“Don’t, Cait … I don’t know. I’m just as confused, honestly.” I sighed and let my shoulders drop. The global sign for “I really have no clue anymore”.

“Caitlin, honey, I appreciate the fact that you and Cassie’s other friends are here, I really do, but maybe you can tone down that … tone.” My Mom chimed in as she came through her living room carrying a tray of cookies before putting it down on the table. “She’s been through enough, don’t you think?” She asked rhetorically before exiting the room again. Having turned into some kind of Christmas saint, she had - without my knowing - invited Megan, Caitlin, and Chris for coffee. Now, here they were, and the truth was out. I understood their concern, but I was too tired to really appreciate it.

“And the baby was his?” Megan suddenly asked, and I nodded in return.

“Yup. Haven’t been with anyone else. I thought I couldn’t get pregnant so soon, and -”

“You could.” Megan replied and ate one of my Mom’s cookies.

“And now he’s moved, and you’re doing some kind of long-distance thing?” Caitlin asked. She had dialed down the anger, but not by much.

“We’re … we’re doing the FaceTime thing and all that. But it’s been hectic, he’s only just moved in with Nathan, and they’re trying to get the new pub ready and-”

“Hmm.” She stated in return. Her boyfriend, Chris, sat beside her, stoically calm. He knew there was no stopping her and simply let her run loose.

“Hmm, what? Enough with the subliminal crap, Caitlin. I’m a mom, god damn it. I slept, perhaps, 10 minutes last night, and I have zero ability to read your fucking mind.”

“Oh, nothing. Besides the fact that you know. It’ll be awfully easy for him.”

“What will be?”

“You know. Having you come to London once a month. And being free the rest of the time … free to do whatever he wants.”

“What the hell? It’s not like that.”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t thought the same.”

“Even if I had, what’s it to you? It’s not your life.”

She uncrossed her arms and leaned forward, her eyes pleading with me.

“Every time something bad happens, every time you come running for help. Every time. Back at the office, you were grumpy for days whenever he didn’t text you back. Back then when that thing happened between you - I still have no idea what that was all about, but you called me and you sounded like you were manically anxious. Back when he cheated, there you were again. Wanting to … to get help to call a midwife. I’ll just be honest with you, Cas, because we love you. Every time he’s fucked it up, it has been us that had to pick up the pieces of you again.”

“She’s right.” Megan chimed in. “Us and your Mom.”

I looked at them and suddenly felt tired. I knew they were right. What kind of mess is this. Should I get out of it now? I rubbed my eyes and tried to convince myself that they weren’t right.

“Uuuugh.” I exclaimed as something suddenly dawned on me. “There’s just that thing … he’s asked me to come with him.”

“What?” Three voices sounded in unison from around the table. Each one looked more flabbergasted than the next.

“To come and stay. I know, right?”

“You … and Teddy … and everything?” Megan asked.

“No, naturally not Teddy, why on earth would we want to live with our child, Megs. Ew.” Megan and the rest began to howl with laughter. I could even hear my mother laughing from somewhere in the house.

“But … you’re not going, right?” Caitlin asked. Her anger seemed to have vanished completely now. She just looked surprised. “I mean, you have a nice apartment … and your mom. And us.”

“That’s exactly what I told him.” It felt like a hole in my heart was screaming at me. Go to London.  “That I couldn’t.”

“Hm.” Caitlin replied. A strange calm came over the table as we ate our cookies in peace.

( … )

“Hold up, hello-” The screen on my phone was utterly dark, and the noise coming from its speakers was some kind of electronic rustling. I recognized Nathan’s voice and as always, it made me feel better.

“Hello, Cassie?” The phone said, but there still wasn’t any picture on the screen.

“Yeah, that’s me. Hi, Nathan.”

“Hi, love. I can’t seem to get this bloody thing to work, hold up.”

He was rustling some more, and I thought I saw a few light spots on the screen, before it turned jet black once again.

“Oy!” There he is. My heart was doing jumping jacks at the mere voice of him. “Give me that ... Christ, you old people and technology. God.” I heard him teasing Nathan and giggled at the banter between them. Suddenly, the phone lit up and there he was. Michael.

“You shouldn’t tease him, you know.” I spoke at the smiling, handsome face on my phone. “You’re not awfully young yourself.”

