#ticaraseil

THE GODS ARE GONE PART 9 - THRILLING INTENT EP 75

[GM]: [The group has returned to the Lily Clan! Kier sits watching you, an imp in his lap. He looks completely at peace. In fact, he’s got a big dumb smile on his face.]

[Ashe]: Hey, Kier. How are you feelin’?

[Kier]: Oh, you know, pretty good. Gunter’s a real bro.

[Ashe]: Ah, well. Good to know.

[Markus]: Yeah. Hey, he knows what he’s talking about. Or, what he would be talking about if he could form words.

*imp noises*

[Markus]: Haha, that’s right, Gunter.

[Kier]: Yeah, it’s cool. We’re cool. It’s cool.

[Ashe]: Good! Well, good. I’m glad.

[Markus]: So, Zeke! This is the other member of our party who was interested in becoming champion of the Lily Clan: Aesling.

[Zeke]: Simply fantastic. I’m glad to greet you both as champions.

[GM]: [Kier lets out a tiny sob.]

[Ashe]: Kier, I’m sorry.

[Gregor]: [I’m gonna go over here and…]

[Markus]: [Gunter pats him on the arm.]

[Ashe]: But, wait. First, before I accept or anything, I don’t know. I kinda just wanna know a little bit about the Lily Clan. I just wanna know about, I guess, what I’ll be doing. What my duties will entail.

[GM]: [Zeke turns around dramatically. The cherry blossoms catch in the wind. Kier sneezes loudly.]

[Zeke]: Where to begin with the legacy of my clan?

[Ashe]: Ah. The legacy?

[GM]: [He turns around again.]

[Zeke]: I must meditate for a moment.

[GM]: [He closes his eyes.]

[Ashe]: Okay.

[Markus]: [I step back.] Yeah, he does this.

[GM]: [Kier coughs loudly.]

[Zeke]: Excellent. I found a perfect beginning point. A beginning point of my own tale.

[Ashe]: Okay.

[Zeke]: This will explain the soul of the Lily Clan to you, while perhaps identifying you more with me.

[Markus]: You might wanna sit down, Ashe.

[Kier]: Definitely gonna wanna sit down.

[Markus]: [Markus pops a squat.]

[Gregor]: [Gregor sits down and continues patting Kier’s head.]

[Ashe]: [I lean down and sit cross-legged.] Alright, so.

[GM]: [Zeke’s eyes bulge for a split-second! He produces a gigantic scroll, slams it on the grass before him, spreads it out, produces a brush, and begins to work!

[Ashe]: Um.

[Kier]: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m getting hit with the spray!

[Ashe]: I mean, how long is this gonna take? I kind of-

[GM]: [You notice that his speed painting is covering ground incredibly quickly! Ink sticks to the scroll.]

[Zeke]: I will begin my tale with a visual aid.

[Ashe]: [I wipe some of the splatter from my face.]

[Markus]: [Markus burns the ink from his brow.]

[Gregor]: Impressionistic!

[GM]: [You cast your eyes on the scroll.]

[Zeke]: And this is where my story begins. Transport yourselves fifteen years into the past, when I was but a youth, lost amidst the Ohnorian wilds.

[GM]: [You observe the scroll and Zeke’s beautiful brushwork. He begins to narrate over the picture.]

[Zeke]: A lone merchant travels down a rustic path. The roads are said to change overnight in the wilds, and he keeps his spiritblast wardstone close. But a lone bandit is waiting for him in the brush. He emerges, his hideous visage terrifying the merchant.

[Markus]: Wait up. How is that drawing moving around?

[Ashe]: Yeah, that, you saw that too?

[Markus]: This doesn’t make sense.

[Zeke]: It makes perfect sense. I’m quickly drawing and then undrawing the pictures. I call this technique “manimation.”

[Markus]: Sometimes I forget the place we’re in.

[Ashe]: That’s actually incredibly impressive.

[Zeke]: As I was saying: As luck would have it, a lone samurai was traveling down that path. He sees the piecemeal leather armor, the brutal weapon and the garish face paint, and lays a hand upon his blade. Yes, it was such a time that bandits were so common that they could be recognized with a glance. It was a dark time for Ohnorant, and an even darker time for me. I quickly slaughtered the samurai in a single blow, turned on the merchant and screamed, “I’M THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWELRIPPER, GIMME YOUR MONEY YOU PIECE OF SHIT IF YOU DON’T WANNA GET FUUUUCKED!”

[Ashe]: Whaaat? Wait! You were, you were the bandit?

[Markus]: Obviously.

[Zeke]: It was a very dark time.

[Ashe]: Okaaay.

[GM]: [The group exchanges very worried glances.]

[Zeke]: I used to have incredible anger issues and didn’t have a proper outlet for my aggression.

[Ashe]: Uh.

[Zeke]: I’ve taken up meditation to suppress my inner urges as the Bowelripper.

[Markus]: This is a, this is a really realistic fairytale.

[Zeke]: My therapist says I’m making excellent progress.

