#timedten

(in)correct quotes.

she does not feel guilt; certainly not as often as she should, anyway. but sitting here with this version of the doctor, who hasn't a clue who she is . . . it trickles in, seeps through her skin and into that pit in her stomach, coiling there, because she is fighting the urge to pick up her diary. to start writing in an attempt to capture every detail, every second of this almost perfect moment so that her memory cannot fail her. it is not because she feels loved, she has been avoiding the phrase, tiptoeing over pet names and affection as to not push him. no sweetie, no my love, simply doctor.

she must keep her cards clutched close to her chest, or risk exposing some part of herself @timedten is not ready for. she really mustn't indulge herself more than she already has with this little fantasy, this game of pretend.

she looks away now, not quickly, not so suddenly as to allow the reaction to reveal anything. river does her best to give the impression she is looking for an answer, the right words, spoiler free, because a yes or no is not enough. her hand reaches out, touching the diary in question, they'll be the death of me.

oh, you have no idea.

she knows how easy she could change him, shape him into someone else, how one slip could rewrite their history if she isn't careful, and that terrifies her. he's the doctor. she plans to say, taunting like he's being thick, a bit softer than she means for, fond. because she has to be, because no matter the stupid face he wears they make her hearts ache. but the words die on her lips when her eyes land on him.

spoilers. she thinks, green gaze dancing over his features because she sees herself reflected there, that fear of the end, something she knows far too well. she is as much as a reminder for him that his time is coming as the last few pages in her diary are for her. the end of the story.

“ the best i've ever known. ” she admits, and she knows she said it before, to a different face, admittance to a crime that for him, she has yet to commit. she smiles, it is fragile, and sad, and she’s forgotten herself for a moment. river picks up her glass, taking a drink with a laugh.

ears ring with a sharpness that's almost debilitating , it wasn't just the sudden jump in time that had her dazed but the fact that @timedten had given her a title - a title she'd heard a thousand times before - but it wasn't him , not her doctor. ❛ you're th - the doctor? ❜ words are mumbled as she tries to find her footing , eyes narrowed. ❛ no . . . no . . . this isn't right. ❜ hues blink a few times as mind battles to clear her groggy thoughts , shaking her head ever so slightly.

stumbling back onto her hands , in a sitting position now as she looks up at the doctor , no , no ! not HER doctor !

features are suddenly lit with rage , ❛ yo- you're not him . . . y- you can't be ! ❜ though there was a mixture of confusion & rage building within her chest , the words come out in an exhausted whisper.

she was aware that the doctor had been alive longer than she could comprehend & he'd explained this to her before - regeneration - but her brain didn't want to believe it , he didn't recognize her. she wanted her raggedy man back. this wasn't him. although , she knew being stubborn wasn't the right response here , so playing along would have to do. that was her only option right now.

𝐄𝐗𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐏𝐓 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘, caught in the rolling tides and pulled out into the blue. had he even stopped to breathe since their chance meeting at sea? today felt like the first : no danger, no lives on the line. just the two of them ... and the giant stuffed shark edward had won in a carnival shooting game. he'd stayed at the booth long enough to secure THREE more prizes for delighted, bouncing children tugging at his leathers ( the first good thing they'd ever accomplished with a gun in hand ). they had ridden a rotating, metal wheel toward the sky, tasted colourful cotton, and there were moving pictures playing out before them.

they were splayed out in somewhere called a PARK, edward's jacket between them and the damp, trimmed grass below. hair pulled up, beard shaved, a once hard face now open with childlike wonder : he felt a new man. " hm? " eyes torn from the couple on screen to level 'pon the doctor. he was suddenly aware of their knees pressed close, the gentle brush of their fingertips, the knock of their shoulders as his torso angled in. " that so ? " brows shot up, pupils blown wide with that same wonder. a beat of silence ere the slow spread of a ROGUEISH grin graced their face. " aw, not gettin' impatient are you, doc? "

this was a feeling you had felt many times, at least . . with your own doctor. you had kissed tentoo many times, under many different circumstances. but this? you hadn’t expected this at all. your ten. your doctor. his lips upon your own, unexpectedly, abruptly . . the action drew the air from your lungs. like you were a fish out of water and he was the one thing keeping you from dying.

