#to q

Hi Sien I hope you are well.  You have given excellent advice to others I wonder if you could help me out.  I had someone I’d known for over two years and considered them a friend and thought they felt the same way about me.  We skyped a lot and wrote all the time but things started to change.  I did speak with them and they said nothing had changed and our friendship was solid.  However actions speak louder than words.  This was a person that used to blow up my messages and call.  Now if we do talk it’s like I’m talking to someone I don’t know because honestly I don’t feel like I know them anymore and I do feel uncomfortable.  If we text my messages get left on read and if they respond it’s surprising.  It hurt my feelings honestly and once again I told them and the said how they would do better for us to have time to write like we used to, needless to say it hasn’t happened.  So many things went on because we had side blogs we would write more complex things on and those stories have gotten dropped.  They also seemed to like keeping me there because when we would write they’d suggest something from those blogs. Every muse (on public blogs) I have they found someway to be girlfriend, boyfriend or something significant to them.  Which means entwined backstories of things of that nature. 

Sien, I tried to start back writing a few weeks ago without them and the blog I chose to return to first was one that the relationship between my muse and theirs weren’t as ‘out there’ as others so it was easy to not have that glaring reminder.  And when I said characters I mean entire universes building upon themselves etc.  This person still claims they still love to write with my muses and the things we created however they went back to their “Genesis” blog and are now exclusively writing from there.  Even though I have dealt with several muses from that blog I don’t feel comfortable because of some those they deal with (that I have blacklisted).  However when they are over there the behavior towards my muses or me in general isn’t the same and it’s like nothing we did ever existed and I’m just some random person.  What I’m doing now is really to mentally distance myself from this person because they are clearly not the person I thought I was friends with.  Yes I know people change but when it seems like someone used you basically as their shrink it hurts.  I am better than that and I am a good friend to people in every since of the word.  During one of the times when we were trying to work on this I told them that perhaps I was there just to help them through the rough time in their life.  And we have those people, I’m not naive enough to think everyone that comes into your life is forever.  But the more things went on it seemed that way.  They flipped it on me as if to say I was just walking away from them.  This is a person that last summer we nearly weren’t friends anymore due to those folks I blacklisted and how that person behaved when they were around them.

Sorry I got off track, I attempted to start writing a few weeks ago and picked up a few threads.  Really I was surprised at the reception because I didn’t think anyone would care if I was gone or not.  I’m not a constant blogger of what I had for breakfast that morning or what movie I went to see; I’m just not that type I let my muses talk if people wanted to know that stuff there are two things ask for my personal or ask me.  However I have basically blocked that person on every blog I have with tumblr, tumblr savior and x-kit.  Yet I just feel SO uncomfortable on my own blogs.  I wanted to branch back out from the one I started back up to my others to get them going again.  But I can’t for some reason cause I feel just so uncomfortable.  Since the feeling of discomfort came I took another hiatus but as we rpers know our muses want to do stuff and have adventures, meet people etc.  I however don’t seem to have that sense of comfort anymore though I LONG to write.

What should I do?  Should I remake my blogs?  Or just stop completely? I don’t really want to talk to that person about our friendship anymore because I think that is over.  Now I just want to heal from feeling like I was used.

Thanks for letting me vent and for yourself help,

Q-

Hi darling !!