[Ashe]: S’good. Yeah, I never would have guessed.

[Gregor]: Definitely true.

[Markus]: Keep up the story! This is interesting.

[Ashe]: Yeah, I’m kinda, at first I was sort of in a rush, but I mean I’m, I’m curious now.

[Zeke]: After I finished hocking off the merchant’s goods to a local pawnshop, I wisely decided to try my hand at a game of chance in the local casino.

[Ashe]: Wisely?

[Zeke]: Fifteen minutes later, six of the casino staff and every last one of their bouncers lay ripped in a pile of viscera.

[Ashe]: Ugh. Oh, no. Oh.

[Markus]: That’s a lotta, that’s a lotta cash.

[Ashe]: That’s a lot of viscera.

[Markus]: Oh, yes. I mean, I was just looking at the viscera as cash to be.

[Zeke]: “YOU BETTA, YA’LL BETTER WATCH THE FUCK OUT OR YOU'LL CATCH A MOTHERFUCKIN’ TASTE OF MY WHIPASS!” It was a mace that I’d tied to a whip. I cut the M off of mace and pronounced it differently. I thought I was very clever.

[Ashe]: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, what?

[Zeke]: It’s a simple concept. Whipass.

[Markus]: A whipass.

[Zeke]: It’s a mace tied to a whip.

[Markus]: It’s in the dictionary.

[Ashe]: I, I didn’t catch that. It’s a mace tied to a what?

[Zeke]: It’s a mace tied to a whip. It’s the motherfuckin’, IT’S THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWELRIP- the motherfuckin’ Bowelripper’s weapon of choice. *clears throat* Excuse me.

[Ashe]: Ah, of course. Of course.

[Zeke]: But there was one man unintimidated by my whipass. A shaggy haired, lanky fellow with an ornate sword. [Zeke idly runs his fingers across the sword in his lap.] I screamed at the man, “WHY AREN’T YOU AFRAID OF THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWELRIPPER, YOU PEACHY-FACED KUMQUAT?” He responded with-

[Markus]: *laughs*

[Ashe]: What was that insult?

[Markus]: Peachy-faced kumquat.

[Ashe]: Okay.

[Markus]: Ashe.

[Zeke]: He responded with an even phrase with perfect meter, a haiku I remember to this day: “Inside of you, sir, there rests a flower unbloomed. Now, put your whip away.”

[Markus]: It’s beautiful.

[Zeke]: Those words… it was as if the lily in my heart had finally opened. [Zeke stops for a moment.] Lilies open, right? They’re a flower that opens?

[Ashe]: I’m not sure, but I understand the imagery.

[Gregor]: Yeah.

[Kier]: Eh, it sounds real. It sounds like a real thing.

[Ashe]: Yeah. Keep, keep going.

[Zeke]: The swordsman saw something in me. That I had talents he had undiscovered. He paid my astronomical bail, stating that he would train me, hone my whipass into a whip of class.

*General snickering*

[Ashe]: [I cover my face in my hands and hide my laughing.]

[Markus]: [Markus just nods.]

[Gregor]: [Gregor is entranced.]

[Kier]: [Kier nods as well.] Very real. Very realistic.

[Ashe]: [I regain my composure and keep listening to the story.]

[Zeke]: And under his training I met his pupil, a dour young boy who now goes by the name of Horaven.

[Ashe]: You knew Horaven?

[Markus]: Whoa!

[Zeke]: “NOW WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK AM I, THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWELRIPPER, GONNA DO WITH THIS PLANK O’ SPANK? BOWELRIPPER DOES NOT DEAL WITH NARCS!”

[Markus]: Plank o’ spank?

[Ashe]: I’m not sure, Markus.

[Horaven]: “I agree, Mister, uh, Bowlripper. Master, you don’t seriously intend to train this bandit?”

[Zeke]: “MOTHERFUCK, WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?”

[Horaven]: “Bowlripper. One, uh, one who rips bowls.”

[Zeke]: “BOWELRIPPER WILL REARRANGE YOUR FACE AND YOUR ASS!” Our master didn’t want us fighting. Horaven, at the time, was without a clan or title. He was an abject failure, the weakest of the weak. Here in Ohnorant, those without earned names are openly shamed. An unnamed one beyond the age of fifteen is nearly unheard of, and the shame of it defined the boy at the time. But Master said that he would not discriminate by clan, title, past or affiliation. Those were human constructs. What mattered was the beauty within.

[GM]: [Zeke looks up for a moment, eyes bulging.]

[Zeke]: “YOU HEAR THAT, MOTHER ASS FUCK? BOWELRIPPER’S BEAUTIFUL AS SHIT!” [His eyes dart back and forth.] *Clears throat* Excuse me.

[Ashe]: Uh.

[Zeke]: When the time came to decide our training, Master first tested Horaven.

[Kier]: And, uh, let me guess, this is the part where Horaven did super well, ‘cuz he’s really strong and almost killed us, like, I think twice already? I think he almost killed us twice.

[Ashe]: Yeah.

