#timeforsmut

annadesu

timeforsmut

bluemattercore

kiwi

earthsong9405

hnarts

blogaboutmusic

squidyword

sp4ce-4ngel

Anon hate is NOT okay. It’s not okay to bully or say harmful things to ANYONE! And lately my best friend is getting sent horrible messages... Some of them are even angry she hasn’t posted or gotten to requests. 

Please let me state, just because someone can’t post every day or get to a request, doesn’t mean send them hurtful things. We all have lives outside of Tumblr. We get busy. And I know for a fact that my best friend has been busy. 

Let’s take a look at it all shall we? 

She cooks and cleans, tries to maintain her YouTube channel, works and sleeps, and then trying to write requests. She’s even been sick lately.

WRITING IS HARD. 

Especially when you hit a writer’s block or trying to figure out how you want to approach and start the request. 

If you can’t even begin to understand any of this, then just don’t send any messages to her period. 

But to a brighter side, I hope that with a small break away from her blog it’ll help. I want her to relax and do the things that make her happy. Instead of worrying about a request, write something for herself. Because sometimes we need to write for ourselves and keep up our inspirations. 

I want her to clear her head, and try to let everything hurtful wash away. I moved to another town and it’s about an hour drive from her now so I can’t just run into her room and hug her. What I wish I could do is go there and do just that, and even take a butt load of ice cream. I want us to binge watch a show or just laugh and make jokes. But sadly I can’t. I don’t have a job which means I have no gas money.... But for now, sending her all the love in any and every form is what I can do. 

So if any of you want to flood her messages or ask box, please, PLEASE let it be good and positive things. I hate when this happens to her. :( 

Keep your head up hun, I love you and will visit or kidnap you to my house as soon as I can. @timeforsmut

Have all the Cas hugs and kisses! (And don’t kill me for doing this or putting certain info out there, if any of it was too personal or you want me to remove it I will in a heartbeat)

I took a deep breath; I stared at the shell of my mother trying to think of what to say.

"Hey mom." I whispered afraid to talk any louder.

"Hello!" She said brightly.

I wasn't sure if she knew who I was.

"How are you doing?”

"I'm fine sweetie. Are you here to turn in your paper?" She asked with a smile. I decided to play along. "Well Miss. Lopez I was hoping to come and talk to you before I did. I wasn't sure about how I would end it."

"What is your thesis?"

"I'm not entirely sure. I know my paper is going to be on the way the media is affecting young people today. How it can lead to violence and eating disorders and such." I said brightly as I was slowly dying inside. My mother had no idea who I was. She thought I was one of her students.

"Ah! Yes that is a topic I feel strongly about! The media can be such a horrid thing. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but I believe the media's prevalence of the whole 'thin is in' led to my own daughter’s eating disorder. Yes that is a very good topic." She whispered to me.

I licked my lips. God she was talking about me to me and she didn't even realize it. Why did I have to visit on one of her bad days?

"Thank you Miss. Lopez. I think I know where I will go with my paper."

She looked surprised for a second. Then her face lit up. "I'm so glad you are making progress with such little effort on my part! You are a very bright student!"

"Thank you. I'll see you at our next session?"

"Yes, yes. I'll see you then."

With that I walked away. As soon as my back was turned I let the tears fall. Had I really let my visits go so far apart that my own mother didn't know who I was? I walked out of the San Francisco mental institution with my head held high. I wouldn't let this get to me...I wouldn't.

My apartment seemed emptier than usual. There was nothing but the echo of my own voice to welcome me. In a way I was thankful for that. My whole life I feared my own genetics, I feared one of these days I would begin to hear the same voices that plagued my mother. The voices no one else could hear.

I laid down in bed burying my head into my pillow to quite my neighbor’s TV blaring through the thin walls. Finally I fell into a light sleep; waking every time my neighbor John laughed at some stupid joke from late night TV. A loud noise woke me…Then another…and another. I stared at the clock, 2 A.M.

“Ugh!” I growled throwing my blankets off and slipping on my slippers. I stalked through the apartment throwing open my front door. I banged on my neighbor’s door.

“Natalie will you keep it down?” I yelled through the door.

Breaking glass.

“Natalie?” I yelled pressing my ear to the door.

My heart was pounding as I decided whether I should try opening the door. “Natalie…I’m coming in.”

The knob flew from my hands and I was thrown against the wall as a tall man stormed out of my neighbor’s apartment. A scream caught in my throat as I saw his clothes covered in blood…and those eyes.

They were deep blue and crazed. It seemed as if he was staring into my very soul. He stopped for a second and stared at me. I was frozen against the wall. He looked me up and down and ran past. Finally after he turned down the hall I began to walk into Natalie’s apartment, “Nat?” I whispered.

“Natalie? It’s me Isabella.” I whispered sliding my hand against the wall making my way to the bedroom. The apartment was dark and I slipped on something. I fell flat on my face at the bedroom door. Something warm and sticky clung to my face, the scent of iron and salt flooding my senses.

I lifted myself up and found the bedroom light switch and screamed at the sight before me.