I am very well, thank you so much for asking. First of all, I am sorry to hear what has happened between you and your friend. Feeling like someone that used to mean so much to you is slipping away is… Honestly, one of the hardest feelings in the world because it isn’t a problem you can solve by yourself. You can try to message them every day, you can try and talk to them or call them or write with them – but if it only happens from one side ( yours ) and it isn’t being returned to you… Then there’s nothing you can do, right ?? And you see a ship sail away from you and you are powerless because it isn’t what you want yet there is nothing to stop it. I’ve felt this several times, over the years. Both with people I’ve known from years in real life ( friends I kind of lost contact with when I started college – people who meant the world to me during high school and I – maybe naively so – considered to be best friends for life – even though there was nothing I wanted more than to stay in touch with them and keep them close ) as well as people I met online. I have/had a couple friends who I have known for years ( 3+ ) thanks to roleplay, and who I used to talk to daily for years. People who I told everything to, you know ?? But from all the people I’ve met on here, over the years, there are only two or so who I am still regularly in contact with and who I still consider my very best friends. I know I’m damn lucky I found those people. Of course I meet lots of wonderful people on here, and there are people I now talk to daily and I hope our growing friendship will also stand the test of time but you never know. The thing is, those people I’ve known for years and was so close too kind of disappeared out of my life as well and while that saddened me at the time – I think understanding that some people just aren’t meant to stay in your life forever ( which I think is good you realise already ) is important. Some people come, change you ( hopefully for the better ) and then leave again. I’ve had a friend I used to be so damn close with but their life got busy and they decided to step away from Tumblr and focus on themselves and their life and their happiness and while I’m sad that meant losing track of our friendship and not chatting anymore at all ( at least, not nearly as much as we used to ), then so be it. I’m glad they’re focusing on them, I’m glad they’re happy with their life. They deserve it. And even though it was hard in the beginning, I accepted this. And that helped me move on. But that doesn’t mean I’m not here for them anymore if they were to ever need a listening ear – and I think they also know this. I’ve got another person I used to be so close with, and who I’ve known for years who turned out to be someone I simply cannot trust and rely on. Who turned out to be someone completely different than I thought they were – someone kind of two faced and hypocrite. I recently discovered this and I realised for myself this is not the type of person I want to be friends with, or who I want to roleplay with. So I took several steps back and I plan on keeping it that way. I’ve gone through a bit of a rough patch with this, honestly, met a bunch of people who turned out not to be who they claim they are and turned out to be not really reliable or honest or trustworthy and after realising that – after coming to the conclusion that life is too short to waste it on people who 1) don’t want to be in your life and 2) are not genuine and not trustworthy, I actually felt happier and relieved when I cut them out. I recently feel like I can breathe again, and I try to surround myself with people who I know care for me the same way I care for them and who I know want me in their life and who I know I can trust. And finding those people, that’s trial and error. Sometimes, you have to run into the wrong people to realise and discover what you deserve. And someone who isn’t willing to fight for you, someone who makes you feel uncomfortable, someone who sticks knives in your back… They’re not the people you want in your life. 

What I want to say is – even though it’s sad, and even though it’s not something you anticipated back in the days – if this person doesn’t even put in the effort to rekindle your friendship, and if this person makes you feel uncomfortable, and if this person makes you feel tired of trying to reach out to them and talk to them about what saddens you about your friendship… Then I guess they’re not worth it. Not everyone is meant to stay forever, like you said. And I know it’s hard, especially when you think back about the good things you had, but letting them go is the best thing to do. For yourself. It’ll give you room to breath again. It’ll give you room to be comfortable again. And maybe it’ll make them realise what they’ve thrown away. And if it doesn’t, then too bad for them, really. Life is funny and it surprises you in so many ways. I think all we can do about that is just roll with it, because trying to change it isn’t always worth the effort. And you tried, and that’s incredibly noble and sweet of you – but they didn’t do the same thing in return. So, I think it’s time for you to just let that sink in and realise there is not use in trying to keep fighting for a lost cause, right ?? I am sure you will meet new people – you’ve got a lifetime ahead of you to find amazing people and make wonderful friends who will see your worth and who will fight back for you. Because, darling, you deserve no less. You deserve someone who makes you feel wanted and cared for – who makes you feel at ease and lets you know they want you in their life, just like you want them in yours. I am sure you will find those people. But in order to find them, sometimes you’ll bump into people who are merely there to remind you of what you do deserve… I guess that’s just how life works. So, good on you for realising this, dear, and for taking a step back and let it be. I think that is the best thing you can do.

As for your roleplaying and your blogs – if you have the desire to write, and you have the muse left, then I wouldn’t give up and quit roleplay all together. I’m not saying you won’t get over it – you probably will, after a while, develop a life that doesn’t include roleplay anymore. Just like you had one before you discovered Tumblr and roleplay. But – why would you give up on it if you still enjoy it ?? And you still want to write, you know ?? If it makes you happy and it helps you relax after a long day… Why give that up ?? But, in order to feel comfortable again and truly start over freshly, I think starting a new blog all together wouldn’t be a bad idea ?? Start a new blog, start following new people, make new friends, find new partners… Block this old friend’s blogs or the blogs of the people that make you feel uncomfortable, just so you’ll have some peace of mind that no, they cannot really bug you anymore and no, you cannot go and check up on their blogs either. It’ll give you space to start anew – to completely revamp, meet new people, get new plots going. Maybe that’s exactly what you need, dear, a clean slate, a fresh start. And I think, abandoning your old blog and starting over completely with a new account and all, that may be the best way to do it in order to feel safe and comfortable again. Maybe look up some new faces, create some new muses… Whatever makes you feel excited.