[Markus]: Yeah, and you probably bombed it because you were immature and impatient at that point.

[Ashe]: Yeah, just generally a very angry person.

[Zeke]: No, in fact. Horaven failed to inherit my master’s style. He said, my master said his heart was, quote, “Too big and too dumb.”

[Kier]: Yeah, I kinda, I kinda get that.

[Ashe]: Yeah. I can see.

[Markus]: That’s fair.

[Kier]: I kinda, I kinda feel that right in here in the big, dumb heart.

[Markus]: Real big, real dumb.

[Ashe]: Yeah.

[Gregor]: Big man, big heart.

[Zeke]: He said that Horaven would have to train himself. His approach was simply too unorthodox.

[Kier]: Mmhm! Train himself, you say?

[Ashe]: Uh.

[Kier]: I’m getting some ideas over here.

[Ashe]: [I glance over at Kier with a worried look.]

[Kier]: Gettin’ some Kier ideas over here. Gonna be totally stronger than Horaven some day. Gonna punch him in his stupid giant eyebrows.

[Markus]: Why in the eyebrows? What do you have against his eyebrows? He has nice eyebrows.

[Kier]: They’re really big. They’re a huge target.

[Markus]: No, no, they’re very expressive, like, I don’t know why you wanna punch them.

[Ashe]: Well, you say expressive, Markus, but really he’s just kinda frowning all the time.

[Gregor]: It’s only one expression.

[Kier]: They’re real big, though. I don’t think I could-

[Markus]: If he wanted to express, there is nothing standing in his way.

[Gregor]: He’s expressing a very intense frown.

[Ashe]: Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. A very big frown.

[Zeke]: And, conversely, as luck would have it, my master said it was determined by my beautiful hair, excellent taste in eastern punk makeup, my master’s style of katana swordsmanship was deemed to be a perfect match for the Bowelripper.

[Gregor]: What’s “katana” mean?

[Zeke]: It means Ohnorian sword, thank you very much.

[Gregor]: Oh.

[Markus]: Wow.

[Zeke]: I trained for years with my master as Horaven wandered. Every odd month he’d return and we’d spar. I’m unsure of what he discovered out there in the wilds, but with each trip he returned more vicious and cunning.

[Ashe]: I think I might have an idea.

[Zeke]: My master couldn’t have been more pleased.

[Kier]: Aha! Wandering around in the wilderness unpredicted, you say? [Kier nods.]

[Ashe]: Kier, no. No. You can do that once we get back home. Just don’t... This place is dangerous.

[Gregor]: Can he? That’s our turf. Ashe, we live there!

[Ashe]: I know, but it’s not safe for him to go out into the woods here.

[Zeke]: Eventually, stories of his failures turned into neutral reports. Registrations of fact. Finally, accounts of the unnamed one were spun as great, if confusing, success stories. It’s very hard to write an article about a person that doesn’t have a name. Keep having to refer to him by defining features. He was known as Eyebrows for a while, I’ll have you know.

[Ashe]: I could see that, yeah.

[Gregor]: Is it ‘cuz of his eyebrows?

[Markus]: Yeah. Mostly because of the eyebrows.

[Gregor]: Thought so.

[Zeke]: It was around then that I began to lose. Quite badly, in fact.

[Ashe]: Really?

[Zeke]: I lay on my back, newly forged blade in pieces around me. The unnamed one idly asked, voice innocent for a change, “Bowlrip - Bowelripper, how did you get your name?”

[Zeke]: “MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWELRIPPER SELF-ACTUALIZED AS SHIT NAMED HIMSELF YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOUR CANDY ASS BETTER BE READY FOR ROUND TWO YOU MOTHERFUCK-”

[Ashe]: How did you communicate anything to your master with that?

[Markus]: Oh, I’m sure his master had a similarly foul mouth.

[Gregor]: He’s communicating very well.

[Zeke]: Quite the opposite, in fact. I, uh, I have trouble communicating emphasis in this voice, because I am attempting to keep my tone even, to not let the Bowelripper slip out.

[Ashe]: You’re doing a wonderful job, Zeke.

[Markus]: Yeah, rippin’ bowels is pretty, ah, pretty great, though, isn’t it?

[Ashe]: Markus! C’mon!

[Gregor]: Markus!

[Ashe]: [I punch Markus in the arm.]

[Markus]: Ow! Okay, fine.

[Gregor]: If anything, you’re gonna give Kier ideas.

[Kier]: Mmhm! Ripping bowels, you say?

[Markus]: [I reach over and scratch that line out in Kier’s journal.]

[Zeke]: At the time, Horaven looked at me and said, “Naming yourself must be nice, actually.” At that point, the motherfuckin’ Bowelrip- I finally felt the change within myself. A no-good bandit was being acknowledged by a no-good no-name. A question welled within me: Why? Why did Master pick us? Why did he call unnamed Eyebrows his student, despite teaching him next to nothing? Why did he take a frankly mediocre katanaman like me? His answer to me was simple: “I want to cement my legacy of protecting beauty. You, my student, are beautiful, despite your failings and square jaw.” [Zeke rubs his jaw. You notice it’s not particularly square anymore.]

