#timothy mcgee

I MISS TIMOTHY

Listen. I know Timothy McGee is supposed to be the "Big Brain" tech genius of the NCIS team. He has degrees from MIT and Johns Hopkins. He can track an encrypted IP address through seven proxy servers while eating a donut.

But today, we need to talk about his alter ego, Thom E. Gemcity, because his novel Deep Shadow proves that McGee actually possesses zero social awareness, Small Ego energy, and the naming skills of a literal turnip.

Like, okay, writing a fictionalized version of your real life co-workers is fine. We all do it! Writers draw inspiration from their lives. But his attempt at hiding their identities? INCREDIBLY FOOLISH PERSONIFIED.

Let's look at these names, because I am losing my mind:

Tommy (Tony DiNozzo): Wow. Tommy. How original. You just swapped two letters, Timmy. Truly groundbreaking literature. 🙄

Lisa (Ziva David): THE ABSOLUTE DISRESPECT! Americanizing Ziva's beautiful, iconic name into "Lisa" is a crime against humanity. 😮💢😤

L.J. Tibbs (Leroy Jethro Gibbs): McGeek was literally walking around the bullpen with a paper taped to his back that said "PLEASE SLAP ME, BOSS." Writing a fictional version of your terrifying, sniper-trained boss and naming him Tibbs is a death wish. 🎭🥺

Amy Sutton (Abby Sciuto): [Laaaazyyy in a musical sing-song voice] 📢🎶

Pimmy Jalmer (Jimmy Palmer): This is by far one of the worst, most stupid-ass names in the history of printed text. 😑

To quote the literal icon and baddie Catra from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (Season 3, "Once Upon a Time in the Waste"):

"Pfffff! Hahhahahahaha! It sounds even stupider the second time!"

A freshman in high school writing a self-insert fanfic on Wattpad at 2 AM can come up with better fictional names than McGee.

But the names aren't even the worst part. Let's talk about the characterization.

Because what McGee did to Jimmy Palmer’s fictional counterpart, Pimmy Jalmer, is genuinely demonic. In the book, PIMMY HAS SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A CORPSE.

HOLY FOURTH OF JULY WEENIE ROAST! EWW! 🤮

That is not just a weird plot twist, McGoogle! That is a freaking HR VIOLATION CODE, a massive defamation lawsuit, and a one-way ticket to psychological counseling! Imagine going to work every day knowing your tech-guy coworker published a best-selling novel where your character does that in the morgue?!

Propaganda Under Cut: