#thoughtbomb

By this time,  No, I still haven’t slept. I am however about to at the conclusion of this post, or so that’s the hope, that I’ll get some sleep. 

I have so much on my mind, sometimes I feel like as humans we never take a second to stop, listen, and think about just how much is flying around the particles of our brain at a million miles an hour, and if by some miracle that you manage to snag a thought on its 9735671st travel path, and you are able to take that brief second and reflect deeper upon it, the more everything rushes around faster in the background, all bidding for a chance to be at the forefront of your conscious mind.

In recent weeks, days and even hours I’ve been taking more time to assess the things I feel, the things I think and the way they affect me and shape my mood and actions. It’s clear to me, that I don't have a distinct understanding of whats going on inside my head, and it worries me...

I know for a fact, that I am in love with someone who will never love me back I know for sure that the people I find attractive, and plainly erotic... do not share my views And I know for certain, that the way I feel, is the same way everyone has, is or will feel at any given point in their life. Its this certainty that helps us all relate in one sense or another. 

You may ask me,  How do I know for a fact that someone, with free will, whose mindset and thoughts are everchanging, will never love me back? Well, for starters, they’re not interested in men, or woman for that matter, in fact... they’re not interested in anyone! It simply doesn’t phase them, they have their friends in which they love. They have characters, icons and celebrities that they may “crush” over, but I think a lot about how I feel, and the love I feel, the affection and affinity towards another person, and how it contrasts to that of someone who can’t even see life through the same lens as me.  Which gets me thinking more, I know the people I find erotic, or attractive, situation dependant, will for sure not feel the same about me, and so I’ve led myself down a narrow road in which I am left to feel guilty, and to feel wrong for viewing someone a way that they wouldn't agree with. It all together can be a bit much to deal with, and the longer I stop to think about it all, the worse it hurts.