[Markus]: Hm.

[Kier]: Huh. Hm.

[Ashe]: So, did you, is that, did you get punched, or what? I don’t know what could cause that.

[Gregor]: He overcame his difficulties.

[Ashe]: Is a square jaw a difficulty, though?

[Markus]: Yes.

[Gregor]: He was a different person.

[Ashe]: Okay.

[Markus]: It makes people pre-judge you, Ashe.

[Ashe]: Does it? As, like, what? Strong? [Markus]: Absolutely. Yeah. Strong, like, strong-willed. Rash.

[Kier]: Like maybe being the Bowelripper. I don’t know! Maybe he didn’t wanna get judged as being the motherfuckin’ Bowelripper for once, Ashe, you ever think about that, you ever think about the motherfuckin’ Bowelripper, Ashe?

[Ashe]: Yes! I have a feeling maybe it was the foul attitude, facepaint, and the… the whipass… that caused people to judge him as the Bowelripper.

[Zeke]: Facepaint? What are you talking about?

[Ashe]: The, you said you had…

[Markus]: What facepaint are you talking about, Ashe?

[Zeke]: What facepaint are you talking about?

[Ashe]: He said he has… It’s there in the picture! He’s got facepaint on!

[Zeke]: I wear makeup now to cover up my birthmarks, thank you very much.

[Ashe]: Those are birthmarks?

[Markus]: And I’ve gotta say, your makeup is flawless.

[Ashe]: I mean, I’m, I’m sorry. I just kind of assumed that, like...

[Markus]: Yeah, you’re looking good.

[Ashe]: I mean, I don’t know.

[Markus]: Just stop talking, Ashe. Just stop. [I put a hand on her shoulder.] Just stop.

[Kier]: Ashe, don’t be, rule one! Rule one!

[Ashe]: Shut up, Kier. You’ve been breaking that rule non-stop recently.

[Gregor]: [Gregor is just staring at the ground, kind of rubbing his chin.]

[Zeke]: A revelation, however, followed that wistful admission: that he once cared for students before myself and Horaven, but failed when they needed him most.

[Ashe]: Oh!

[Zeke]: Finally, he admitted an encouraging fact: that thanks to my help, despite my many failings, he was on the verge of regaining what he lost; a sword technique capable of protecting all those within the reach of his blade. It was a rather enlightening moment, PUNCTUATED BY THE SOUNDS OF MOTHERFUCKIN’ FIRE-BASED VIOLENCE!

[Ashe]: Ugh!

[Markus]: There it is.

[Zeke]: *clears throat* Excuse me. NOW LISTEN UP YOU MOTHERFUCKIN’ NICE… nice people. This is the most important part. *clears throat*

[Ashe]: Okay, I’m listening.

[Zeke]: In a local village where Master and I acquired our necessities, rose an inferno. Blood drenched the summer grass. At the center of it all stood a man in white. Sensing our presence, he turned, uttering a single phrase: “Ah! It appears as if our rogue deity has arrived.” My hand instinctively went to my blade, but it fell too late. With a crack I hit the ground. A man in a black suit, hidden amidst the flames with a damnable firearm, took me down in an instant.

[Markus]: [My eyes widen.]

[Zeke]: There stood at his side a young Dao the Digger, even then leader of the Gold Clan. The former clan leader of the Lily and Valor were also there amidst the flame, but my vision was stuck on the man in white. What followed could only be described as a slaughter. Master was strong, stronger than anyone I’d ever encountered, but no one, nothing, could match the power of that man in the white coat. A single blow with bare fists shatters his arm. A kick breaks his ribs, crushing organs.

[Ashe]: Ugh.

[Zeke]: Master’s form begins to waver, growing inconsistent. My bowels loosen with horror. His shape becomes more monstrous. However, his attacker pushes him back with no issue, not even flinching. Monstrous claws are separated with a single strike. An elongated snout is smashed with a brush of his hand. Bullet wound aside, not even the motherfuckin’ Bowelripper was bullshit crazy enough to step in and stop that guy. All his power, his sword skill, his monstrous nature, came to nothing.

[Ashe]: Your master was a spirit?

[Zeke]: *sighs* I was told later that I would have died of blood loss had the suited man not aided me. He apologized after carrying me to my camp. My eyes couldn’t quite focus. They locked instead on his well-kept hair. He said that he’d seen many samurai-master-death-revenge stories play out since arriving in Ohnorant.

*general laughter*

[Markus]: Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh. That is rude.

[Ashe]: [I punch Markus in the arm again.]

[Zeke]: And he knew how rough they were on the, quote, “revengelet.” With a curt nod, he slipped a business card into my pocket, stating that he was from the World Government, and that he and his partner were more than willing to discuss showdown options once I got a little better from my bullet wound.

[Ashe]: That’s fucked up!

[Markus]: Yeah.

[Zeke]: He told me that my master was a former deity of Xinkala and the ex-head of the Lily Clan. In the Great Iconoclasm, when the Ohnorians overthrew their gods, he slayed many of his own Lily Clan warriors to escape the city.

[Ashe]: What?

[Markus]: Wow. That is somethin’.

[Gregor]: Huh? Why?

[Zeke]: I never did quite find out, but the government and the new human clan-heads had been chasing him ever since. Skeptical, he asked if my master had ever told me. I shook my head no. The agent responded with a very definitive, “That’s kinda harsh.” I asked specifically why the villagers had to die. “Oh, we got bad intel that, uh, that he was hiding amidst the villagers. You’d actually be surprised. My partner recited that whole, ‘Ah, it seems that the wayward god has come home’ line quite a few times, to pretty much to every group of people he slaughtered. It was pretty awkward, if we’re talking about it just between you and me.”

[Markus]: That would get awkward.

[Ashe]: They just-

[Markus]: They just say that to everyone?

[Zeke]: I assume they said that to every single group of villagers that wandered in, trying to act cool.

[Markus]: Yeah, that’s kinda fair. I can understand that.

[Ashe]: That’s fucked up, Markus! What do you mean “fair”?

[Markus]: Sometimes you just have to repeat something enough until it lands and you’re cool.

[Ashe]: They slaughtered, they slaughtered an entire village of people just so they could look cool.

[Markus]: Oh, yeah. That obviously isn’t cool.

[Kier]: That’s, that’s the not cool bit. That’s not very cool.

[Markus]: That’s the not great part. I’m just saying that sometimes some repetition is necessary.

[Gregor]: He’s got determination?

[Markus]: Yeah!

[Ashe]: What the fuck, Markus.

[Markus]: I’m not agreeing with the murder. Let’s move on. Forget I said anything.

[Zeke]: I then asked the man, the only question was the one previously on my mind: Why? Why did this exactly have to happen? Awkwardly, the man scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, you know. Dangerous spirits can’t be allowed to exist. This guy was a big problem for us for a while. Doesn’t matter if he disappeared off the map, he’s pretty much a danger. Hate to break it to you, but your master was kind of a jerk.”

[Ashe]: I don’t understand. Everything you’ve said in your story…

[Zeke]: He then asked what my goal was, if I was interested in some sort of revenge showdown with his partner. I said-

[Ashe]: Of course, right?

[Zeke]: No.

[Ashe]: WHAT?

[Zeke]: No. At the time, I was more confused than anything. I needed a few moments to think. He asked me what my name was. I responded, honestly, that I didn’t have one. “Oh, god. More no-name people? Xinkala’s fuckin’ weird. Paperwork’s gonna be a bitch. Try to pick a name and stick with it, okay? Makes our job a whole lot easier.”

[Ashe]: What happened to Bowelripper, though?

[Markus]: It’s a title, not a name, Ashe.

[Ashe]: But in Ohnorant titles are names.

[Zeke]: I, at the time, decided to put Bowelripper behind me.

*General snickering*

[Kier]: Aw, that’s a good one, man.

[Markus]: Wow. [Markus claps, notices that he isn’t smiling, and then stops. I just keep waiting for a punchline.]

[Zeke]: As he left, he offered me some parting advice: “Whatever you’re gonna try to do, try not to get too loud. We gotta lotta, we gotta lotta business in the area, and how about just keepin’ it down, okay? That’d be nice. More paperwork would be a pain in the ass, okay?” In a daze, I waited at our camp for weeks, until Horaven returned from one of his trips. I had the unfortunate responsibility of communicating our master’s fate to him. Horaven’s only reaction was a very calm, “And the clans were complicit?” I related to him that, yes, the clan leaders had arrived as well to confirm the identity of the spirit. Then I asked him why, why was it important that the clans were involved? Horaven shook his head.

[Horaven]: “The World Government, the clans, him being a god or a spirit: who gives a shit about any of that? His only goal was to help out two dead beats. You and me. How about coming with me, Bowelripper? We’ll show everyone that clan doesn’t matter! World Government? Who gives a shit about that? With the skills Master taught you, you could easily carry on his legacy.”

[Zeke]: “THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ BOWEL- *sighs* I will be going to Xinkala. It’s about time I earned a title for myself.”

[Horaven]: “You can’t give his skills to them! You’d be spitting on his legacy, everything he stood for! I won’t let you!”

[Zeke]: And for the first time, I fought Horaven seriously. To the death, or so I thought. Honestly, the big lug has a large, dumb heart, and the fool held back. Ultimately, I pulled away victorious, the Bowelrip- Zeke’s sword skills inherited from his master proving to be superior of Horaven’s.

[Ashe]: You said it yourself, though. Horaven held back. That’s not a test.

[Markus]: Yeah, you got played. [Markus says through a mouthful of popcorn.]

