I’m talking like ridiculoussss classic slutty nurses dress and fish nets and it’s really something because his broad frame and big chest don’t fit in the dress made for women so the top buttons are bulging across his chest and he looks so fucking ridiculous, but like also so painfully fucking hot in a short little dress because of course he does and now Shane understands why Ilya had told Shane his outfit for Hayden’s Halloween party was “a secret” and Shane dies a bit when he sees it for the first time, Ilya walking out of the bathroom with huge mega watt 32 teeth grin like.

“Hi my names Ilya I’m going to be the nurse looking after you tonight” with a stupid purr in his voice and Shane is just staring at him like oh my god. I love an idiot and also I love the hottest man in the world maybe. But he’s hardly going to give into Ilya that quick so he rolls his eyes and says “oh wow. Nurse Ilya. I think your nipples are out” and Ilya gasps and says that’s “very naughty and he is a professional” and Shane just bites in his laugh because fuck he loves Ilya.

They’d seen the slutty nursing costumes when they’d browsed the costumes a few weeks ago (Shane ended up with a hockey player uniform because “it looks comfy Ilya”) and Shane had snorted and said said “wow” as he looked at the tiny white dress with a stupid Red Cross on it and fishnets. It was fucking lame and sexist and so stupid. Sexy nurse. Shane usually came home covered in urine or blood or sputum, smelling like hand sanitiser and sweat. Sexy nurse, like cleaning an infected wound put him in the mood.

Ilya had picked up the packet holding the costume and said “did not know you did modeling on the side- wow. So accurate” as he held up packet, the picture of the blond white girl half bent over on the front next to Shane’s face. “Twins” Ilya had said solemnly with a nod and Shane had smacked in the side and then they’d promptly forgotten about the stupid costume and been more focused on grappling with each other which turned into kissing which turned into let’s go home and yeah, let’s go home.

But now his big stupid boyfriend is in the ridiculous costume and Shane knows it’s for him, to make him laugh and god Shane loves him so horribly. Ilya insists on taking Shane’s work waterbottle with him- stating he “has to be very accurate” (Shane warns him that if his owala bottle comes back fucked up or gets lost Ilya will face serious consequences. Death even. Ilya agrees, stating he knows Shane is more loyal to this waterbottle than him even if he likes sucking Ilya more- and then Shane is slapping a hand over his mouth and the conversation is done.

It’s halfway through the party and Ilya has lost the weird little white hat with a a Red Cross that had pinned into his hair and a few more buttons on the dress are open and his face is red and curls tighter from sweat and he has a beer in hand Shane’s waterbottle safely tucked under his arm. Shane is with Hayden but feels the pull of Ilya like a magnet. He’s not stupid he knows Ilya is fucking gorgeous and funny and bright and he knows everyone at this fucking sorry probably wants some piece of him- especially with how stupid sexy he looks in that dumb little dress. But Shane feels woozy over the fact Ilya is his- that he is cradling Shane’s water bottle like a baby and in that costume just to make shane laugh and he’s going to sleep in Shane’s bed tonight and fuck. Shane hates how hot the costume is. So Shane orbits back to Ilya after a quick excuse to Hayden, a fresh beer for his boy and his own held between his fingers. He slots in next to Ilya and Ilya orbits right back to him, turns his back on the conversation he was in to face Shane. He accepts the beer with a beam, skulls the end of the last one and places it off to the side. Shane watches his throat work and fuck he’s so horny it’s stupid. He wants to fuck the hot nurse. Ilya is such a mother fucker for this.

“You ok sweetheart?” Ilya asks, hand finds Shane’s hip and pulls him into him to knock their hips together, kisses his temple and cheek. Shane nods, a little tipsy and a little hard and shoves his face into Ilya’s throat. He moves his water bottle out of Ilya’s safe guarding hold, wanting to be as close to him as he can be, places it on a table by them.

He kisses the muscles he’s watched working to swallow a few minutes ago. “Good. You good nurse Ilya?” Shane asks and feels Ilya giggle and nod, his hand pushing up under Shane’s loose hockey jersey to find the warm bare skin underneath of his lower back.

“Ugh I am exhausted, is so hard being so sexy and so smart at same time. Everyone here just wants me for my tits and jeep” Ilya bemoans into Shane’s hair and swallows down his laugh, presses his lips into a smirk instead.

“But you only wanted me for my tits and jeep” Shane whispers back and pouts into Ilya’s neck so he can feel it.

“Ah.” Ilya says and he’s walking them back till Shane’s back hits a wall he’s pressed between that and the heat of Ilya’s tall, broad body against his own. Ilya’s had. Slips to Shane’s ass, palms at is under the cover of the longe jersey and the dark corner they are in.

“I am caught” he paused and Shane waits for him to find his words “red handed” he sighs and Shane squirms a hand between them to pinch hard at the skin of Ilya’s hip.

“I was so drawn in by your tits and nice car. Nothing else” he nods and Shane pulls back to roll his eyes at him.

Ilya just raises his brows and wiggles them at Shane as he takes a long pull from his beer, lips around the top of the tilted neck. It has to be on purpose Shane thinks, when a a few small beads of beer escape down over Ilya’s chin, drip down the line of his throat and then between said tits. Shanes eyes flicker over him, the mess of his curls, the sheen of sweat, the tan of his skin his pretty bulked chest and tiny skirt around his hips and perfect fucking ass and those stupid fishnets on his strong legs and Shane’s lower stomach flips. Fucker.

“I think right now you are the exact vision of a nurse that every man I ever matched with on a dating app pictured” Shane says then, and then decides he does actually need to kiss away the stray lines of beer going sticky on Ilya’s pretty strong chest. He’s leaning in-But then a hand on his shoulder and a loud gasp from Ilya is stopping him.

