The batkids decide to hop on the trend.
Dick, walking as Steph records: We’re vigilantes. Of course we have to be over dramatic.
(Cut to Nightwing back flipping off of Wayne tower)
Tim: were vigilantes. Of course we have issues with caffeine.
(Cut to a video of Tim as Red Robin snoring while hanging from a grappling line. Batman can be seen in the background facepalming.)
———
Damian: No.
Tim: oh come on, Robin, we’re all doing it.
Damian: I refuse to partake in such idiotic videos.
Tim: (while Damian is still behind him) We’re vigilantes. Of course we get to punch people without getting in trouble.
Damian: actually—-
Tim: Robin, you’re supposed to play along—
Damian: I am not going to spread false information—
Steph, interrupting: well, I’m not one of Batman’s sons so he legally can’t yell at me.
Tim: wanna bet?
(Cut to Batman scolding all three of them about the improper use of force)
—-
Duke: we’re vigilantes. Of course we go to Batburger.
(Cut to Duke happily eating a Batburger meal, and playing with a Signal toy)
Duke: what? I’m allowed to have hobbies.
——
Steph: we’re vigilantes. Of course we can scare anyone we want to. Right, Black Bat?
Cass: (nod)
(The next series of videos is a compilation. The first is Superman being scared, followed by Green Lantern, Flash, Cyborg, Starfire, Dick, Tim, and a failed attempt to startle Wonder Woman. Cass isn’t even upset about not being able to scare the woman, she accepts the defeat with grace.)
——-
Dick, Tim, and Steph: we’re vigilantes.
Dick: I’ve gotten stranded on the moon. Don’t ask.
Tim: I got lost in hell.
Steph: I accidentally followed Green Lantern into space.
Tim: what? When?
Steph: turns out if you hug a Green Lantern really tightly, their life support on their ring will support you too
Dick: yknow, Batman shouldn’t find out about this-
(Cut to Batman’s lecture about the proper use of protective gear when going to space)
——
Dick: we’re vigilantes. Of course we’re best friends with all of the villains.
(Cut to Red Hood kicking down a door)
Jason: hey (bleep), you’re late to dinner
Dick: (currently tied to a chair and gagged)
Jason: hang on, I’ll help. (Shoots everyone and unties dick) Harley said she’s going to rampage if you’re not there in five minutes.
Dick: Blame these guys, not me! (Jumps through the nearest window, shattering it, and the sound of a grapple is heard)
——
Jason: I’m a crime lord
Dick: and I’m a vigilante
Jason: and you’re ruining my video, (bleep) off. (Shoves Dick out of the frame, ignoring Dick’s muttered cursing) now that we got the riffraff out, let me start over. (Brushes imaginary dirt from hands) I’m a crime lord. Of course Batman fights me every other day. I look forward to the day I can break his kneecaps.
Dick: (shocked) Hood!
Jason: what?
Dick: he’s your dad too!
Jason: yuck, don’t remind me.
——-
Duke: we’re vigilantes. Of course we know all of the gossip. (Very obviously looking around) like for example, Superman has the biggest crush on Bruce Wayne—
Clark, who was obviously eavesdropping: Nonononononono—- (trying to turn the camera off as he darts into the frame. There’s a flash of red, blue and yellow as Duke and Clark fight over the camera)
——
Tim: we’re vigilantes. Of course we visit other cities.
Wally, as Kid Flash: What the (bleep) are you doing in Central City?
Tim: I’m honestly not sure, it’s so bright that I think I’m blind.
