#timothydavis

I’m typing this while I’m attached to a breathing treatment in my house. I’m recovering from an asthma attack and sinus infection. I felt like I really needed to process the things I witnessed today. 

Around 2PM, I read that the police killed another black man as they were trying to serve warrants at his house. I was devastated. I was lying down after taking some antibiotics and I was planning on going back to sleep. “We who believe in freedom cannot rest” was playing in my head. Soon after that Loan text me asking who was taking care of me and urging me not to go to jail as there aren’t any nebulizer treatments there. 

Instead I bundled up and headed out to the 900 block of Sparrow Valley Way where the incident occurred. When I got there many neighbors had dispersed and the pigs took down the yellow tape that prevented people from going near the house where they killed Timothy Andre Davis. The pigs were there, talking to anyone who would listen to their lies- as usual. When I walked up, community members were asking them questions.  I exchanged words with the pigs about how the history of policing as we know it derives from slave catching. They told me that they “hope that no one gets hurt out here for the lies that I’m telling right now about what happened.” I walked away, but not after I told them that they were liars and to stop killing black people. 

As folks were returning to the sidewalks in front of the houses, a lot of youth  started to gather around where the news dudes were. Many of them  talked about how they knew Tim, how they recently spent time with him, and how he would NEVER kill himself. More cops were showing up to do damage control and to talk to some of the youth. We asked what they wanted to do next. We asked them if they thought a vigil was appropriate. They agreed and we told them we’d do it on the corner so that Tim’s mom wouldn’t feel pressured or targeted. She had been in the house by herself all day since they told her to come back home from work. 

We left to strategize about the vigil, next steps, and how we can build a media strategy around what the neighbors said took place and what the police and mainstream media reported. We made list on top of list. We laughed. We hugged. 

In this moment, I began to think about how nothing can really prepare you for this moment. There are skills, sure. There are ways to talk to people. There is protocol to follow. There are good questions to ask. There are things to pay attention to and listen out for. Something about today put me back at square one. 

For the first time in a long time, I felt very alienated from organizing. I felt hopeless and defeated. I felt weird about organizing the vigil. I haven’t felt this way since a year ago during Jonathan Ferrell’s trial when I went through a period of feeling destitute and distraught to the point where I couldn’t show up at court anymore. 

When we got back to the neighborhood, we began setting up the vigil. We placed tea lights inside of brown paper bags and made some hood lanterns. We made a sign to post up at the neighborhood entrance that read “Police Killed Tim Davis. Vigil @ 9PM.” At different times this evening pairs of 2 would stand at stop signs letting folks know what was happening at 9PM. 

We grounded the space with our bodies and breaths in a big circle formation, sage, and a moment of silence and reflection. Community members who had been outside all day live streaming talked to us about what they witnessed. Then, Tim’s friends talked to the crowd about what he was like and how we would NEVER KILL HIMSELF. Community members talked about how vigils were not enough and plans were made for next steps. We cried and laughed over hot cocoa and coffee that was donated. 

I didn’t rest and sleep today like I was supposed to. I was plotting with my friends and neighbors about justice. I was busy trying not to feel alienated from organizing by organizing some more.