky ticket collectors looking bored at their desks, so just ask nicely. Or run past them.

Overall Rating:

💩💩💩.5/ 5

Location:

Haven's Kitchen: Where poops go to a better place.

Clean facilities?

I went in the morning and it was spotless enough for bacon angels:

Handicap accessible?

Lighting?

Toilet paper quality?

It was trying to be fancy, but not fooling anyone.

Paper towels and soap?

Yes. And these glorious signs turned into framed art - who does that shit?:

(I actually really loved this. Much nicer to look at than typical reminders.)

Open for public use/ non-patrons?

You could definitely use the facilities without buying anything - the baristas are oh-so-lovely.

Overall Rating:

💩💩💩💩.5 / 5

Location: Haven's Kitchen, 109 W 17th St, New York, NY 10011

Well, it’s usually a safe call to be wary of a bar described on Yelp as having “cool modern decor,”but hey, you can at least usually expect a good time if it’s applied to a bathroom.

Clean facilities?

Everything was so shiny and glossy like their magazine counterpart, I almost sat down on their mini hot pink chaise lounge to collect myself. Or take a power nap.

Handicap accessible?

Slide right on through to the other side.

Lighting?

Pretty decent, until the lights just completely went out in the stall (frantic arm waving never fails). Luckily it was 30 seconds in, not a minute and 30 seconds later. I’m all for conserving energy, but at least a little mood lighting is preferred when spending QT with the white porcelain.

Toilet paper quality?

I was surprised the rolls weren’t at least a light shade of pink.

Paper towels and soap?

Gosh, those custom paper towels stamped with the stout ‘W’ are as thick as blankets. Would be fantastic for inserting under a loose table leg. But no soap! JK, JK.  

Open for public use/ non-patrons?

Sure. It’s on the floor of their bar ‘The Living Room’—if only all living rooms automatically served drinks equally as nice. Unless you’re headed specifically to the bar, taking the elevator all the way up may not be worth the trip, unless you have a serious thing for hot pink restroom decor.

Overall Rating:

💩💩💩💩 / 5

Location: