#thoughtsfromthevoid

I’m so…confused. I fear if I allowed it, I would quickly lose myself to these fragmented memories of different selves–diffuse into all of them. I won’t allow that. I will retain who I am, even in a place such as this where reality is subjective and various existences twinkle like snowflakes in the void. Who Am I?

I’m Vayne, and at the time of my…departure, I was twenty-three. Or was I hundreds of years old? Time moved strange in Erinn. Physically, I was twenty-three at the time. Let’s go with that. Age had largely become irrelevant there do to Erinn’s strange properties. My birthday is on Alban Elved. I won’t bother saying the specific date, because it all went so fast.

I’m a milletian, which means I died to reach Erinn and was brought through the soulstream to an existence of what we all thought was unending. When we died, we would rebirth again and again. Before Erinn, I belonged to a race known as the Tir’Alleth in my home of Aera. I lived a hard life, but I died due to illness at a young age. My brother had managed to…bring me back, so to speak, but things were no different. Well, if so, they were only worse.

I don’t want to talk about that, though. I’d be okay with letting that memory slip into the dark.

I died again, but once more instead of getting the rest I would come to desperately crave I found myself in my new home. It was a long, tired existence. I feel old, and weary, but it was not without it’s golden times. I got an education, I worked as a therapist until it had taken too much of a toll. I made friends. Dalvar, Auron, Adam, Link, Shinnichi. I had found a family, an extended one, and for the first time I felt like I belonged– mom, dad. Uncle Basil, Temo, Soifa.

I even got married. Then..divorced. What you did was horrible to me, Aldora…but I think I have come to forgive you. I got married again, I had children. Jeton, Mark, Melitta. They were all such good kids, weren’t they Elafina?

Oh, God, Elafina…I’ll never see you again, will I?

What Do I Dislike?

Quite a bit, I’m pretty grumpy at the end of the day I suppose. Hot days, cold food, liars, too much wind, dry weather, most people nowadays. By now, after all I went through–it would take too long to get into it all–I guess I’m a bit of a “misanthropup.” Eheheh. Get it? ..Of course I do. Talking to myself already. Pathetic.

What Interests Me?

Well, I like brains quite a bit. I’d gotten an individualized learning on social and abnormal psychology. I also like magic, which I studied intensively. I’m rather weak, physically, but I had become rather skilled with magic–nothing like my father, though.

Food, I like food. Who doesn’t?

I like reading. Especially curled up against my wife, or overseeing the children as they play.

What Will I Do Now?

I will explore these microcosms, I will take part in these existences. Maybe they’ll confer answers–how I’m here, why I have knowledge of these many other existences, how I got here. I’ve found I can enter them, become a part of them. However, I’ve found I’m bound to the rules of the world. If I am to walk among the denizens of each existence, I am to act as one of them as well. I will pretend to live among them, pretend to be one of them, spend lifetimes if I must in each world. I will not speak of what I know. I will not speak of the limitless void. In most worlds, I can’t anywhere. In worlds where I can, I see no need to cause a stir unless directly confronted.

If I have truly lived countess lives, then I will live countless more until one day I’ve achieved a true understanding of this place.

…Elafina, are they still happy? Are you? Have I been forgotten in this void? I almost hope I have, for your sake. After all you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy.

But I miss you. The prospect of going on in this place without you maddens me. I see you and I, in other existences, and I see that in every universe and every branch upon the causality tree there is you and I, and it hurts. It hurts to be without you.