#tmio

He sighed and saw the last hint of smoke leave his lips before closing the window. Downstairs he heard his family move around. He could hear Isabelle’s heels click around the house, he could hear Jace as he helped set the table, and from the kitchen he could hear Robert slamming with plates and pots. He could not hear his mother, but he figured that she was working somewhere else. She wasn’t home a lot anymore, it probably reminded her too much of times that had been so much happier. As if it didn’t remind all of them.

Alec took a mint and unzipped his hoodie before walking out of his room and downstairs. Before closing the door to his room, he made sure that the cigarettes were hidden beneath a pile of books. He didn’t want any of his family members finding them while going into his room to look for him. They didn’t need more to worry about.

He wasn’t going to be gone for long, either. They probably wouldn’t even notice that he was missing. He just needed to get out for a while. To breathe air, that wasn’t pestered with sorrow and silence. He needed to be someone that no one knew, just someone out there. He didn’t want to be the kid with the broken family and dead little brother. He knew that he was, and would always be, that person. He felt like that person, and he could not remove that tragic thing that had happened, and really, he didn’t want to, either. He just wanted to see if he could be the person he used to be, to know if his sorrow was written on his face or if no one would notice if he was someone else.

Just one night, he promised himself as he walked out of the house. He didn’t need more.

.

Alec shot a nervous glance behind himself as he stepped off the subway a few blocks away from the bar he had found last night. He had never been here before, but he had walked this street enough times on google maps to know it by heart. He quickly made his way up the stairs and out into the dim evening light. The sun was a deep orange, promising to go down and let the night’s fun start as soon as possible. Alec nervously swallowed and followed the path that he had printed in his mind.

After passing what seemed like a million taxi cars, and crossing multiple roads at an unnecessary speed due to the fear of being run over by one of said taxi cars, Alec finally stood outside of the bar. The water hole, a blue neon sign said above the door. Next to the small stairs leading down to the bar was a sign telling everyone of how this was an amazing bar, and next to the list of prizes that they said they had won was a small rainbow flag. Alec felt blood rush to his head. This was a gay bar. He had known that, of course, but it had felt less  real when he had sat by his computer last night reading about it. He had never been to a gay bar before. He had not even been to a bar before, and he had not been to a place where everyone would understand that he was gay, either. Before he could change his mind he took the few steps down to the door and pressed it open.

The room was darker than he had thought, and his eyes took a few moments to adjust. After a few seconds, he could see multiple people in there, moving together with the music. There were lights in the ceiling that moved around the room, from time to time hitting a stranger’s face with the blue light. Alec took it all in before realizing that it would look weird if he just stood here. He started walking towards the dancefloor, then changed his mind and turned around, only to walk into a muscular body. He quickly apologized, but that man didn’t care for his excuses. He only made a grumpy sound and moved past him to the dance floor. That was where most people seemed to be, and it was the loudest and worst lit part of the bar. Alec decided to move in the other direction and walked towards what seemed to be the bar and a place where some men sang karaoke. That was probably better. He looked around for a while, wondering what the hell he had thought coming here. Then he decided he’d better do something and went to the bar. He nervously flipped his fake ID in his hand, but it wasn’t needed - the bartender listened to his order without seeming to even consider asking for identification.

He got the glass and paid with a folded dollar bill. The bartender threw him a look before walking over to someone else. He had ordered the thing that seemed least disgusting, but sadly, the drink still wasn’t anything he’d like to taste. It reminded him of hairspray and blueberry, both equal disgusting things in Alec’s opinions. He looked around the room. Heavy textiles covered the way to the dance floor, and Alec could only think of how impractical that must be. But it did bring the place a nice feeling, and it separated this room from the messy and loud dance floor.

He saw a man look over at him. He had to be in his thirties, at least, and had a short beard. He had a beer in front of him, and Alec couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could willingly consume something as disgusting as beer.

The man continued to look at him as he made suggestive expressions. It was obvious that he wanted something - something that Alec had no interest in giving him.

Alec politely declined the never uttered offer by looking away. The man shrugged and went back to his beer.

