#todsengel

meme. accepting.

he was a quiet boy,   surrounded by violence inflicted by a man he was supposed to rely on,  the blue and purple on his skin an undeniable truth of his situation that he could not escape   /  named an outcast by others,  isolated from his peers through their cruel treatment of his mannerisms.  none of his behavior was cruel;  it was innocuous,  perhaps even naive,  a desire to be accepted,  to make friends.   perhaps it was how suddenly,  his hair no longer reached his waist,  black locks now a short mess atop his head,  a (literal) weight off his shoulders.  seeing himself in the mirror those weeks beforehand was a miracle;  visible,  actual relief,  the pressure to hold onto a standard imposed by his parents no longer present in an oppressing manner. it made him happy.  for the first time in his life,  he felt genuine happiness.

this time    ------    there was joy he shared.  as the dusk had come and the sun had set,  the stars came out,  painting the sky with their radiant beauty. sneaking out from a parental household so young;   most did it to have a sleepover with their significant others, but he did it to spend some time with the only friend he had.  fourteen years old he was.  little to give but his heart.  eren accepted him,  was kind to him,  helped him even if he did not always truly understand the struggles he faced  ----  but that was all he needed.  kindness.  respect.  even as he had yet to pick a name,  even as he had yet to decide what he wanted to be.

a radiant smile formed on his face,  the first time all the muscles in his body relaxed as his back laid on the green grass,  crickets all around them filling the silence they sometimes shared.  he turned to him, tears blurring his vision as emotions became overwhelming, a single hand wiping his eyes.    

❝  i’ll never forget this.  ❞

book starters | accepting

          WAS IT SO obvious ?  The crease of her brows, the redness of her cheeks, how she wanted to smash anything that could be broken. They started it !  Emily was implored to say, but she only looked at him for a moment and huffed, turning her pouting face somewhere else, he had seen her cry before, but that didn’t mean she should make a habit of it. The little one crosses her arms and taps her foot on the ground, trying her hardest not to tell him everything, to shout and stomp her feet and make a scene of herself– one she heartily resisted to retain her precious image. Even if he knew how she was, whatever sweet image she kept was broken the moment her fist reached the other child’s face, the names she called him and the venom she spat, sneering. 

“ It wasn’t my fault, ”   She said, quieter than usual.  “ He was being rude, ”   And it very much warranted a fist to the jaw. Nothing was out of the ordinary, children fought, they got their knees scuffed and they settled it out, but she was an Empress. She knew of the looming figures, the adults and how they looked down on her, their ever so scrutinizing gaze. They were waiting, she knew, waiting for her to slip up and for all their assumptions to be correct. The Child Empress, that’s all she was to them. Though there was clarity that those kids were too ignorant to know, thought she was only some noble brat, and not the Empress of the Isles. Nobody would believe them if they did speak up, and she would make sure of it. 

She looks up at the older boy, assessing his face– which was a task in of itself with how plain he looked. There was nothing to be seen, though she was inclined to tell him that he had no place to judge her, but would wait if he were to open his mouth and say something asinine.  Right now all she wanted was some juice and pastries, and maybe to tell Eren to let her braid his hair again, if he insisted on keeping it so gross like he did.  She wouldn’t even think of telling him she thought his hair was soft, if only he did more things with it.

A RISING MAN PROMPTS | ACCEPTING

     NAILS PRESSING DEEP into her palm, down her arms. She remembers giving chase until her legs were threatening to collapse, and her stomach was tight with stabbing cramps that made her unable to move forward and instead hunch to pant and wheeze. Eren had told her how stupid she was, asking what she was trying to prove. Farnese wondered the same thing. Heroism, in this world, would only lead to dire consequences, it was something to be learned. The world was not kind to people like her, nor to the likes of him. The good guys didn’t always win-- in fact, they rarely did, or Farnese had seen zero proof of such. 

     Absentmindedly, she continued to scratch, eyes laid on the stone floor, her failure glossed over her eyes, and embarrassment pricked her ears. The moment of adrenaline she once retained swiftly passed away. Stupid, or brave, one in the same. She realizes now, that she could have been shot, or beaten, but they just ran, seemingly assessing her as an unworthy opponent. Eren offered her water and she took it, only to place it down beside her. 

          “ We could ... still catch them ... ”   foolish, dumb girl.   “ Can’t we ? ”

 “     …  WAS THIS   the way it was before    ...    ?      ”   your fingers catch   ,  tug  ,  pull in rules of three against the star branded on your arm  /  face impassive to the nature your questions bring          there is no solace in idle conversation   ;   not here   ,   amongst the ruins of crumbled nations where you scramble for redemption with gawkish   ,   ghostly fingers .  fumbling apologies to limpid   ,   listless  skies .   (  not a hero any longer  /  we are simply tragedies of firelight  &  flesh  /  unholy sacraments of blood  &  broken bodies         monsters aren’t born   ,   they told me  :  they are slowly created   ,   formed like clay pottery   ,   watered with callous memories  &  mixed with cruel claws  /  they are hardened with lies  &  false ideals   ,   then painted with the blood of young victims    /   you know the monster is me .  ) 

interrogation starters | accepting

          “ They didn’t, ”

     IT WAS HER firm stance, hands balled into fists at her side. To be interrogated in such a fashion, expecting her to break with any slight pressure. Farnese wouldn’t abide, nor would she falter under how extraordinarily cold he spoke. 

     Nobody told her anything more, nor did she ask. Who broke the teapot ?  Was she to be blamed for such an abhorrent crime ?  Perhaps her reputation of being the Vandimion Devil Child ( or as some prefer: Vandemon )  was withdrawn to outside the inner walls. 

     Farnese shook her head, frowning. 

          “ Do you take me for a liar, Eren ?  Perhaps it was, in fact, you who broke the teapot, ”   Oh, she went there.

     “ Eren look...I cut this folded piece of paper and..- ”   with a smile, she unfolds it and presents to him a little shoddy paper snowflake,  “ isn’t that delightful ?  It’s so cute !  A little one showed me how to do it, ”