my papa visits me in my dreams.
ive taken up his mantle, in the broadest sense. i work where he used to work and i eat his chips. i wonder if he likes that.
sometimes, i know he is not supposed to be there. he stands in the corner of the school cafeteria in his sunday clothes and smiles at me while kids argue about milk and grades at my table.
he doesn't usually say much. when i am awake, i beg him for guidance. i feel so lost. i am gaining a sense of how grand the world is and how little grasp i have on myself in it. i am worried i will lose hold of my little self and watch as i am washed downstream. when i am asleep, he smiles at me and points out shapes in the clouds. last night i was hot, so he threw a sheet at my head to replace my heavy blanket with during movie night.
maybe that lack of guidance means something. he doesn't correct my course or give me thunderbolt revelations. on the occasions he dreamwalks with me, he hugs me and tells me with his eyes that i am as beautiful as the day i was born. he smiles at me from the corners and i know everything will be alright. maybe that's all i need.
i dont see images in my head. when I wake up, his face is gone. but he is always so clear and vivid in my dreams.