#tilu

11. 10. 2024

Yes, i do have feelings for you. But I know my boundaries. So please... Just let me admire you from afar, hug you through my words, flirt with you just so that you wouldn't think that I am avoiding you, or eyeing you wierdly. Just reigniting a part of me that I never thought is capable enough to exist.

So please, let shower you with love, from afar... Till these feelings go away.

Those eyes, that light reflecting through it, so raw when you are listening, your voice that holds patience, your shifty behavior, sincerity to your academics, how your name sounds... Everything, indeed a butterfly... Butterfly never really held that much meaning for me. Until I used it one day to describe you...

30.10.2024,

Walking alone in the dark...

Broken into million pieces threatening to fall apart...

I found someone who loved me and my broken ruins,

I clutched to him closer, not knowing I am turning him into ruins...

Now, I see him covered in blood, with pieces of me stuck in him like broken glass, him in tears, endless series of pain and despair...

Hopes buried 6ft under, Is it too far to continue? The more I move, the deeper it digs...

16.05.2024,

"What is your deepest darkest fear?" He asked as he sunk back into the mattress with sleep taking over him, as the question lay unanswered as he drifted into a deep slumber...

Leaving me wondering what could be the possible answer to this crucial question,

'what am I afraid of?' Fear of heights? Fear of losing a loved one? or could it lie in the deepest corner of my heart? I wanted to get noticed by my own parents growing up, Oldest kid in the family, so everyone raised me except my own parents did? Somehow I could grab everyone's attention, but why were they both unfazed?

So from then till now, all I have ever sought for is attention... Scared to disappoint them, I guess? Scared of being considered a nuisance and a waste of space. All those exterior fears don't matter in front of what actually lies deep down what makes me, me... But would I share this with him?

Quick scribble of what must be my oldest species I’ve ever designed, the Tilu. I designed them as a kid, originally as one of my many fake Pokemon, but started using them as a species to RP as with friends (as in, I played one during recess). I might develop them into an actual species, have them live in the same world as the Verill.

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