[Zeke]: Regardless of whether or not Horaven was truly fighting me, that battle determined our futures. Horaven went on his way. He decided to be a hero on his own, wander into the woods. I decided to integrate myself with Xinkalan culture. Those clans that had struck down my master, I wanted to use that power, use it to carry on his legacy. My master appreciated beauty above all others. As it stood, he could only teach two misfits in the wild. My goal was to move through the clans, work my way to the top, and replace whatever their regime was with one that embraced and encouraged beauty. Horaven decided to take the law and the world into his own hands. You’ve seen the result of it. He now wanders around as a self-proclaimed hero, but ultimately he aids nothing.

[Ashe]: As far as you’re concerned, at least.

[Zeke]: Right now, I exist as Zeke, the leader of the Lily Clan. My goal and responsibility is now towards the people. I won’t let the same fate befall them, that came to my master and that village. As it stands, you, my champions, will be working to protect this great nation of Ohnorant. Out there there are malicious forces working with and against us. Keeping one’s head in this turbulent world is the difficult part, always focusing on this goal of spreading beauty.

[Ashe]: I, look, Zeke. I’m going to stop you. I don’t think the Lily Clan is for me. Having heard your story, I can’t be with somebody who just forsakes their master and goes and sides with the people that slew him. That’s not-

[Markus]: Ashe, you’re not even a samurai, Ashe.

[Ashe]: I don’t care, Markus! It’s about how I feel towards the situation. It’s just…

[Zeke]: I should make this clear. My master, that creature, never deemed it necessary to convey his nature to us.

[Ashe]: Does it matter?

[Zeke]: At the time, it made me realize: the spiritfolk used to be our deities. Many still think of themselves that way. I’ll say it now: The spiritfolk who look down on mankind as lesser are the enemy. Any creature that threatens the beauty of life is the enemy. If you wish to join the Lily Clan, be ready to fight the malicious, the evil, and the patronizingly well-intentioned.

[Ashe]: As deemed such by you. You’re the one deciding that these creatures are malicious, evil, and so on and so on. Who cares? Who cares if your master didn’t, it doesn’t matter if your master didn’t deem it necessary to tell you what he was. He obviously cared for you a great deal. I don’t see how him being a spirit should in any way affect your opinion of him.

[Zeke]: As it stands, I chose to embrace not who my master was as a person, or as a creature. I chose to embrace his ideals. I chose the most efficient path to spreading those ideals to all of Xinkala. I won’t take up a revenge crusade on the people that slew him, because that completely contradicts the nature of beauty. When you see Horaven, do you think of him as beautiful?

[Markus]: Yes.

[Ashe]: Uh.

[Gregor]: Mmhm!

[Kier]: Yeah, he’s got nice eyebrows.

[Markus]: Like real, like he’s just, he has style. There’s no denying it.

[Zeke]: MOTHERFUCKER, YOU GOTTA BE PIECE OF SHIT KIDDING ME, YOU SONS OF BI- *strangling noises*

[Markus]: Hey! Whoa. Okay. Okay.

[Gregor]: Keep it together, man.

[Markus]: It’s fine. Look, you obviously have a storied past. I’m glad that you’ve found somewhere you can fit in. Ashe, if you can’t agree with this man’s life and how he’s lived it, that’s fine, but I wouldn’t go picking fights over something that’s done in the past.

[Ashe]: I’m not picking a fight, I’m not picking a fight.

[Markus]: I’m sorry. Bad, bad usage of words. You’re not really picking a fight.

[Gregor]: You’re picking a fight.

[Ashe]: I just, the Lily Clan is not for me.

[Gregor]: Eh, she’s picking a fight.

[Ashe]: Gregor, shut up.

[Gregor]: I’ll take her spot!

[Ashe]: Fine, have it!

[Gregor]: I can do both.

[Ashe]: Have it. I don’t care.

[Markus]: Nope, nope, nope, nope! Kier?

[Ashe]: No, Mar- look-

[Markus]: There’s a spot up!

[Gregor]: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Ashe]: Markus, Kier, Gregor. I, I have to turn down the spot for a couple reasons. One, I don’t agree with the mentality of Zeke, of you. [I stare at Zeke.] Second-

[Markus]: Completely understandable.

[Ashe]: I, well, I wanted to talk to the lot of you, but, I mean, not here.

[Gregor]: No. I don’t get it, Ashe.

[Markus]: Hey, Zeke, can you give us a moment?

[Zeke]: YOU’RE TRYING TO KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN MOTHERFUCKIN’ GARDEN YOU PIECE OF SHIT?

[Markus]: Yes.

[Zeke]: I mean, yes. Yes, please.

[Markus]: Yes, I am.

[Zeke]: Take as much time as you need. [Zeke is visibly shaking. You see his hand going for something that’s in his back pocket. It’s strangely whipassed shaped.]

[Markus]: [I, um, I turn to face Ashe, then turn back and face Gunter.] Sorry, Gunter. Inner circle only.

[Kier]: No, I think- ohhh. We needed him. He’s really real.

[Markus]: He’s pretty real. I’ll bring him back later if it’s relevant.

[Kier]: Okay.