He cocked an eyebrow at me as his eyes shifted completely. He looked like he was going to make me regret what I’d just said in the sexiest way possible. I felt my cheeks redden and had to cross my legs at the thought of it.

“You best be happy you’re all the way over there, darl’.” He said in a low voice, and I could almost feel myself tremble at the sound of it.

“You’d never catch me, old man.” I smacked my lips at him and tried to ignore the want that he caused.

“Oy, you two. There are other people present, you know.” I heard Nathan’s voice from somewhere else in the room and felt like the poster girl for complete embarrassment. I could see from Michael’s face that it was just friendly teasing, and that helped.

“I had forgotten you weren’t alone. Sorry.” I said.

“Don’t mind it.” Michael replied.

“It’s kinda cramped, isn’t it? With Nathan and the wife and you … they have a kid too, don’t they?” He shook his head in return.

“He has a flat on his own. He’s only coming for dinner once in a while. I’ve gotten his old room, actually. And haven’t I told you this? Nathan and his wife got separated a while ago.”

“They … what?” I was shook. I couldn’t believe the words I was hearing. “What on earth went wrong? They’ve been together forever.”

“It’s a long and dull story, Cas.” I heard Nathan reply from somewhere else and knew that I shouldn’t pry anymore.

“He’ll tell you some other time.” Michael smiled at me. “But there’s plenty of room as it is now. When are you moving in?”

I stuck my tongue out at the screen and tried to look serious. It failed.

“You’re an ass.”

“Yup. But you love this ass.” He replied. The smile on his face made the small creases around his eyes more visible. I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers along the fine lines.

“How’s our boy?” He turned a bit more serious at the thought of Teddy.

“Missing his Dad, I think. He’s slept terribly for the past few nights.”

“I’m sorry about that. You’re getting help from Liz?”

“Yeah. But I can’t just drop him off at her place every night. He’ll end up calling her Mum.”

“I get that. If you come over here, I’ll take the night shifts, hmm?”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Can’t promise anything, darl’.”

I bit my lip and smiled like an idiot at him.

“Say hi to Nathan, okay?”

“Hi back!” I heard Nathan shout from somewhere across.

Michael blew me a kiss and hung up. I didn’t get to sit there giggling for myself long, though. Teddy had woken up again.

( … )

“Megs? Oy?”

“Cassie? Hey!”

We almost ran into each other in the street where I’d spent so much time. The street with the pub - our pub. I thought to myself that if I had to move, if I had to go back to England, this street would be the thing I would miss most about Kenmare.

“Going out?” She looked me up and down, and I could see why. For the first time in forever, I was wearing high heels and makeup. “The pub?”

“Ye. I felt like shit. Missing Michael, and … yeah. Yasmin told me she needed to chat about something. So I thought, why the hell not.”

“I get that. You look great, though.”

“Thanks, Megs. Where are you off to?”

She looked like she was blushing, but then again, it was a cold day.

“I’m … uh … I’m just out for a walk.”

“Okay? Have a nice one, I guess?” I was confused with her strange behavior but didn’t pry any further.

“Thanks. See you, Cas. Give a kiss to your boy.”

“I will.”

We hugged, and she was on her way.

“Cassandra!” Yasmin waved enthusiastically for a second before she vanished out back, an apologetic smile on her face. I knew what it meant, as the boss of the place she had enough to see to. I remembered from the time I’d worked here.

Patiently, I sat down at the bar and made eye contact with one of the new bartenders.

“Hi. I’m Allison. How may I help you?” She yelled through the music.

“Just a coke, please.”

She found one in the fridge below and handed it to me with a smile.

“One of the boss’ friends, yeah? It’s on the house.”

“Thanks, Allison. She busy right now?”

She laughed a bubbly laugh and reminded me of careless evenings from before. “As always. But she should be here in a minute or so. Make yourself at home.”

“I will.”

 The pub looked like itself, but then again, it didn’t. The walls had been painted a different color, the furniture had been switched to a more modern style, and throughout the walls, there were pictures of powerful women instead of football teams. Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Aretha Franklin, Amy Winehouse and, naturally, all of the Spice Girls.