This night was an awful disappointment. Alec had been sitting by the bar for long enough to realize that this place definitely would not give him the feeling of freedom that he longed for. Now he really needed a smoke. He wasn’t addicted - at least he told himself that he wasn’t - but he liked the feeling of relief that he always got while holding a cigarette between his lips. He left his blueberry drink by the bar and quickly walked out of the room, almost expecting someone to stop him and tell him to finish the awful drink. Thankfully, that did not happen. He walked out into the late evening without being stopped.

Alec stopped by a tree closeby and rested his back against it. He moved his hands along his jeans, trying to find a pack of cigarettes in one of his pockets, before remembering that he had left them at home. How naïeve of him, to think that he only needed stress reliefs at home. He leaned against the tree, wondering if there was a small shop somewhere closeby that would accept his fake ID. He took the lighter out of the pocket of his hoodie and turned off the safety. He lit it and watched the flame for a second before it flicked and the fire died. He was just about to light it again when he noticed that he was watched. A man that, quite obviously, was on his way to the club, was standing a few feet away, his eyes peacefully resting on Alec. Alec put away his lighter and was just about to leave, thinking that this man wanted to drive him away, when the man spoke.

“Can you light this for me?” he asked, and Alec was surprised to hear his voice. Not only because he had not expected to be addressed, but also because he had not thought that a man like that would possess such a voice.

“S-sure thing,” Alec said, mentally punching himself for stuttering. He took out his lighter once again and brought it up, and the man walked closer, the cigarette between his lips. Alec looked at the man’s face for a moment, then lit his cigarette. The first time no flame was lit, and Alec worried that the man rolled his eyes at him, even though he could see that he wasn’t. The second time, though, a bright flame was lit, and the man’s cigarette lit up.

The man nodded a thank you, before stopping and realizing that Alec did not have a cigarette himself. “Want one?” he asked and took out a packet out of the pocket of his jacket. Alec nodded, and the man took a cigarette and put it against Alec’s lips. Alec took it between his teeth, not really sure where this was leading. The man did not ask for Alec’s lighter, and neither did he give Alec any time to light his own cigarette. Instead, he took his own cigarette out of his mouth and let the small fire spread to Alec’s cigarette. As the cigarette lit, the man blew out smoke right in Alec’s face. It would have been unnecessarily rude if it wasn’t for the fact that it was kinda hot, too.  

“You old enough to smoke?” the man asked, and Alec shrugged to answer the question, which was equal to a no.

“My ID says I am,” he said after a few seconds of the man staring at him with a raised eyebrow. Alec met his eyes for a moment before his eyelashes fluttered shut and he looked away. He wanted to see the man’s reaction, but at the same time, he did not. The question was hardly about smoking, anyways. Much worse things happened at this club, and Alec wasn’t sure if this man was one of these worse things, or if he was concerned about this young lost soul. Whatever it was, it did not affect Alec. He would be gone by the morning, back to the life he was living. He wouldn’t get arrested or worse, sleep with someone, only to take the consequences the next day. But the morning wasn’t here yet, far from, and Alec’s evening hadn’t really been what he had hoped for.

“I’m Alec,” he offered, blowing out some smoke.

“Magnus,” the man answered, and Alec smiled. Alec had thrown out a bait, and Magnus had taken it, knowing what he was doing. At least, Alec was pretty sure he was; he looked like a man who knew more about seduction tricks than the average human being.

“You going in there?” Magnus asked before Alec could come up with something new to say. Alec shook his head and took the cigarette out of his mouth.

“I’ve been in there already, not my… style,” he said, feeling his cheeks redden by the confession.

“You’re not…?” Magnus asked, but Alec interrupted him before he could finish the question.

“Of course I am,” he said, swallowing before admitting it out loud. “If I wasn’t gay I wouldn’t go this far to find this place,” he said. He could feel his heart beat faster only by saying the words.

“How far is far?” Magnus asked, taking the cigarette out of his mouth.

“Far enough to think that this night is a waste if we don’t go somewhere else,” Alec said. He didn’t know where those words came from - he couldn’t remember composing that sentence in his head before saying it. He felt like a rebellious teenager, testing the limits to see how far he could go.

