#this is .. so long

   ›   𝑰𝑰. THE HIGH PRIESTESS .

❝  the guardian of the subconscious mind and the teacher of sacred knowledge and hidden mysteries. she ushers you through the thin veil of awareness, offering you a deep, intuitive understanding of the universe and a heightened awareness of secret or hidden information .  ❞

           𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋  ––––––  you are a very distant cousin, maybe not even that. you grew up hearing tales of dante’s mother, and you are keenly aware of the distaste your family has for her, her husband, and her son. you’ve seen each other once or twice, but you know dante desai –– all the rumors, scandals, absurdities  &  controversies. he might not have given you a word, but your image of the emerald with a dazzling smile has darkened under the influence of gossip and ill-intentioned people. you are not sure why he’s in the society at all and, if you’re being candid, he doesn’t seem deserving of any of your respect –– but alas, business means business, so you try and play nice ( it fails, more often than not, as he seems to know every word uttered about himself in his absence ). he teases you, and pushes you to try harder, reach farther. it annoys you deeply, and you hold back from simply telling him to shut up. maybe you want to prove you’re so much better, maybe you want to make him aware of how much he’s missing. maybe you just want the approval of someone, anyone.

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  black sheep, gin wigmore  +  hit me with your best shot, adona  +  make me your queen, declan mckenna.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  misplaced competitiveness  &  rivalry ; wanting to prove yourself ; defiant words and poignant stares ; discovering the truth isn’t always hand-fed ; accepting the lies you were told when growing up  &  moving on from them ; familial resentment ; finding things in common with someone you hate ; learning you share many scars with the object of your disdain. biting remarks  &  vicious tongue ; clashing of titans. finding an equal match to the monster that crawls under your skin. enemies to friends.

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  the monster. the dreamer, the eater. the eater monster. you the monster, i the monster. all of us the monster. the monster in us, the monster in you. the monster in all of us .  ❞ 

   ›   𝑽. THE HIEROPHANT, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝  you are your own teacher. all the wisdom you seek comes from within – not from some external source or power. the hierophant reversed is also about challenging the status quo. you seek out opportunities to rebel and reclaim your personal power .  ❞

           𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋  ––––––  you’ve always had your eyes on dante, it seems –– it’s not at all too hard for it to happen, considering the bright glitter  &  colorful clothes, but you perhaps admire him more than your peers. individuality attracts you, and you may or may not have one silly crush on this man –– however, once you came closer, an infatuation turned into a solid bond. you seem to share similar principles, and the need for freedom  &  change is rooted deeply in both of your cores. you can speak for hours on end about everything at all, open-mindedness not shared with many others you’ve met. everyone might be worried once the two of you are seen together, as you’re always up for some trouble –– but, maybe, that’s just how love works in this friendship. fire burns brighter as you come together as an unit, and it almost makes you giddy.

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  void, the neighbourhood  +  come as you are, nirvana  +  sober ii (melodrama), lorde.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  forbidden crushes ; midnight escapades ; i know your favorite wine  &  you know how many drinks it takes for me to get tipsy ; we know each other at our worsts. the act of loving  &  supporting each other in all one sets their mind to. may be guilty of arson  &  invasion of properties. the lack of hesitation to defend one another. uniqueness  &  playfulness ; deep conversations under the moonlight ; sharing the same fears we never uttered aloud ; feeling trapped under the same pretense of freedom ; watching clouds  &  constellations ; staying awake until seven am to see the sun rise.

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  wings are freedom only if they are open in flight. on one’s back they are a heavy weight .  ❞ 

  ›   𝑽𝑰𝑰𝑰. JUSTICE .

❝  represents justice, fairness, truth and the law. you are being called to account for your actions and will be judged accordingly. as you explore your truth, you will discover that things are not as clear-cut as you had thought .  ❞ 

          𝐎𝐏𝐀𝐋𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘  ––––––  admitting to his past relationship with his own predecessor put a huge toll on dante’s shoulders, and you now observe him with more care, an attention you never truly bestowed upon the trickster of your circlet. his distress might tug at your heartstrings, it might make you wonder –– you might see him differently, now. your relationship might be strained. perhaps, you desire to reach out, offer the support he never asked for. perhaps, you do not know how. you are curious and worried, but the feelings of betrayal still linger on your bloodstream, whether you like it or not. should you ask for clarifications? step further into his personal space? should you step back, abstain from commenting anything? does he need your help? does he even care about what you think?

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  you don’t know me at all, son lux  +  stop crying your heart out, oasis  +  all for us, labrinth  &  zendaya.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  lingering stares across the room ; desiring to speak but now knowing how ; sending text messages but not wanting to read the replies ; sheepish smiles  &  shared silences ; holding back your tears, even while near loved ones ; solitary nights with clouds covering every star. i worry for you, dear one, but you make it so hard to take care of you. when it rains, we hold each other’s hands. you taste sour, i taste bittersweet, but we still love. i would do it all for you, why won’t you ask for it?

