#thunder 42

There, he exited and got Teddy out of the carrier in an instant. I procured a bottle of milk and passed it on, and in a matter of minutes Teddy managed to calm down in his dad’s arms. A couple of minutes more, and the boy was sound asleep, his tiny fingers wrapped around the bottle.

“Don’t ever say that, Cas. That you should’ve let him stay at home. He’s my boy.” Michael said as he rocked him gently.

“I know. I just feel bad. That he’s been this way, and-”

“Don’t. It’s fine. Look at him, all asleep and happy now.” Michael looked at the boy and I felt my heart soar.

“Besides. It’s probably just the English air. He doesn’t like it.” He said and picked his box of cigarettes from his pocket before handing it to me. I lit one up and made sure to stand a bit from Teddy so the smoke wouldn’t bother him. The nicotine shooting through my body made me feel calmer.

“Oh, is that so? The dreadful, English air, huh?” 

“Mm-hmm.” He replied while rocking Teddy gently. “You should have seen me. The first couple of weeks I was crying my heart out too. We don’t like it.”

I bit my cheek from laughing too loudly at his remark.

“Oh. Yeah, I understand. It must be terrible.” I teased back and put out the cigarette. Michael put Teddy into the carrier again, and miraculously, he didn’t wake up. Within moments, we were back on the road.

 “You sent out the RSVPs yet?”

“Not yet, no.” I replied as we took a turn from the motorway and headed towards the central London. Teddy was still sound asleep. “Planning to do it tonight, though. I’ll just send them by Facebook.”

“Facebook? I thought you were going to mail them.”

“Not the way it works today, old man.”

Michael smirked at my remark and grabbed my thigh, teasing me. “What about Yasmin? I’m sure she doesn’t have one.”

“You’re dead wrong about that.” I scrolled through my phone to find the document I was searching for. We were going to have a big going away party, but nobody knew yet. That’s why I was creating an RSVP on the phone, readying it for to be sent tonight. I dreaded the girls’ reactions. I knew they were going to support me no matter what, but I also knew that they’d have a thing or two to say about it as well. 

“It’s going to work out.” Michael could sense my uncertainty and he caressed my thigh while simultaneously maneuvering the car through the traffic.

“They’re gonna yell at me. I know it. Especially Cait.”

“What, for moving here?”

“They haven’t really come round to you, I think.”

Michael sighed and took his hand back to the wheel.

“And you?” He looked straight ahead, focused, concentrated, seemingly emotionless. I knew that wasn’t the case. He was anxious. 

“All is in the past.” I said and tried to block the memories. “All is good now.”

“Good. I have something that you have to see.”

“Yeah, what are we doing here?” I looked around and recognized the area of Kensington and Chelsea. It wasn’t long until we drove into the Notting Hill area. On and on we went, until we were headed down a small road. 

He parked the car, waved at a man seemingly waiting for us, and lit up a cigarette. I was completely dumbfounded, but managed to get myself and Teddy out of the car. The boy had now woken up and happily accepted the piece of bread I offered him. 

 “Steve!” Michael waved at the man, who now came closer. He was about Michael’s age, dressed in a casual suit, and carrying a briefcase of sorts. He had a very realtor-esque look about him.

“Steve, this is … Cassie. And our boy, Teddy.”

“Hello, how nice to meet you.” Steve said and shook my hand. Teddy waved at him. 

“Likewise. Eh, if you don’t mind me asking - what’s … all this?”

Steve chuckled lightly. “He hasn’t told you, has he?” Steve turned to Michael. “This is your new home, if you’ll accept.”

“A … what? How?”

Steve chuckled again. “Not to your liking, or?”

“Of course it is. I just … I’m sorry, Steve, I just need to talk to Michael for a bit.”

“No problem. I’ll be waiting out here, you can talk inside if you like to.”

With a wink at Michael, he unlocked the door and showed us inside. I could feel how completely shocked I looked as I walked in.

 It was beautiful. To the left, there was a large, light kitchen and to the right, a large open space, perfectly fitted to become a living room. In the middle, a large wooden staircase led up to the first floor. 

Teddy seemed just as fascinated as I was, as his large blue eyes scoured through the room. I put him down and he began to crawl around.

Michael stepped  up at me from behind and carefully laid an arm around me.

“If it’s… if you don’t like it, we’ll sell it and find another. Just say so.”

