#thoughtswhilehigh

That I have a HUGE submissive streak and love to please, I have a great ass, and additionally I have a hundred and one unwritten stanzas and sonnets that I need nothing more but a muse to complete;

So I was about 17 when I went to NY alone for the first time and stayed at a Friends for the craziest two weeks of my life so many stories from the trip but I’ll stick to this one

Me and my friends went over to this guys house who had a backyard barn sort of house

And in this “barn” there was a room on the roof it was like a little nook but the guy pimped it out and made it like his smoking room

So in order to get up there you had to climb up this sketchy flimsy ladder the type of ladder where it’s just tubes

mind u I’m AFRAID of heights and this ladder looked slippery AF in the icy cold New York winter

So I climbed it and when I got up there we all chilled and smoked and I got HIGH AF and it was time to climb down

And obviously I’m the last one to come down and I was

SCARED OUT OF MY MIND

The worst part was that you really couldn’t see where your feet are going so I had to actually depend on my Friends that told me where to put my feet

My asshole Friends start telling me about the story of a girl who slipped and fell from the ladder and had to get surgery and I was ready to die at this point

I cling on it like my life depended on it ( it did) and got down ever so slowly

May I present: 

I am currently sitting in my bed, my hair is freshly washed and oiled, and it smells divine. It’s currently in two low-hanging pigtails, and I feel like a old-timey cottage woman. 

I’m in a tanktop and my new lace thong, with a oversized cardigan draping off my shoulders... I feel so divine, and  so beautiful right now, and I could cry with the self love I finallly feel. 

I am a little high, and a little sleepy, and a little (a lot-tle) horny, but i feel so whole right now. I  have candles lit around me, and a hard cover copy of The Tempest from 1913 to read, from my old book collection, and I just feel so sapphically and aesthetically happy rn.

 I just- geez. I’m really happy. and I feel so freaking pretty. And I am lonely, i’m ngl, (my dms are always open ;p ) cuz I really want a woman to share my world with, and to share hers with me. I cannot wait until i’m with my partner one day,  to have with me, to share euphoric moods with... but overall, I think i’m just real happy and proud of where i’m at.

Isn't it so much fun relieving traumas and that with even more life experience and wisdom realising just how bad they really were. I didn't even cry at all doing this probably because I've shed all the tears in the last couple of days and just finally needed to put it into words . Aren't triggers so funny. You just start crying and lashing out and can't even understand why you're crying and lashing out until one night you decide to stop fighting it and you start journalling. Same story, different apartment. I think I had a camera back then. Why do I feel like I've done this before and that I'll be doing this for the rest of my life never to actually fully heal

We're all just walking traumatized people searching for other traumatized people to dump our pain and insecurities on while taking on theirs. what is love?