[Ashe]: Ideally, I wanted to do this kind of on some down time. Maybe with Thog there, once he’s woken up, but I’m turning down because I need some time to myself, not just a day or an afternoon, but since I left Meathe I’ve kind of been... Well, things have been going fast. Non-stop. I haven’t really been able to think about the reason I left Meathe. I’ve kind of been putting it off, and it’s driven me to be more angry than I’d care to be, at my friends and I need some time, a lot of time, to myself to figure it out. So, this is me saying that you guys are great, but I’ll see you later.

[Gregor]: Ashe!

[Kier]: I, uh!

[Gregor]: You idiot! Clearly, you’re so bad at talking. Just talk to us! Don’t just storm off.

[Ashe]: Look, I, I’m not storming off.

[Markus]: [I go up and put a hand on Gregor’s shoulder.]

[Gregor]: You are storming off and you’re not talking with us at all.

[Ashe]: Gregor, shut up!

[Markus]: She’s not storming off. Ashe.

[Ashe]: I just don’t know what to say. That’s, I need time, a lot of time to think.

[Markus]: Okay. Well, Ashe, Ashe-

[Gregor]: We’re supposed to be your friends, Ashe.

[Ashe]: I’ll be fine.

[Markus]: Hold on to that oven mitt.

[Ashe]: I will, Markus.

[Markus]: I won’t, I won’t storm in on you, but hold on to that oven mitt in case we’ve got to find you or in case you have to find us.

[Ashe]: I will, and I appreciate it, and can one of you please tell Thog for me. I don’t wanna go back there right now.

[Kier]: Dibs! [Kier puts his hand down.]

[Markus]: No, yeah. Kier’s, Kier’s got it.

[Ashe]: Thank you, guys. It’s been really fun. I’ll be in touch.

[Gregor]: Ashe, stop it.

[Markus]: We’ll see you soon.

[Gregor]: *sighs* God damn it! She always does this! She says she wants to talk about things and then she doesn’t, she just does her own thing, and…

[Markus]: Well, the thing that she wanted to talk about was that she didn’t want to talk about it, ultimately. And, hey.

[Gregor]: That’s not talking about it, that’s her *sighs* that’s her avoiding us. Not talking to her friends.

[Kier]: I am deeply confused!

[Markus]: Okay. Ashe-

[Kier]: Then we’re not, we’re not talking to friends, we’re talking to friends, something something, life going fast?

[Gregor]: She’s talking at us! She’s not even considering us. I want to help her!

[Kier]: I’ve been off the island for like a month so far, and life, yeah, life goes really fast out here! And that’s kinda what I like about it! The speed. And the danger. Also the danger.

[Markus]: Oh, I love it. Don’t get me wrong.

[Kier]: Basically both of those things together, yeah. Like, obviously, Markus. You know what’s up.

[Markus]: Oh, yeah.

[Kier]: When it comes down to it, I don’t think I understand any of this stuff? It’s all, like, it’s all up here, you know? [Kier rubs his belly and pats his head at the same time.] You know?

[Markus]: Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[Kier]: It’s in the various emotion spots and, um, yeah, those are deeply confusing to me. Uh, that didn’t seem like something we could solve just by hugging it out. I felt like I should try, but, you know.

[Markus]: I don’t think-

[Gregor]: *sighs* If she wants to leave, she can leave. But, I wish she’d talk to us.

[Markus]: She’s not necessarily leaving, and hey, look. It’s been-

[Gregor]: She just walked out of here.

[Markus]: I meant leaving for good, never to be seen again.

[Gregor]: I know, I know. But-

[Markus]: Here’s the thing. It’s been clear from the outset that Ashe has had some secrets. We don’t really know anything about where she came from, or what’s happened there, or…

[Kier]: Yeah, I’ve been like, based on subtle, incredibly subtle hints that she’s been dropping, I’ve been compiling a book. [Kier drops a book that is roughly ten pounds onto the ground.]

[Markus]: Okay, we’ll get to that later. Um.

[Gregor]: Don’t you see that as a problem, though? Everyone can have their secrets, but they’re controlling her. We can’t do anything, ‘cuz she doesn’t-

[Markus]: If they’re controlling her, she’s letting them control her? And if she needs time to work through that, then we need to give that to her. And if she needs our help, then we’ll be here to help. For the time being she has the oven mitt and, you know what, just to be safe, I’m gonna send some imps after her.

[Gregor]: *sighs*

[Markus]: [Markus snaps his fingers. A small, pudgy imp- ]

[Kier]: Gregor, it’s cool. Your secret book’s, like, five pages. Markus’ is like a, like an encyclopedia, though.

[Markus]: [A small imp with an ornate sword strapped across his back appears in the middle of the Lily Clan platform.] Ah! Good to see you imp...

*imp noises*

[Markus]: Sir Impington Imperson the Ninth. Buddy. Buddy. We’ve gotta talk about that name, okay. Just, here. Come here. You reproduce asexually. It doesn’t make sense for you to be the ninth of anything, okay? You came from spores. It’s just-

*indignant imp noises*

[Markus]: I’m not questioning your honor! I’m not questioning your lineage, I’m just saying-

[GM]: [Kier walks over to Gregor while Markus argues with the imp in the background.]

