#to us

But now that you were on a first date with one of your closest friends, you had no luxury within the comfort of cliches. He knew everything about you, your excruciating lore—Hell, he’d been there for half of it. He knew your favorite Fanta flavor, and the last book that made you sob on your floor at ungodly hours. You didn’t have to wonder if he liked you. You didn’t even have to wonder if he thought that niche habit you had was weird, or if he’d text you back the next day.

He was always there; In the breeze through your hair, the coldest parts of your pillow, the perfect shade of blue. Anything. He was there, and sometimes you used to plead, asking if that was a mock or a luxury you took for granted. 

However, you did wonder when he started to see you in a different way, when his eyes fixed on you. You wondered where the lines began to blot and blur like watercolor paintings in a stagnant museum. You even almost asked where he found the beauty, stopping yourself promptly from opening a can of worms you weren’t sure you were prepared to clean up. 

There had to be a first for everything though, and dating your friend definitely was—especially someone as perfect as Dohoon, your kind and gentle BBF. Boy-best-friend, obviously.

And you were a good best friend too, always telling him to never settle, introducing him to up-to-par people—people who you deemed worthy of taking away his time from you. You were the one who kept it strictly casual all those years, friendzoning your own heart. 

But, through stolen glances you couldn’t say the same reigned true anymore. Nonetheless, self-sabotage was still your biggest weakness, and greatest enemy.

“Is this weird?” Dohoon’s voice softly snapped you from your reverie. 

Your eyebrows creased. “No,” you stated simply. “Just…unexpected.” 

He leaned back on his palms, head aimed towards the sky, dusk settling onto it. “Why’s that?”

It was a breathtaking mixture of pink and orange and white hues, clouds fluffy like the cotton candy that you and Dohoon would eat at Lotte World once a year on your birthday. 

You relished in the warmth of the setting sun, a shiver running through your body. “Just because…” you trailed off, taking in the lustrous green of mid August. This was one of your favorite parks, and Dohoon knew that; That’s exactly why he suggested taking you here, seeing the glow in your eyes as the words left his lips. “I guess I never expected it to be me.” 

Through your peripherals you saw his features contort in confusion. “Why wouldn’t it be you, yn?” your cheeks undoubtedly heated at his words, fighting the urge to shy away from the sheer innocence. “It’s always been you, and I'd be lucky to be loved by you.”

There was a soft sound that you exhaled in response, no words because you couldn’t bring yourself to feel anything other than words are worthless right now, mimicking his lean as you sat next to him. You tried to distract from the fact that your nervous system was all nervous and no system; Insides twisting, heart beating quickly, skin feeling too hot for the temperature outside. You’d never seen him casted under such an intense glow—a beautiful light—literally and metaphorically.

Truthfully, you’d never felt this way about anyone. You’d known Dohoon for the better part of your adolescence, and he’d always been your closest confidant. Of course, as if you were clasped in a teen-romances tightest grip, you developed a very, very (obviously, very) small crush on him. In your defense, how could you not? First of all, you weren’t blind, and even if you were, you think you’d fall just as hard. Nonetheless, you swallowed that as quickly as it had risen, ultimately deciding that being friends was better than something that could potentially end complicated. 

You couldn’t blame yourself for not wanting to lose him.  

You wondered if he weighed the odds, and if the feelings he possessed were strong enough to cast away the doubts of it not working. The same ones that plagued you and deterred you for all this time. Was he willing to take the risk of his heart beating for you until it stopped? And, did he know yours beat the same rhythm? 

Maybe it was when he started to work out, changing from the awkward boy you’d met in middle school to the well-defined abs and arms. Or maybe it was when he smiled with his eyes for the first time, opening up to the idea of people being around him. Or perhaps it was the fact that he’d remember little details about you, and so casually throwing them into conversation like it was always in the back of his mind, ones even you would forget sometimes. 

Or it was everything combined, or none at all, that solidified the feelings that made a home within you. You always knew it deep down, that all your past flings resembled him in one way or another. He was someone you kept close, someone you couldn’t escape…not that you’d ever want to. 

“Yn?” he asked breathily, basking in the final moments before the sun had fully set. “Can I ask you something?” 

And, if the question of which was prettier—the man at your side or the sunset in front of you—were to arise, you had no fear that the answer rolling off your tongue would be simple: Dohoon, with his soft hands, gentle personality, and contagious happiness. Every time. 

But, you bit back the metaphors for love clawing up your throat. “Sure,” 

“Why’d you do it? Introduce me to every single girl you made friends with?” 

Your blush deepened. If he had asked you a couple days ago, you would’ve been sure of your answer—or, at least, you liked to think you would be—but now that he was scanning over your side-profile, awaiting an answer, you weren’t so sure. It used to be because you wanted him to have someone kind, someone who would treat him the way he deserved and reciprocate the love he’d sure as Hell give. 

You wanted him to be happily in love, off the market so…he could finally be off your damn mind. 

“I, uh, just wanted you to find someone nice. I wasn’t trying to get rid of you, I’m sorry if it seemed like that. I like hanging out with you, obviously.” 

He hummed contemplatively, clearly not satisfied with your answer. You wished you could just tell him what he wanted to hear; What you wanted to desperately spew out. 

“Can I ask you something else?” 

You fought with gulping a dry throat, humming in response because you feared nothing but hoarseness would exist instead. 

“Why would you agree to a date if that was actually the case?” your heart skipped a beat, or three, you were sure of it. “Are you that someone nice now?” 

Your eyes met, time freezing in the lingering heat of summer, though you had never felt warmer. There was no doubt the blush was melting through your foundation now, hands shaking against the brightly-patterned blanket you had brought from the backseat of your car. 

“Can I ask you something now, Dohoon?” you responded with a question of your own, ignoring his—though, he didn’t seem to mind—hummin in acceptance. Your eyes flickered like the fireflies in the air to the place you shouldn’t have dreamed about, but his lips always looked so inviting. A place you’d like to call home. “...Can I kiss you?”

Darkness had descended, the lamps following the bike path all lighting up in sync. It was cinematic at its worst and the world’s eighth wonder at best. You would have laughed at the coincidence if you weren’t so focused on the distance that was gradually closing between you—agonizingly slow. All the surrounding sounds; Crickets chirping and cicadas singing, even kids’ screeches from the nearby playground faded out, like it was only you two on the entire planet. 

The contrast between his usual timid personality and the gravity of the question took you aback. 

“Will you be mine?”  

You shook it off before your lips could touch, mumbling something along the lines of, have been for a while, against his breath, meeting halfway. 

There was a first for everything, but you were glad it was Dohoon on the other end of that tether this time.

Fireworks went off inside you, setting your heart aflame and illuminating the stars behind your eyes, pulling you out of the darkest places. If he was lucky to be loved by you then he must’ve been straight out of Plato’s Symposium.