The roaring football fans had their own corner as usual, but somehow, they weren’t as noisy as they used to be. The football wasn’t as important as it had been before. It could be the fact that the clientele had changed as well as the chairs and tables. Everywhere, the women had seemingly taken over. Dancing, singing, enjoying themselves, once in a while taking a man out to dance and having fun. From my spot, I could see Cerys sitting on James’ lap, chatting and caressing him and trying to stay professional. I smiled at the sight. Before I knew it, Yasmin appeared out of the blue and hugged me tightly.

 “Cassie! So great to see you.” She exclaimed and gestured around the pub.

“You like what I did?”

“It’s … magnificent. I love it. Well done.”

“I’ve had help, of course. But yeah … I’m proud of it.”

“I can see why.” I smiled at her. “You wanted to see me about something?”

“Ah. Yes. When are you going to move to England?” She looked at me with a completely serious look on her face, and I was utterly confused until she dropped the act and burst into a big, flashing smile.

“My GOD, you’re just like him, you know.” I exclaimed and slapped her shoulder playfully.

“I know. He’s great so I’ll take it as a compliment.” She teased back and we both laughed. “But seriously. When are you going to see him?”

“Uh … I haven’t really planned anything. I really haven’t got the finances right now, so that doesn’t help, either. And Teddy is so small, and I …” I could hear myself ranting.

“Ah. Excuses, excuses. He misses you, do you miss him?”

“What? Of course I do, Yasmin.”

“Then go to him.” She handed me an envelope and leaned back in her seat.

“What is thiiiiis. You didn’t … oh, fuck you, you did.” I had opened the envelope and there was no way of mistaking the plane ticket inside of it. Yasmin simply smiled at me.

“Only one condition, Cassandra. You have to take some things along to him. It’s not much.”

“Of course. But, Yasmin … this is too much. I can’t possibly accept this.”

“Shut your mouth. Of course you can. I love you both.” She grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes. I was tearing up, the sweetness of her gift was just too much. “And frankly. You both look completely miserable when you miss each other.”

That last sentence had me exploding with laughter. Yasmin laughed as well before pulling me in for a big hug.

I felt like I could jump with excitement.  

I’m going. I’m going to him. I’m going to see him.

( … )

Saturday 29th, 2016

For some reason, everyone was smiling at me as I stood, freezing on the pavement on a street in London. I pondered whether they thought I was lost or if I simply radiated so much excitement that it made people smile. It had been a month since I last saw him, and the way I missed him could be felt into my very bones. Of course, he didn’t know I was here. Nathan had picked me up at the airport - all part of Yasmin’s devious planning - and driven me to their apartment and then, to here. My phone was pressed against my ear so I could hear their conversation inside. I feared that my heart would beat so loud that it could be heard through the phone.

“The boss man!” I could hear Michael say through the phone as Nathan locked himself inside of the pub. “Coming by to see if I fucked it up already?”

Nathan laughed in return. “Yes, exactly. How’s things?”

I couldn’t hear anything through the phone, but it was clear that Michael sighed.

“Still missing half the furniture. Delivery problems, something like that. And I need to paint upstairs as well.” He sounded exhausted. I wanted to run inside and comfort him, but waited patiently instead.

“Hmm.” I could hear Nathan pacing about the room. “ Well, I have two surprises for you. One: I’ve arranged for some of my people to come and help you tomorrow. They’ll help you paint and whatever.”

“That’s … that’s great, Nathe. Thanks a lot.” I felt a tender moment between them. Nathan had grown more and more into some kind of father figure. Not only to me, but to Michael as well.

“Only the best for this place. This will be our flag ship number two.” He laughed. “Of course you need a bit of help.”

“That’s amazing. Thanks again, mate.”

“No problem. And your second surprise -”

“Yeah?” Michael replied.

“It’s a box of things that Yasmin thought you needed. Things from the old pub, back in Kenmare.”

“What? I took everything with me when I stopped.” I could hear the confusion in his voice.

“Not all, mate.” Nathan replied. “It’s outside the door, I brought a courier along. Go and get it, boy.”

“What?” He said. I could feel my heart beating harder than ever before as his steps moved quickly across the floor.

The door flew open, and he was there. The change I saw in his eyes - from confused to surprised to beyond happy - was making my heart burst.

“Courier service. Where should I put this box?” I asked and tried to keep cool all the while the smile on my face was doing the exact opposite.

He didn’t speak. Instead, he closed the distance between us, lifted me up and spun me around, until he kissed me.