Some one

Every one

Hates me

"Write something for the angsty 'Mord unter Misteln' fanfic," says the brain.

Meanwhile Tom’s absence of personal identity means he tries to define himself in relationship to other people. He wants to be needed because this gives him a sense of purpose. He wants someone he can mold his sense of identity around. He also tries to define himself through his working relationships and career ambition, but his consistent failure to effectively integrate into that group leaves him looking elsewhere for an anchor. His relationships with both Shiv and Greg began because they needed him, albeit in different ways and for different reasons. He defines himself through those relationships, particularly the idealized versions of them in his head - the idyllic romantic fantasy he wants with Shiv, and both the power trip and the friendship he wants with Greg - and real-world evidence which contradicts those fantasies shatters his own fragile sense of self. Whenever this happens he’s left attempting to “contextualize” it into a new sense of self, but the further reality moves from the fantasy the harder it becomes to do so, and the more disintegrated he begins to feel. When he ultimately sacrifices his marriage in 3.09 he needs Greg to come with him because he knows he’s about to lose Shiv, and he needs some kind of anchor, and Logan is too fickle a person to anchor an identity around (as his children have experienced). Greg is predictable and Tom understands the dynamic he has with Greg, so to bring Greg with him is to bring a sense of familiarity and stability as he upends the relationship that he has used as a defining part of his identity for so long.