[Kier]: You want, you wanna hug, man?

[Markus]: I’m not going to trial by combat you!

*imp noises*

[Kier]: You wanna hug it out?

[Gregor]: Yeah. Kier, will you make me a promise?

[Kier]: What’s that?

[Gregor]: If you need help, you’ll, you’ll ask?

[Kier]: Yeah, like, right now I think I could use help processing any amount of this, because I think I’m emotionally stupid? So, uh, yeah! Yeah, so if we could flesh that out at some point, that’d be helpful. My Ashe schematic’s all screwed up at this point.

[Gregor]: You got it, buddy.

[Kier]: Markus, get over here, we’re huggin’ it out!

[Markus]: Ah, okay. Just give me one moment here.

[Kier]: What the, are you knife-fighting one of your imps?

[Markus]: He’s demanding trial by combat! Look. Okay. I respect you. I respect your house. Can we please stop fighting?

*imp noises*

[Markus]: Okay. Thank you. Now, look. I need you to keep an eye on Ashe. I’m just, I’m asking you because you are one of my top operatives. Take Emily and Rex with you, and just try and make sure that she doesn’t get killed by anything. But don’t let her see you, okay? You can use the trenchcoat. [Markus holds out a trenchcoat. He summons two more imps and they all pile into the trenchcoat, appearing as a small person. They trundle off. Markus ambles over and joins the group hug.]

[GM]: [The group hugs it out. Zeke returns.]

[Zeke]: I see that the white-haired one has left. An unfortunate conclusion. I was prepared to get my life coach / therapist.

[Markus]: Who is your therapist and life coach?

[Dao]: So, now what you’re telling me is you failed to emotionally understand your friend because you feel she’s keepin’ secrets and secretly being controlled by those secrets?

[Markus]: Yeah, but we don’t wanna, like, you know, push her or anything?

[Gregor]: No. Just…

[Kier]: Yeah, I mean, like, you get it. Like, this guys gets it. This guy gets it.

[Markus]: Look at his eyes. They’re so kind!

[Kier]: Look at that axe! That is the axe of a man that understands friendship. Can we have that axe back?

[Markus]: Can we have the axe back? That doesn’t look like it suits you.

[Gregor]: Eh. I mean...

[Kier]: Oh, he’s gone quiet again.

[Dao]: Now, your decision to maybe give her a little bit of space, that doesn’t seem like such a bad one, but in the long term, if you really value your friendship, you gotta figure out what’s raising these barricades between you.

[Kier]: Wow, that’s, uh.

[Markus]: That’s a really good point.

[Kier]: That’s a really, really good point.

[Markus]: Yeah.

[Kier]: I think we’ve gotta do some reflecting on ourselves?

[Markus]: Me too!

[Kier]: And our relationship, maybe. I feel like, I feel like a newman, right here.

[Markus]: Like a new man?

[Kier]: No!

[Zeke]: Speaking to my good friend and confidant, Dao, is how I achieved my enlightenment.

[Dao]: Yeah, you’ve been keeping the bowelrippings down to, to a relatively low level. I’m proud of you, man.

[Markus]: What’s a relatively low level, if I may ask?

[Gregor]: Relatively.

[Zeke]: Sometimes I bowelrip by night, sometimes when the moon is full.

[Markus]: Uh. Okay!

[Kier]: Okay, so that’s cool. Um. I feel like I could tell you anything, Mr. Bigman.

[Markus]: Big man?

[Kier]: Big, him over there. I know I was looking at you, Markus, when I said that, but I was really talking to him. I was also talking to you, man. I feel like I could tell you anything, man.

[Markus]: Thanks, man! I feel like I can tell you anything, too. Or you, Gregor! [I throw my arms around Gregor and Kier.]

[Gregor]: Thanks! I can tell you guys anything, too.

[Markus]: Great!

[Gregor]: Let’s talk!

[Kier]: Yeah, we’re just gonna hug it out over here.

[Dao]: I would not suggest hugging it out. Hugging it out can have dangerous repercussions in the long term.

[Markus]: What? WHAT? That’s ridiculous!

[Gregor]: No. No. I will not give it up.

[Markus]: This man knows nothing! Let’s go talk to somebody who knows what they’re talking about.

[Kier]: Maybe Colvin’s some, Colvin! Hey, Colvin!

[Markus]: I think Old Inny has some wisdom we should listen to.

[Dao]: They’re a good group of kids, they’re just emotional as fuck.

[Markus]: I’m thirty-five years old!

[Zeke]: Yes, I’ve come to understand that. However, I notice great potential in all of them. They are all flowers not yet bloomed. Now, put your whip away. [A single tear runs down his cheek.]

[Dao]: [He pats Zeke passing by on the shoulder.] Yeah, you guys are, you guys are perfect for each other. [Dao wanders away, leaving a trail of glitter.]