“What?!? I am not your first man?!” Ilya asks with all the fake shock and horror he’d had the first time he’d done this bit. It’s a real favourite of his, does some form of it without fail everytime Shane mentions his dating and relationship history.

Last week they’d been talking about lube brands and Shane had made a reference to his first time and Ilya had faked fainting with a squeak saying “you are not a virgin???” Shane hadn’t had the heart to tell Ilya the way he’d fucked him that morning meant he wouldn’t be a virgin right now anyway- he had looked so happy in his dramatics. Shane had just said a “it’s true. I’m not” and Ilya had groaned and throw himself on Shane on the couch, covering his body with his own mumbling some nonsense about “it’s ok baby, I’m gonna make up for it, we’ll do your first time again all right this time, let me pop your cherry” as Shane has poked ad pinched and slapped at him and it has been so dumb and stupid and then turned into floor sex that was desperately hot and depraved somehow (like things often did with Ilya) Shane reaches up to smush Ilya’s stupid expression with his palm and huffs.

Ilya whines like a sad puppy and says “tell me about these horrible men” with a pout

“I’m serious!” Shane explains “like it was always ‘oh I bet you’ll take such good care of me’ ‘wanna come look after me baby?” Shane says “one guy actually asked me if I was going to wear ‘my cute little nurses outfit” -Shane pushes the neck of his beer bottle between the gaping fabric over Ilya’s chest with a little smirk -“to our first date” Shane scoffs at the memory and his fingers begin to peel at the label of the beer bottle in his hand.

“I told him unless he was suddenly a septic child I couldn’t see why that would be necessary and then blocked him” Shane says flatly and Ilya’s warm bellowing laugh bursts from him, pretty and familiar and ilia’s free hand is catching Shane’s face in his grip, between his thumb and fingers and he’s leaning in and whispering “my smart brilliant beautiful boy” and kissing him deep and hot and Shane melts a little because it’s been longer than half an hour since their last kiss and Shane had missed Ilya’s mouth, gets lost in the warm lick of his tongue and his free hand is up in Ilya’s hair now, twisting at his curls and Shane is harder and a bit more dizzy when Ilya pulls back and nuzzles their lips together in a little circle.

Shane smiles and leans up to chase a few more pecks and his arms both wrap around Ilya’s neck, beer bottle loose in his hand and he tilts his hips up a little and then Ilya is pulling back. He presses his nose into Shane’s cheek and nips at the skin whispers low “you know this isn’t-“ and Shane shakes his head quickly, cuts Ilya off-

(because he knows, he knows that not for one second Ilya was making fun of him with this- he had seen it for what it was immediately, an inside joke with Ilya- something to laugh at together Ilya making something funny and safe and good like he did with so many things with Shane, Ilya mocking the stupid sexist outfit. He knew that wasn’t Ilya mocking him it makes his heart squeeze to hear Ilya’s desperation to clarify, if Shane had thought that. But Ilya- god beautiful Ilya in this stupid costume was so fucking respectful of Shane (like to the level it made him horny sometimes) had such respect for Shane’s career, for his hard he worked- that Ilya got it because he saw so much of what the truth of it was, understood because he knew it too in his own job. This was Ilya who on international nurses day got Shane the most insanely huge bouquet of flowers and shouted Shane’s whole ward coffee- day shift and night shift)

“I know” Shane says, and smirks up at Ilya “there’s only one slutty nurse in this relationship” he says and pushes a hand into the gaping open top part of Ilya’s costume and cups his pec, squeezes it and then flicks at Ilya’s nipple, making him gasp and swat Shane on the ass in relation.

“Mm yes. Sooo slutty” Ilya agrees with a firm nod, and bites at Shane’s mouth before he nuzzles them into another kiss and whispers a soft “love you” into his mouth, like a just in case, a just incase Shane doubted. Shane can’t help but echo it back, can’t leave that unanswered and breaths back a “love you” because he won’t let that go unanswered ever, still feels insanely lucky to be to one that has that with Ilya.

Then they are kissing in a way that’s a bit too wet and messy for the corner or Hayden’s living room but Shane can’t help it, he’d been holding off since he first saw Ilya and he’s tipsy and Ilya is all hands all over Shane and he’s in fucking fishnets and Shane is just one poor weak man.

They fuck about it, in the bathroom shortly after, pressed close together breathing into each others open mouths with their cocks fit into shanes big squeezing fist, slick and messy and both of them rutting into it. Ilya gets to his knees once he cums into Shane’s hand and swallows down the traces of his Shane’s fresh orgasm, Shane’s greedy hands all over his face and hair whispering down that he’s such a good little slut. Shane pats Ilya’s cheek when he finally pulls back and Shane says “my slut” with a grin, pushing his fingers into Ilya’s mouth and Ilya bites at his fingers and Beams up at him and nods.

They fuck about it more when they get home, Shane pinned down under the weight of Ilya into his mattress and he’s still in the god forsaken slutty nurse outfit and it’s a mess, askew from where Shane needed to touch and feel him and bunched up and rippled with the bulging of Ilya’s muscles as he shifts. The fishnets are ripped and on one of his legs and fuck he’s so gorgeous pretty up over Shane and his hands are starving all over him, gripping and pulling and feeling Shane’s body and he’s whispering devotions down over him like “good boy, my good boy, my gorgeous Shane. Let me make me feel good yeah? Let me make you feel good Shane please I wanna look after you yeah? Let me look after you let me show you how good I can be and make you feel wanna take care of you on my cock sweetheart you don’t have to do anything just let me do it Shane let me worship you fuck”

Kakashi: Do you have any goals?

Iruka: To pet all the dogs.

Kakashi: Wow… I meant things like fitness goals, though.

Iruka: To be fast enough to pet all the dogs.