#thisjustjin

I spend a lot of time looking at myself... ... That makes sense due to the nature of my work perhaps haha, but even before then, even as a kid, I spent hours staring at my reflection. ... If there’s a mirror nearby, I will watch me talk to you in it, instead of talking directly to you. ... Narcissistic much?? Hahaha! ... I spend too much time though, looking through my images, and lamenting how beautiful I am, and how mistreated I’ve been, instead of celebrating all that is me. ... I have built my whole life with the identity of Cinderella, the beautiful, suffering one that nobody sees. ... And so even now when I see my own beauty my heart breaks with how unrecognized it’s been. ... I’d like to stop doing that. ... I’d like my thoughts to stop after “I’m beautiful” and erase the parenthesis of “(..so why doesn’t anyone love me..?)” ... I’ve built a life out of feeling sorry for myself. ... Even my grammie verbalizes the identity of me as the sweet little girl who everyone mistreated. ... But that is not who I wish to choose to be. ... The mistreatment of others does not tarnish the beautiful person I am meant to be. ... How then to separate the two? I’m asking sincerely. How do I look at myself and embrace my beauty without also seeing all this immense pain? ... Perhaps that’s not the goal. ... Perhaps I’m meant to embrace all of me, the yin and yang. ... But even my beauty I’ve turned in to a reason to feel sorry for myself... ... And I’d like to stop. ... I’d like to replace pity.. with power.. ... And it is within my power to stop focusing on the few in my life who, despite loving me, have treated me as worthless, or whom have blamed me for their own pain, and instead focus on the literal THOUSANDS of people I have met all around the world who recognize and love me for the beautiful, kind, caring and creative young woman that I am (and the powerful rich bitch that I am becoming).. ... All day every day, love surrounds me. ... The universe, God, my bestest self, all love the holy shit out of me. ... I love me. ... And I’m figuring out the rest from there. ... You’re beautiful, babygurl. ... You’re beautiful. Period. ... XoXo #thisjustjin (at Boston, Massachusetts) https://www.instagram.com/p/ByGM9KwhpJt/?igshid=1sixt3wpuac49

Enough of this self growth and drama... it’s time for some tatas! . I’m putting in the work today to completely revamp and rebuild my unc*nsored online home at www.patreon.com/theJinNTonic ! . I’m ready to Create My Next Level (also the name of my social media/marketing biz @create_ynl - being my own best client is very important) and want to take my worldwide modeling to new heights! . I’ve got big plans to finish up #thisjustjinworldwide , launch my official weekly blog @thisjustjin #thisjustjin , and quite possibly to start living abroad again come this October - and I’m putting in the work to make it happen and welcoming all of you to support this crazy journey for just $1 a month over at www.patreon.com/theJinNTonic ! . For just $1 buck not only will I put your name on mah butt, you’ll get instant access to dozens of unc*nsored photos and weekly posts plus a more personal behind the scenes look at the day to day work it takes to take this #whitegurlbootay around the world. . Will I see you there? . Endless thank you’d to my present and ongoing supporters, and a huge preemptive welcome to everyone ready to join the party!! . I’ll see you there! . XoXo JNT 📸 @oscarvomit (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxsddbzjpaj/?igshid=1uq95rkat5p17

@allisonholleycreator you light up my fucking world. .. The truth is, whether or not you set the intention, you affect the whole world around you. So why not focus on giving yourself everything you desire, and dancing in your joy, and watch in surprise and delight as the world reflects your happiness back to you 💋💋💋 ... And also go follow @allisonholleycreator already!! .. XoXo #thisjustjin https://www.instagram.com/p/B049HxVhxvx3cu8eGOAQe563y7SpvzyRieqZjM0/?igshid=1bq118vpmxf3h

It’s taken a long time to learn to let go, and it’s still a daily journey, but ultimately I know that my love was meant to be and that I can learn to live without fear because one day, in this life or the next, in this world or another, the moon will bring you back to me. I’m not putting my life on hold or clinging to what was any longer, but I still love my husband more than words can say, and I send nothing but love and forgiveness, unconditionally, to him each and every day. He was the sun and I am the moon, and the entire universe is in harmony for us to, occasionally, even if briefly, but always, once again collide. I hope you’re well, husband. Please know that I am too, and I’m living a more fearless life each and every day. XoXo #thisjustjin Thank you @noopface for the beautiful post. (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0fKFP_hyCXDHkvwL75SFL8g4ir7FF2UJ_J90M0/?igshid=3lb7ehyjvy9x

Happiness is an itty bitty kitty who just cannot get enough of your love 💗💗💗 Been adoring the delightful Mimi’s company during my amazing month in NYC! Thank you @briannamorrell for trusting me with your darling home and precious little fur baby. XoXo #thisjustjin (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0WiPLwg6_FU8esoGos0VSs5C05fJyAO9lbIdw0/?igshid=894qz77r1ace

Thank you @nopaynorunway for the reminder! ... I’m ready for my next level, which means leaving everything I’ve ever known behind. That’s scary, and there’s lots about my life and even people in my life that I’ll miss... ... But I’m ready. ... And I am worth a fucking fuck ton. ... XoXo #thisjustjin (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/By_j2pshk6p/?igshid=1cc41ovjdko29