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine .  ❞

   ›   𝑿𝑽. THE DEVIL, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝  calls on you to confront your inner fears to free yourself from the chains that bind you to your limiting beliefs and unhealthy attachments. it can also appear when you are going into your deepest, darkest places. you seek to understand your innermost shadows so you can either release them or integrate them into your life in a more constructive way .  ❞

           𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋  ––––––  you struggle, and you struggle hard. you would never admit you’re going through a heavy time, perhaps not even to yourself. you move lightly, with grace, and no one questions the tightness of your smile. it’s easy, like this –– except you’re tired, and your bones ache, and you can barely sleep at night. it surprises you, however, once you find the bright emerald drinking by himself in one of the shitty bars you go whenever life gets rough. you sit by his side, you both share a sigh  &  a shot. he finds out one of your many secrets, and you discover some of his scars, and the pills on his pocket. you hold his hand, and he takes you home safely, kisses your forehead while bidding you good night. you share many text messages, and you meet up often. you get better at recognizing the signs of sadness on each other’s faces. life is not any happier, but now, at least–– you have an emergency contact. you can sob on his shoulders until you fall into unconsciousness. he smiles at you in the morning and brings you coffee. no more words are needed.

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  shadows, warpaint  +  blinding, florence and the machine  +  haunt, banks.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  blue shades ; melancholy ; van gogh’s paintings ; scars that never fade away ; the dull ache of quiet piano strings echoing throughout an empty room at the darkest hour. inebriated confessions ; hushed conversations ; many bottles of whiskey, both cheap  &  incredibly expensive. not knowing much about each other, and yet discovering the hidden away pieces by yourself. becoming dependent on the emotion of being understood  &  seen. helping each other up and forward, even when there is no strength left. exhausted  &  broken smiles ; thunderstorms ; lending you my jacket and never getting it back, because you need as much comfort as you can get ; dancing in the rain  &  laughing about it hard and loud.

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  i have no more room for grief for it is everywhere now .  ❞

   ›   𝑿𝑽𝑰𝑰. THE STAR, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝  can mean that you’ve lost faith and hope. you may be desperately calling out to the universe to give you some reprieve but struggling to see how the divine is on your side. take a moment to ask yourself what the deeper life lesson is, and how this is a blessing, not a punishment. the reversed star is a test of faith .  ❞

          𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘  ––––––  the opal society, more than ever, seems like bullshit to you. you are angry, upset, distraught–– you can think of many words that echo your insatisfaction, and this initiation process no longer looks like something you want to be a part of. life is a burden heavy enough without a secret society wrapped in the mayhem of horny young adults tying you to statues. you definitely didn’t expect for dante, of all people, to become a guiding light –– the one that took his own initiation as a joke, broke the rules, and is known for frequently getting in trouble? how the fuck could that guy give you answers? truth be told, he doesn’t –– nothing is ever easy with him, it seems, and no surface-level impression seems to make him justice. the both of you now speak frequently, and he helps you stabilize your thoughts –– the guy can manage to give out some decent advice, at least, and you might even trust him, now. he likes pros  &  cons lists, and also vaguely pointing at the light at the end of the tunnel, just enough so it will fill you with hope. it is enough, for now.

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  i need some sleep, eels  +  i’ll die anyway, girl in red  +  i found, amber run.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  an unexpected discovery ; knowledge where you thought least possible to find. the trade of fears  &  unsure confessions ; gentle parental guidance into the shoes meant for you to fit. tender reassurances over the phone ; a pat on the back ; a small gift that means “ i am proud of you ”. rediscovering the love for one’s circlet through the eyes of another. silent promises ; candles  &  wishes you never shared before ; feeling as if you’ve known someone from your past lives  &  forever carrying them in your heart.

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  you are in conflict with yourself. you are holding yourself in check. you are paralyzing yourself .  ❞ 

   ›   𝑿𝑰𝑿. THE SUN, ꓤƎꓥƎꓤSƎꓷ .

❝  is calling to your inner child to come out and play. see it as your permission slip to leave behind your responsibilities, even just for a moment, and play. you may have experienced setbacks that damaged your enthusiasm and optimism and perhaps led you to question whether you can achieve what you set out to do .  ❞

           𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐀𝐋𝐋  ––––––  dante is a disappointment to you. he let you down or hurt your feelings, and you can’t forgive him for that ( and you won’t even try, because he doesn’t deserve it ). there are plenty of good memories attached to his name, but it all has turned sour, and you want to watch it crash  &  burn. he might try and make amends, but you know he doesn’t even care for you, deep down –– he is trying for your sake, perhaps, but not because he nourishes an affection for you, and that stings. if it has to be like this, you want at least to let him know how irresponsible actions are not easily forgiven. a broken heart for another seems fair trade to you, and you no longer care for entertaining an endless discussion, as long as you’re on the winning side.

          𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  ╱  view here.

          𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆  ╱  no one loves me  &  neither do i, them crooked vultures  +  motion sickness, phoebe bridgers  +  eyes, nose, lips, tablo.

          𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒  ╱  unanswered phone calls ; ghosting ; writing letters just to burn them. cold war  &  avoidance. knowing that you want what you can not have. marble statues ; an empty bed ; freezing fingers  &  no one to hold your hand. emptiness ; the feeling of being unworthy ; lighting a match once the power goes out  &  sitting alone at your couch, daydreaming. bittersweet intimacy. the fact that someone you now hate knows way too much about you. not letting go. 

          𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒  ╱  ❝  he fatally wounded me; that is, he gave me the wound that only love could repair .  ❞