there was a soft gasp against ten’s own lips, yet you wasted no time in wrapping your arms around his neck. trying to pull him closer and closer, till your bodies melded into one. in truth, technically you two had kissed once many years ago . . but your consciousness was not your own. it didn’t count.

reluctantly you had to pull away, the need of air in your lungs evident as your face flushed. hazel eyes looked up at the doctor as rose smiled gently, searching his own eyes for an answer. some kind of sign as to what warranted the kiss.

✩ . — @timedten sent : you think i can't handle this myself?

stormtroopers stalk their way through koboh’s valleys. the once relatively relaxed planet, as peaceful as a planet can be under the ever-watchful eye of the empire, has become a hub of unwanted activity & unrest. cal can’t help but blame himself for all that has transpired to cause unease around the planet. the high republic structures are now bases to the empire as they work to remove the hidden history, but the jedi knight works against their efforts. as a result, talanorr is a far-off dream.

these days, cal stations himself on koboh. his goal is to aid the residents of the planet when the empire comes for a fight, but also to help them learn how to fight against the empire when he isn’t around. he doesn’t expect outside assistance & struggles to accept it as his fears build walls to keep him guarded from allowing strangers to get too close. he pushes them away, & he’s doing it now, another stranger with good intentions, but for how long?

cal looks up from his holomap as the question is asked. he swallows & considers his response with a lick of his lips as he looks to his side.

“ i wouldn’t say that … ” the jedi knight begins. beedee beeps to fill the gap between his words & his thoughts. “ but, going alone isn’t a smart choice. especially when it comes to fighting against the empire. ” as hypocritical as it is to say that, cal feels it would be better for there to be more going along with him.

“ you need someone to go with you & act as a support for you. ” & then another beep comes from BD.

❛⠀⠀doctor,⠀ ❜⠀his name is a little more than a groan, as if she’s hoping this little smidge of attention will be enough to satisfy him. when he doesn’t budge. when he actually takes another step toward her, she lifts her gaze from the page, large brown eyes pleading as they peer up at him from above the pages of her book.⠀ ❛⠀⠀it hasn’t been five minutes! please!! wait one more minute, i’m almost done with the chapter. pretty please?⠀ ❜

in truth, she's been making him wait for almost half an hour. one chapter turned into two, which turned into three, and now she's almost done with her book, and she needs to know how it ends. paris is a big city, it can deal with the disappointment of waiting five more minutes for her arrival. or, until she knows if joanna is going to save her family by marrying a man she doesn't love, or follow her heart and run away with the stable hand who nursed her back to health at the risk of his own life.

it'd be cruel to make her go without knowing.

the city of lights, the city of love, can't expect her to enjoy herself with this question hanging over her head.

❛⠀⠀go play with my toaster, or something.⠀ ❜

❛⠀ right, ⠀ ❜ ⠀ ⠀laughter runs through her tone as she waves for him to sit on the chair instead of hovering above her. disbelief doesn’t cloud her voice as it did earlier today when they met, her and ortegas trading twin grins of amusement at his unusual get-up, half-professor, half madman, and altogether strangely pleasing to the eye. ⠀ ⠀❛⠀ what sorta doctor? i forgot to ask, or just forgot. something about biology, yeah? ⠀ ❜ ⠀

to be honest, she'd been itching for someone to stop by. for half-an-hour now, her mind had been more consumed with trying to manifest joseph in front of her than the impossible problem she was supposed to be solving.

❛⠀ it's your unlucky day. 'cause i never say no to another pair of eyes. ⠀ ❜ ⠀

@timedten / continued from here