My talk. There’s some days like today where I feel like God is really calling me to do this talk and share my faith with others and the candidates, but there’s other days where I feel sick to my stomach because I don’t want to give my talk for fear of being rejected or made fun of, but I know that no one on the confirmation team would ever do that to me, no matter how old I see them as, or how cool I think they are. We are all the same in god’s eyes, no matter what I think, or what they think.

My faith has been a rock for me these past months, starting in august after doing all that stuff with Andrew. I felt thoroughly guilty and disgusted in myself for what I did. Although it felt good at the time, it hurt me emotionally. A lot. A lot more than I ever thought it would. With all that shit he put me through; I’m done with older boys, who just want my body, and not my soul. I need to find someone who will respect me as a person and not just an object. When I find that guy, I will know deep inside me that he is the one that is right for me because he will respect me and respect my boundaries as well.

As I write this, I think of all the times that God has been there for me, whether I knew it or not. I knew for sure that he was with me when my grandma died. But I didn’t know that he was with me when I came around to realize that what I did with Andrew was wrong, but forgivable. Here’s another thing about God, he’s always there for you and will ALWAYS forgive if you just ask for it. He is always there to talk to, not like some of your friends. He gives the best advice and doesn’t care how you look, or what activities you do in school, all he wants is you as you are. Come as you are because he doesn’t care. Some people put God on a pedestal when he doesn’t need to be up there. Sure you need to respect him, but you do NOT need to fear him. He sees us as equals, even if you don’t think so.

As I prepare for my journey of faith that will go on when I give my talk at the confirmation retreat, I will always know that he will be there for me whenever and wherever I need him. He will always and forever be my rock of faith and someone I can go to with my problems because I know that he will answer me and have the right answer, even if I think it’s the wrong answer. After I came home from my own confirmation retreat last year, I was a changed person. I learned that God was ever present and would always be there for you, even if you did stray away from him. He always welcomes you back with open arms. The Sunday after I came home from my retreat, I really thought about my faith and whether or not I wanted to become “fully Catholic”. But through my prayer and confirmation preparation that I did through the church, I learned that I did need and want to become “fully Catholic”. I knew I made the right decision on May 10, 2011 when I became a full member of the Catholic Church. I really felt the Holy Spirit calling me by name when it was my turn to become confirmed.

My journey of faith is definitely not over if you think that. It’s not over because I am constantly thinking about what I can do to explore my faith deeper and become a “better catholic” because I want to, not because my parents are making me. Some people that are my age that got confirmed last May are not doing anything with their faith because they think that they are “done” with growing in their faith. You are NEVER done with your faith; it is a work in progress, just like yourself.