#thomas padalecki

You knew Tom had been trying to come see you. You heard the shouting and hushed whispering from down the stairs, JJ telling you about the letters and presents he had left for you to say sorry. A couple times he had tried knocking on your window until your Dad boarded it up with cardboard whenever he was home. You and Tom had never argued this bad. You had spats here and there but never a big blow out. It was the longest you had not spoken to him.

As bad as it sounded you knew the only thing that would bring you out of this funk was him. He could always ground you. That’s why you didn’t surprise yourself when you took down the cardboard on the window, put the window on the latch and knocked on the wall. You needed your best friend no matter what he had done to you. He was your lifeline.

Tom crawled through your window with a lot of hesitation, just looking at you with a very sorrowful and questioning glance as you looked at him from your bed, tears already accumulating in your eyes.

“Hi,” He whispered, finally coming into the threshold and standing opposite you.

“Tom,” You breathed, tears already running down your face and he rushed to your side just like old times and just held you in his chest as you let it out.

You could hear him join in crying with you and whispering ‘I’m sorry’ over and over. You took comfort in his warm chest, his heartbeat bringing your brain back to a level of reality you had been unable to reach. You slowly felt yourself crawling your way back to the surface, just from seeing his face again. You pulled away and put some distance between you and avoided looking him in the eyes. 

“Y/N look at me.”

“I want to be able to look at you and not feel so hurt by you but I can’t forgive you yet Tom, you hurt me in more ways than one.” You whispered, voice cracking slightly with emotion.

“I know, and I swear I will make it up to you. I’m so sorry Peach. I never wanted to hurt you.” He smiled sadly at you and rubbed your arm. He grabbed your hand and rubbed circles on the back of your hand softy, calming your hitching breath and slowing your tears.

“I just needed you to bring me back, I was slipping too far,” You mumbled guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

“You never have to be sorry for that. I will always be here for you, no matter if you decide to not forgive me or you do. I love you Peach. I care about you. I want to look after you.” He spoke earnestly looking into your eyes making you nod tearfully.

“I know and I love you for it Tommy, I just need to heal a little.”

“I know. I don’t expect forgiveness that easily, I haven’t even forgiven myself yet. I don’t think my parents have either. Take all the time you need, and I’ll be here waiting.” He spoke softly making you smile a little for the first time in weeks. “Does this mean you’ll come back to school?”

“Yes, but please keep your distance. Just for a little while.” You pleaded making him nod sadly.

“If that’s what you want,” He sniffed, trying not to start crying again. “I better go.”

You nodded and gave him a quick hug, pulling your hand away from his and watching as he crawled back out of your window. Your chest finally had the weights lifted off it and you felt a thousand times lighter.

That night was the first night you didn’t cry yourself to sleep. You and your Dad had a conversation about your futures, and you felt at peace. You had even eaten breakfast with your family the next morning and allowed your Mom to drive you to school. She promised she would pick you up if it felt too much which you were thankful for, but you were determined to get back to normal.

You were met by Penny and Lily waiting for you at the gates. Zach and Josh were lingering behind a little, knowing you may need space but ready to step in at any moment. You gave them both a quick hug and word of thanks for asking about you throughout your time off and immediately felt more at ease around your friends. You gave Josh a little side glance and nodded to the girls. They took Zach across the campus while Josh edged towards you.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke immediately. “If I knew you didn’t like it, I would’ve stopped. I didn’t want to fight with Tom, I know he’s your best friend. I’ve missed you Y/N. Fuck, I can barely explain the hell these few weeks have felt without seeing your face, but I know I deserve it. I will do anything for your forgiveness.”

“Josh.” You chuckled at his fast paced voice hitching with his breathing. “I forgive you. You didn’t do anything wrong I just needed some space.”

“Thank god.” He whispered going to kiss you, but you turned your head causing him to kiss your cheek. The look he gave you saddened your soul, but you knew it wasn’t fair to keep leading him on. You saw Tom with Sasha out the corner of your eye and saw his hurt look but couldn’t bring yourself to maintain eye contact.

“I can’t be with you. I’m in love with Tom. I thought I could get over it, but I can’t. I like you. I really do. But you’re not him, you know?” You spoke making him nod with understanding, the kicked puppy look not leaving his face.

“Friends?”

“Always.” You smiled and pulled him in for a hug tightly, kissing his cheek softly. You felt multiple arms wrap around the two of you and laughed as you were engulfed in a group hug.

“There’s a school talent show this lunch Y/N please come! It will be fun, a lot of crappy singers and rubbish comedians for us to laugh at.” Zach smiled nudging you slightly as you had pulled away from the huddle.

“How can I resist that?” You laughed softly giving him a side hug and allowing him to wrap his arm around your waist as you walked to class. You couldn’t be gladder you had found friends like these.

When lunch rolled around you couldn’t shake this odd feeling in the pit of your stomach. It was like a precursor to a panic attack which you really did not want to happen in front of the whole school. You persuaded your friends to let you sit on the end of the row for easy leaving access and tried to calm down, seeing Sasha a few rows ahead keep giving you dirty looks. What the hell was her problem?

After a couple of crappy singers and a surprisingly funny comedian you started to relax a little, the feeling never really leaving but you forced it back down to the deepest pit. Until you heard Tom’s name over the announcer. You knew he could sing but never thought he would do it in front of the school, it wasn’t his style.

“I want to dedicate this song to the only one I’ll ever love, my person. This is before you go.”

As he started strumming his guitar and noticed him lock eye contact with you, you felt your friends eyes all immediately turn to you. Surely, he was looking at Sasha a couple rows ahead of you, but she turned to give you a sneer, so it seemed unlikely. But surely, he couldn’t be talking about you, could he?

“When you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running cold. Well, time can heal, but this won't,”

You felt your eyes prickle with tears, your breath hitch in your throat as it started to dry out and close. You looked at him, looking at you and tilted your head softly, barely flinching when Penny gripped your had from beside you.

“Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless.”

He gave you a sad smiled from the stage as he sang the song making your body clench up and your grip onto Penny’s hand suddenly tightened as your hands went clammy.

“Our every moment, I start to replay, but all I can think about is seeing that look on your face.”

You looked down as the tears started to fall, the world beginning to feel as if it was swimming around you. You were losing touch with reality and you knew you were only seconds from starting to hyperventilate with a full blown panic attack.

“Would we be better off by now if I'd have let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we'll never know, you know, you know.”

You could barely hear the lyrics anymore as the feeling of your heartbeat and breathing filled your ears like a drum. You let the tears flow freely and your grip slackened on Penny’s hand as your vision slipped away from you, making your path a blurry mess. You barely trusted your legs as you hurtled yourself out of that hall but all you could think was that you had to leave. You needed to get out of there.

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