“Sell it? Wait, it’s ours already? Why haven’t you said anything? Ugh, that’s so typical you-“

He moved to stand in front of me, a sad expression on his face.

“It was my Dad’s. I got it after he passed.”

“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”

“It’s okay. It’s just … I’m just a little unsure about it.”

Teddy had crawled all the way to the wall and tried to stand up. He hadn’t quite figured out how just yet.

“Why?”

“It was my Dad’s. We didn’t exactly have the best thing going on.”

“Oh, it’s a too many bad memories thing?”

Michael nodded, brows furrowed.

“I think it’s beautiful, Michael.” I took his hand as I spoke and he looked up at me with a half-smile.

Teddy’s happy baby talk made the both of us look to where he was standing. He had now managed to stand up, and used his chubby baby hand to support his balance. With a gorgeous smile, he looked at Michael and like that, out of the blue, he spoke his first word.

“Daaaad!” 

We looked at each other, baffled and amazed, before we exploded in cheers and laughter.

 ( … )

 It didn’t take more than a couple of minutes for, well, everyone, to reply as I’d sent out the RSVPs.

Yasmin was the first to respond with an all caps “I KNEW IT” and a ton of heart emojis.

Megan wrote a completely neutral “congratulations!” but it seemed like there was a lot more to it than that. Caitlin called my phone, and I didn’t answer. I was trying to tuck Teddy in, but just as Michael said, he hated the dreadful English air. Also, there were the entirely new surroundings of Nathan’s apartment which we had borrowed for our stay. There had been way too many new impressions for him today, and there was no way he would go to sleep early tonight.

“Pick it up!” A message from Caitlin read.

“Can’t. Tucking Teddy in.” 

“We need to talk about this.”

Ugh. For fuck’s sake, Cait. 

“I had hoped you’d be happy on my behalf?”

“I am. I hope you’ll be happy.”

“I am happy, Cait.”

“That’s good, then.”

 I didn’t know what to write back to her, and I put my phone away and tried to sing a song for Teddy. It seemed to calm him down, and as I laid down beside him and laid my arm around him, he finally began to close his eyes. I did the same, only to rest for a moment.

 The nightmares came quickly. They were about the same things that they were usually about. Some were with horrible scenarios where Teddy was missing, and I had to run through the entire city of Kenmare to finally find him. And when I did, I would find him in Michael’s arms, and Michael would be surrounded by beautiful women. Or, when the nightmare was particularly bad, there would just be one. One that was now his girlfriend. One that would have me kicked out of our home, one that would be Teddy’s new mother. This night, it was a particularly bad one. It had me tossing and turning until finally, I sat up in the bed with a scream. Sweaty and distraught, I flew out of bed and didn’t stop until I collided with Michael in Nathan’s hallway. He grabbed me by the arms and stopped me from running further.

“Cassie? Cassie! What is it?”

“You … you ... “ I cried. The memory of the dream was etched into my brain, and I was still in a state between sleeping and being awake. “You were with somebody else.”

He released me and I heard him sigh. 

“How many times do we have to go over this?” I heard his voice change from worry to anger, and like that, I began to become angry as well. “How many times do I have to apologize?”

“I dunno, Michael. Start now and stop in 80 years?” I snarled back at him.

He backed away and let out a dry laugh. It only served to make me even angrier.

“What do you want me to do? You can keep on doing this-” He gestured vaguely with his arms. “Or you can accept that I am sorry, that it won’t happen again, and that I love you. But I need an answer.”

“How can you EVEN imply that I’m just delicate. How can you FUCKING not see that I’m like this because of you?” 

“Lower your voice. Teddy might waken.”

“I’ll bloody well scream the house down if I want to.” I replied, but with a lower voice than before.

“Fine. But you have a problem. You weren’t exactly a saint, either.”

“A saint? What the fuck, Michael? At what point did I do something that made you go “hmm, well, yeah. I’ll screw someone else.” Fuck off. You fucking idiot. You fucking twat.”

I could feel tears running down my cheeks, tears that came from the entire situation. The dream, Michael’s misunderstanding, our argument, and the fact that he was right. If we moved in together, this would never end. I would always wake up from nightmares. He would have to deal with this jealousy forever. Teddy would, at some point, begin to understand that Mum and Dad weren’t good friends right now. I could feel my heart breaking at the realization. I sat down, back turned against the wall, and cried.