“You’re now very discrete,” Magnus noted, though Alec couldn’t hear any disapproval in his voice. “There’s a cafe down the road,” Magnus proposed and Alec nodded. That sounded good enough. Though, he was afraid that this more awkward side would come out in the familiar environment a cafe provided.

They started walking, Alec with the cigarette in the corner of his lips, Magnus with his on his hand. Magnus talked, and Alec listened. He found out that Magnus was twenty-five, had an apartment and an obsession with cats, and that he worked with fashion and music, even though he confessed to being more or less tone deaf. In exchange, Alec told Magnus about parts of his life: his siblings, that he played soccer, that his family always had had a cat that disliked everyone.

They walked into the cafe, that was almost empty, which wasn’t a surprise considering that it was close to midnight. Magnus ordered coffee for them, and he almost looked hurt when Alec ordered a simple black coffee.

The night went on, and Alec found himself forgetting the problems of his own life while listening to how Magnus’s cat had puked on the carpet last week. He laughed at Magnus’s jokes, and Magnus took interest in the things that Alec said.

After refilling their cups, Magnus took Alec’s coffee in his hand and took a sip from it. He made a face as he swallowed, and Alec laughed.

“I can’t understand how you can drink this,” Magnus said.

Alec just raised his eyebrows and shrugged, since he couldn’t explain it either. His mind was focused on Magnus’s lips against Alec’s coffee. It felt weirdly intimate and Alec turned away his gaze.

.

They left the café when the lady who owned the place asked them to leave. They didn’t get far, though, until they stopped. Alec was laughing at something that Magnus said, and he needed to stop to catch his breath. He leaned against a closed shop window as he laughed, and Magnus joined him not many seconds later.

“This feels magical,” Alec whispered, not realizing that he had said it out loud before Magnus agreed with him. Alec blushed, and thanked the night for hiding his reddened cheeks.

“I know one way to make it more magical, though,” Magnus said, and Alec looked at him, his mouth half open, not understanding what he meant. Then he saw Magnus’s eyes, and he understood. He nodded, giving his approval, and a second later Magnus’s wet lips were against his own.

Magnus’s lips tasted like coffee and cream, and Alec knew that his own probably tasted much alike. Alec let out a breath against Magnus’s lips, unable to hold it in for any longer. He could feel Magnus do the same, and Alec shared his air. They were closer than Alec would have thought was possible, and yet, Alec wished that he could be even closer. He wished that he could hear what was going on in Magnus’s mind, he wished that he could take this moment and put it in his pocket. He wished that this would last forever.

Across the street some men were walking, talking loudly and making noise. Alec could feel Magnus’s body tense as he noticed them, and Alec pulled away to watch them. He looked up at Magnus, the question written on his face, but Magnus just shook his head and pressed his lips against Alec’s once again.

.

After a while, Magnus pulled back, and Alec sadly followed his lead and did not reach in for another kiss.

“What time is it?” Alec asked, realizing that he probably should be heading home sooner or later.

“Around three,” Magus said, striking a piece of hair from Alec’s forehead.

“I should leave,” Alec said, then hesitated before continuing. “But I don’t want to.”

“Want me to walk you home?” Magnus asked, his voice purring. Alec knew that he was flirting, but he also sensed a hint of worry, too.

“No thanks, I’ll take the subway,” Alec said with a grin that slowly faded as waited for Magnus’s reaction.

“I understand,” Magnus said and placed one last kiss on the corner of Alec’s lips.

“We should do this again, though,” Alec proposed, feeling more nervous than ever. There was no need to be nervous, though. Magnus’s face lit up when Alec said that, and he cheerfully accepted his offer and wrote down his number in Alec’s palm.

“At least let me call you a cab?” Magnus said, and Alec nodded after some quick thinking. He knew that getting into cabs that strange men ordered for him wasn’t a good idea, at least not when you put it like that, but Magnus wasn’t a strange man.

Magnus picked up his phone and made the call, then announced that a nearby driver was just around the corner. A few awkward minutes passed as they waited for the cab to come. Finally, it pulled up and Alec made his way towards it. Before he could open the door, Magnus put his hand on his arm, making him turn around.

“Call me?” he asked, a wide smile on his lips.