the idea of being called a bleeding heart transmasc absolutely sounds like it would be used in a derogatory fashion, but it's capturing the gender feelings for me today. had a conversation with my butch today about how firmly I've always strived to build my masculinity off the foundations of gentleness and care, and how much anger I feel to watch others (especially other trans people) flatten queer masculinity (and its mascs) into a generalization of imitating cisgender toxic masculinity. it honors me that the genderfucked freaks I love have felt empowered by my presence.. it affirms me and reminds me why I want to dedicate myself to being this way. I get stronger in my resolve each time to carve the mold that suits me and empowers me to love others. I firmly believe I wouldn't feel the committment I do to shaping that experience without all the hurt I've experienced trying to claim it, but I don't feel inhibited by recognizing my hurt and letting it fuel me. having heavy feelings on gender today
