#things indeed

tagged by that fabulous @melyzard!! who apparently does INCREDIBLE MOSAICS also?! too many talent in one human person methinks. ANYWAY:

last song: 'make them hear you' ft joshua henry in the ragtime tiny desk concert......HE.......

favorite colors: forest green, dark blue, rich browns, i'm an earth tones bitch

watching: just rewatched pride 2014 so you know. feeling up on life. also the george lucas talk show live reads of sw scripts are GOLD, the latest features david dastmalchian as kylo ren bringing alllll the camp the character (in mine own onion etc) was missing

reading: the turnaway study, which is filling me w rage and grief as per usual, and exit strategy for a pick-me-up

current obsession: ALL the trinity santos ptsd fic

working on: cinnamon rolls but there's platanos and rum in the bottom of the pan

last internet search: hill grade ii gastroesophageal flap valve. lmao

current wallpaper: ina garten 'if you can't summon the flames directly from hell storebought is fine'

RIGHT SO according to timestamps, i created the note on my phone that would eventually become breathes in deep the air one year ago today. latter november is, inevitably, a shit season for me (hashtag that ptsd life etc), so it'd not altogether surprising that i was ruminating on trauma and touch and vulnerability and love and power dynamics at the time! but i don't think i ever expected to actually do anything with it, let alone write THIRTY THOUSAND WORDS and make FRIENDS and KEEP WRITING ??

anyway, having read many of the fandom's now-classics in the '17-'18 era but not been much involved in sw fandom since, i returned to rogue one fic sometime earlier last year and found a wealth of fic with a wealth of sweetness and compassion for messy, spiky, traumatized characters. just so intriguing and enthralling and so deeply comforting. and within/around that, a continuation of every part of the film that made me love it--the focus on the everyday people who make revolution possible, and the everyday choices too, the next chance and the next, and moral quandaries, and finding real understanding even through layers and layers of walls, and choosing hope in the face of the impossible.

and highly competent people being down so so bad for each other, obviously. so despite having basically never written fiction of any kind before, of COURSE i was like. but what if jyn and cassian were lesbians and played out all my complicated lesbian thoughts about the intersections of posttraumatic touch aversion and the stone spectrum. and they were in LOVE and also the grimy scifi women had body hair!!

baker's dozen:

and television:

baker's dozen: