#third spring

yesterday morning, a bunch of the rowing crews from north georgia were at the river training on the trails and scrimmaging on the water. it was a bright, cool morning

i dreamt that i had been released from some many years of involuntary confinement, many years of forced service. myself and the dozen or so others all dressed in the same grey suits they had given us at the gates. we traveled together, walking mile after mile through empty industrial parks. in one, i found a tight pile of brightly colored clothes the size of a van. i picked it up and carried it as a whole over my head while we traveled, but slowly, as we encountered one obstacle after another, i lost pieces of them, and the enormous ball of clothing narrowed and shrank until nothing was left but me in my grey suit

i dreamt that i was running through a vast nursery of trees, planted in an orderly grid, but overgrown and tangled, and every tree, a different species. as i ran on all fours through the undergrowth of this library of trees, i read the name of each one from its own shape, each name, the name of someone i'd lost

on friday, i went down the mountain to visit with finn and fall. we drank dollar bucket shaboozy and talked all kinds of nonsense. i hadn't taken a picture with this old beat polaroid in a minute. i love how this one turned out. when they were kids, they called their neighborhood gang, the skullgirls, and that's what i call these pictures in my head, even if i never say it outloud

on saturday, i got a foraged double espresso from emma, and we caught up for a minute, then i walked all up and down the river until early afternoon. i saw turtles still waking up from the long nap. i watched some kids rowing in the first big race of the summer. i found broken toys and lost beads. i checked in with the bogmonster

yesterday, we had third sunday of the month lunch with my parents. the kids brought their partners, and we ate strip mall chinese at the place that tastes like how i remember east coast chinese in the nineties. i listened to baseball and fell asleep with boba on the couch. i watched an old movie just for the scenes with musicians, mostly passed now, playing a texas honkytonk in the eighties. i had a good day

i haven't been reading about the names of colors. i found a lot of fun stuff, but never what i was looking for. lately, i keep coming across old books of fables and rhymes and nonsense alphabets. i caught myself rewriting 'd is for death', over and over in my head, until finally i had to dig out some edward gorey to put an end to it

we're going firefly camping in a week. fall got us a nice spot on the quiet side of the river

i reached out to the girl. we caught up for a minute and it was good. she said it was nice, easeful even, but probably best we not catch up again for another year, so i guess that'll be that for the time being

i feel called to work in a bakery. if you know how to make that happen, i'd appreciate the help

friday night we took two-fry on a walk around the house, right up to the edge of the woods

saturday, i cooked the last of the wild rice and ate it with the last of the kimchi. i cut up more old paper. i napped on the couch

yesterday fallie and i ate two apples and we passed two campmeetings on our way out of the piedmont. we talked about pools, and struggles, and plants, and fire

last night i dreamt of repeated meetings with old acquaintances who expressed regret that i was dying. i knew i wasn't dying and felt calm and undisturbed as i tried to reassure them, but they were unconvinced. cashiers and clerks and passersby on the street, overhearing these conversations, expressed their condolences too. these strangers took my denials as my brave refusal to acquiesce to death, and they praised me for my strength. i walked into a park, unconcerned by these encounters, enjoying the sunny day

i dreamt that i was known for my ability to find secret rooms and hidden pockets inside old buildings, but i wasn't really finding anything. i knew where they were already. i couldn't remember ever not knowing. the city was just a map of hidden places i carried inside

i followed a deer trail up to the back of an industrial park today and accidentally discovered the place where the security guards nap. they were about to get grouchy about it, but i blew my bear whistle like bobby for bobbies, and it stunned them long enough that i could just fade back into the woods