“Let’s get lunch!”

Elsewhere: Let’s get lunch tomorrow. Hell, today if you’re free. In L.A.: Let’s plan on getting lunch at a vague time in the near future with the intention of rescheduling multiple times until our texts are just one long string of “sorry!”s and “next week, for sure!”s.

1. "Found us a really affordable two bedroom in Silver Lake."

2. "Forgot to move your car for street cleaning, but didn't get a ticket."

3. "You're really attractive... even for LA."

4. "Nobody is going to cut you off on the road today because I'm taking you wherever you need to go in my helicopter."

5. "Snuck out and got you tacos while you were sleeping."

6. "Hiking isn't that great, we never have to go again."

7. "No traffic for your ride home today."

8. "No traffic. Ever."

9. "Got you tickets to Ellen."

10. "Go back to sleep, I'll talk to the landlord."

11. "That ubiquitous urine smell we've somehow gotten used to? Gone."

12. "Want my extra Adele ticket?"

13. "I know someone who wants to produce that screenplay you've been working on since the womb."

14. "I have a ton of weed I need to get rid of."