#thewrit3rs

He steps out the bedroom, leaving the door open, breathing heavily, steam emitting off his body as he walks to the liquor cabinet. The smell of sex filled the air, but thoughts of guilt filled his mind. He opens the liquor cabinet looking for something so strong, that could help wash the taste of regret from his tongue. He pulls a bottle of the strongest tequila from the cabinet, cracks the seal open and floods the tumbler glass. Takes a sip. Savours the bitter taste that danced violently on his tongue. It numbs the brain, but not nearly enough to cleanse his thoughts. Every time he swallows the voice in his head continues to scream loudly. Drops the glass on the table. Grabs the bottle by the neck, and starts drinking from its lips. 

It had been about four years running since Thato and Nthabiseng devoted themselves to their relationship and things were going great until they could not see eye to eye on fundamental matter. She wanted to find a job that will help pay her families debts (Black Tax), move into her own house, get married and start a family of her own. Thato had dreams very ambitious dreams aside from those, they had in common. She thought that his dreaming was unrealistic. She urged him to dumb down on his thinking so that they could realize the vision she had in mind. Thato’s optimism wouldn’t allow himself to settle for anything less than what he thought they deserved. They had reached an impasse which neither could compromise on and slowly, but surely he began to doubt their future. 

They chose to dismiss their long-term prospects of their relationship whenever it came up in conversation. When they met, they spoke less. Spending majority of their time getting undressed. They’d drink and make love to one another, getting lost in the moment till they both passed out. It was their temporary solution, but the quick fix to the bigger conversation soon became very addictive. They tried to speak, but the distance between them wouldn’t allow it. Addicted to the feel of her skin, her with him. All they wanted to do, is to get naked. Rip each other’s clothes off and touch each other in the right ways, indulging in pleasure, non-stop... 

Every time after they gave into their undeniable sexual attraction, he would lay next to her with this feeling of guilt, because he knew that he saw no future in their relationship. He thought deeply about letting her go, even though he cared immensely about her, he couldn’t allow things to carry on as they have been. The love was fading and ultimately crippling their relationship. 

He turned and looked to her, took a deep breath, she asked him what was wrong. He took a long pause trying to find the right words to sum everything up, but he knew he just had to speak from the heart. 

He began with: 

“I love you… but that love comes at the cost of me sacrificing the love that I owe to myself. I have given you all the love that I have. My heart no longer wishes to be in this and should we continue with this relationship, it will be a loveless one and… I don’t want to live like that.” 

Nthabiseng was not ready to give up, tears began running down her face and true to his nature he held her tightly in his arms, as she calmed down he pulled away slowly to wipe her tears. They looked at each other. They passionately kissed. He tried to push her away as he felt himself give into his carnal urges, but she then kissed him where, he liked it. He picked her up and placed her on top off him and just like that, he had slipped back into his pattern. She thought should could fix things by fucking the love back into their relationship. He told himself this is a goodbye fuck. 

After the sex he gave her one last kiss and as his lips slowly parted with hers, so did the rest of him. As he left the bed she knew that he was not coming back to her, she got out of the bed got dressed packed her bags, tried to compose herself and walked out the room. 

She saw that he was within his drink and didn’t want to disturb, but before she left she whispered to him, “I’ll always love you”. 

He took one big gulp from his bottle slammed it on the table, got up and went to go take a shower.

They say the best love stories are the ones that go untold. Some say the best love stories are about relationships that lasted a long time. Personally my friend Tshepo was one half of one of the best loves stories I have bore witness to. It was a love so true and so deep it left him scarred for some time. But the fact it ended and the way it ended never tarnishes the beauty of his fleeting love with Tshidi.

He was a drifter, full of talent, smart but damn lazy and unbothered with life. Tshidi was the opposite, passionate, driven and had the beauty and the body to match. A combination like this made Tshidi hot property in the social circles, guys and girls were trying to get with her. Tshepo also raved about Tshidi but he knew he was out of her league, besides, the guys that went for her looked like they had their shit on lock, so who was he to even try. Tshidi was unmoved by the new flame title placed upon her by the social circles, in fact it annoyed her because it’s the reason every fuckboy, blesser and chancer thought they could even step up to her flaunting useless material items in attempts to impress.

One day the two would find themselves in the same social circle playing a game of thirty seconds over drinks. On the same side they caused havoc as they were flipping cards killing the competition, all whilst on some level of inebriation. Unknowingly Tshepo’s exhibition of his smarts, his drive to win, sense of humour and ability to keep the room entertained did a number on Tshidi. Something about him made her question where has a guy like him been all this time. Sure it was just a game but what happened that day was fate flexing its muscles, bringing two people who socially should not be speaking into the same space to develop a connection that would build over the coming weeks.

The two began to hang out, do lunches, dinners and even movie nights, he loved her company and she his. Always believing that he was out of her league he never tried too hard to impress, he kept it “one hunnid”. Loving his realness, she would let her guard down and open up to him. The connection between these two was evident but it seems like it was not enough for them to choose to be in a relationship. A constant tug of war of “should I or shouldn’t I” plagued Tshepo. All this time he was being himself and sure it kept her there but was it enough for her to consider him as boyfriend. One movie night he just decided to go for the kill, and kiss her, shocked at first she responded kissing him back as soon as they could let go of each other she composed herself and without a word left.

Still trying to process all that just happened Tshepo just stood there in the presence of her aura trying to figure out what next.