“Normally, I’ll gladly claim this title but I’m sure someone’s willing to fight me for it.”

“No comment.”

biggest dick?

This fucker just goes around naked like 99% of the time. He’s got a big dick and he’s not afraid to show it off.

“Pity he only uses it half the time. If ya want a good constant dicking with something similarly sized you know who to call.”

biggest size queen?

“Really, it ain’t a fucking surprise it’s me. Also, I’m a kinky bastard so you can hold your questions; almost any other weird shit you mention, I’ll probably be into it.”

most emotionally unavailable?

Good luck getting this guy to open up about anything.

most likely to kill to protect a wounded animal?

“Who’s to say we haven’t? With our profession, our paths have definitely crossed. Our temperaments certainly clash but that makes the sex hotter. And I’ve been trying to get him into having things up his ass. Nothing to major, just a finger or two.”

“’Sides, I see him in the clubs and saunas from time to time. But filthiest thing I’ve done, that I can share anyway, got my personal assistant to whore himself out for dear Samuel’s business parties — at least when Samuel himself doesn’t want to be the entertainment that day — while I participated. I may be a kinky domineering guy but I’m probably vanilla by Samuel’s standards.”

“Mmhmmm, double fistings, orgies, whatever you name, I’ve been on both ends.”

best kisser?

He’s had a lot of time to practice and master the art.

worst kisser?

Worst out of the lot but doesn’t mean he’s bad. He’s just not big on the whole kissing thing.

best at deepthroating?

“M — ”

“Jesus, just shut the fuck up for once Mr. I-Take-Fists-Up-My-Ass. It’s me, and I can prove it.”

worst at handjobs?

Again. Worse of the lot, doesn’t mean he’s bad. But he gives blowjobs like a fucking champ. Catch him sucking his boss off under the meeting table, or fucking his boss in his office. He’s fearless like that.

loudest (in bed and in public)?

“I do like everyone knowing that my lover and I are having a great time. Might even let you join in.” Not to mention the fact, that with volume comes greater spell power for that sex magic stuff that he’s so good at. (Though some do require a softer, gentler approach.)

who can actually sing tho

“You’re kidding right? Have you heard the things I can do with my voice?”

“Are you going to stand there, or are you going to use you god-given tool and shove that dick in me? Unless you don’t think you can live up the standards that those men set with their cocks and fists.”