#thishayley

sigh idk how to even start this w0o0ow. okay so we met in kindergarten back when we were only little baby faggots 8) and then we became best friends august 18th, whatever year that was, and we just automatically became close, even though we were so young, you were like my absolute only friend who was as weird as me. so then we ended up drifting apart over the years, becoming close again at some points, and stuff, and then that all changed september third or fourth or whatever of 2010. you were moving that day and so it sort of sucked, we werent as close as we had been idk. so your mom came and got you that day at recess because mrs.paul was creeping on you and you didnt really get to say bye, but i got home from school that day, already upset, and i found out my mom and dad were getting a divorce and he had been cheating for five years which sucked asS. so i called you and you let me go help you guys move in, did i mention you were moving hours and hours away? sux 2 suk. so then, well what can i say? we have had a rough road since then? but look at us, we made it. we have become so close, and basically see each other every few weekends which is gr8. one thing ill never forget though. is that night whatever day it was, when you told me you had cut for a year. i guess i just didnt even know that to say. i felt so cold and broken like i had failed for myself, i had failed to make sure you were okay. and just ugh it sucked. but eventually, some things happened, and you promised you never would again. and then just this past summer, i found out you had again, i dont remember exactly how you told me or exactly how i reacted, basically it was a long the lines of saying i was gonna beat your ass 32490230483452134 times. which i was hurt though, i was hurt that i hadnt kept an eye on you, and i had thought i could stop you. i dont know, it just broke my heart. i then told you some really personal stuff which i knew i should have told you when it happened. but something else happened that night, something insane, and meant for us. we threw away your cutting material, rid of that bullshit forever. im just still praying to God every day that you havent and wont do it again, because there is no one in the world who could ever hurt me again like you did when you cut. no one. that, that hurts every day, knowing that you, someone so kind and amazing could ever even dare to do something like that to yourself. but youre still recovering, getting better, and so am i. if ive never told you this, i will now. payt, you saved my life. you think being an anon, you have saved many many lives, which i know you have, but you can say you saved another, because you truly saved me, i dont know what from, but when the time comes, ill figure that out. i dont know if ive reminded you enough, but you were the only reason i even wanted to be here when i was at my lowest point, and you still are. i could never leave my best friend all alone, because you're all i got, and im all you got. and i just cant even tell you how proud i am to be your best friend. its something, one of the only things that gets me through the day, is just being your best friend. you saved me, from myself, and everything. and you are beautiful, and i just hope someone better than kainen,bransen,chris,brannon,louis,madison,kellin,anyone, just someone, the best, will prove that to you one day. you're amazing, the best i could ask for, dont ever consider yourself less than anyone, because in the words of your bbY dylan holland, you are beautiful, and dont you ever let a damn person tell you you're not.