#threedayrule

Three Day Rule Update- What Happened After Shark Tank

Three Day Rule Before Shark Tank Val Brennan, co-founder of Three Day Rule always wanted to become a lawyer, so she went to the University of Florida and studied law between 2003 and 2006. Once she graduated and became a lawyer, she noticed that she was always spending a lot of time on her...

-A couple of white guys talk about “The Redskins Thing.”

-Match.com’s new feature that helps you find people that look like your ex.

-The beauty queen adult film epidemic.

-Classroom full of kids cheat on exam, prove really bad at getting away with it.

I have a girl friend who perplexes me.

It’s not her, per se, but rather her dating status.

She is gorgeous, fun, super smart, easy-going, funny, successful, fashionable, active, independent, warm, friendly, and one heck of a cook. She is practically a walking Yelp guide of her city. She has more than 500 Facebook friends. She can rock a beer coozie or pick the nicest Pinot off the menu. She is the kind of girl every boy’s mother wishes he would bring home.

And she is single.

Not for lack of trying. She, like me, has had tons of first dates, many second dates, a few relationships, but no keepers. She’s tried it all: blind dates, online dating, set-ups, speed dating, and the good, old-fashioned getting out in public and trying to bump into Mr. Right over coffee/picking up dry cleaning/at the gym/you name it.

I just don’t get it.

How is a girl like that still single? What is wrong with you men? If I was a dude, I would call dibs in a heartbeat.

Anyway. I bring her up because last week, she emailed me with a question: “Why does the three-day rule still apply when everything else in our worlds is so instant??”

She explained to me that she was set up with a new guy through a mutual friend. They all went to dinner together, and from the sound of things, it went well. He asked the mutual friend for her phone number, and then the waiting game began.

“So here's the thing,” she wrote, “to save my sanity and wondering if he will, I've decided not to expect to hear from him before Sunday. If I don't hear from him by Monday, I'll be disappointed, but not before. So why do we still play that silly game? Is it a remnant of power? Does the anticipation make things sweeter?”

The Three-Day Rule is a double-edged sword. If he calls right away, he seems desperate (at least that's his fear) and if he waits, he's disappointed you. Of all the dating games, it’s the one that truly holds up. Guys nearly religiously follow the Three-Day Rule. The only real exception I’ve seen are the ones who get your number, then get drunk, and text you the same night. It’s Dating Darwinism at its finest.

But, the Three-Day Rule serves a purpose, as frustrating as it is. Think of it this way. You meet a guy on a Thursday night. Let's say he calls or texts Friday morning and says, “Hey I know it's late notice, but how about we get together this weekend?” And you're like, “Great. When are you free?” And he says, “All weekend. I have no plans...”  When's the last time you had ZERO plans for the weekend? Like, does he have no friends? No social life? Best case scenario, he says, “Anytime you have free. My plans are flexible.” And then you meet for coffee, lunch or something else casual.

On the other hand, let's say he doesn't call until Sunday or Monday, because he had a busy weekend. Isn't that kind of better? Don't you want a guy who is self-sufficient to make plans and has things to do and lots of friends and family in his life? You don’t want to be the type to date some schlub who sits around doing nothing. You're better than that. 

The even better best case scenario here would have been the intro text during the weekend, before the Three-Day Rule expires, to say hi and suggest getting together the following week. Nothing solid, of course. Just the idea shows interest.

So yeah, that truly is best case scenario, and 90 percent of guys are complete idiots. The chance that the guy who just got your phone number fits into that 10 percent is slim. It's always best to gamble with the odds, and not get discouraged when the guy you just met doesn’t call or text you on the same timeline in your mind.

I told my friend to find the silver lining in the notion that maybe he won’t call for three days. That silly rule doesn’t mean she shouldn’t give him a chance. He’s only playing by the rules, and besides, all of dating is a game. It’s one big, “someone’s gotta win and if we’re lucky we both will” kind of game.

The games suck big time, but they are more or less essential. They stop you from blurting out how you really feel about a person too early on in the relationship (which could either scare them off early, or lead them on if you haven’t given it enough thought). They stop you from appearing desperate or clingy, or on the other hand, disinterested or bored. They inspire you to dress up and look your best, and do things outside of your comfort zone you might not ordinarily do. Like go see a horror movie for the first time since 1998, just so you have the chance to sit close and squeeze his arm tight during all the scary parts.